Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Questions to Encourage Cooperation and Respect in the Workplace

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get along with a certain co-worker which creates a lot of conflict in the workplace. Maybe your personalities are just too different, or perhaps your work processes and preferences conflict. Despite this fact, you still have to work together – sometimes very closely – so you need to establish a relationship of cooperation and respect.
But cooperation and respect can be hard to maintain. The key is to get the other person to agree on this one working relationship goal, and then to work together (rather than singularly) to keep the cooperation and respect strong. Therefore, meet with the co-worker who is troubling you and together answer these seven questions. Only with this insight can you move forward toward productive results.

1.    What is our main challenge?
You need to pinpoint what specifically keeps you from having a working relationship based on cooperation and respect. Does it have to do with work styles, personalities, ethnicity/cultural differences, etc.? You need to know what you have to overcome before you can actually do it.

2.    How are we different?
Suppose that you figure out that your conflicting work styles cause the friction. The next step is to identify specifically how your work styles are different. For example, maybe you discover that while you prefer to have e-mail communications, your co-worker finds e-mail cold and impersonal and wants face-to-face meetings. At this point remember not to blame each other for the difference or defend yourself. You want to find how to capitalize on your differences.

3.    How are we the same?
Despite your differences, you likely have a few similarities. In fact, at one point in your history together, you probably did one thing – even one small project – together well. What worked then? The key is for you to build off your sameness to establish cooperation and respect.

4.    What opportunities are within our reach?
In other words, if we work together what can we accomplish together? This question gets you to think positively about the other person so you can have the motivation to work together in a way that fosters cooperation and respect.

5.    How can others in the department or company help us?
Remember that you’re not alone. Others in your department or company want you to develop mutual cooperation and respect. Identify who those people are and get their input.

6.    How can we communicate with each other better?
In order to work on your relationship, try spending some time together. This does not mean hanging out together on weekends. It simply means for you to go to lunch together once per week or agree to meet for 20 minutes every Monday to go over weekly goals. Do something to get the dialog started.

7.    How can we amaze ourselves?
Determine what would be an amazing experience for the two of you working together. Describe it in great detail. Use that vision to guide your future working efforts. Before you know it, you’ll have a solid base of cooperation and respect to build from.

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Until next time…Remember, You Get What You Tolerate!
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

P.S.  Sign up for your own FREE video series – “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace”  HERE

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Reduce Conflict in the Workplace: Take Control of Difficult Conversations

Enhance Your Communication, Enhance Your Career

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired.

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker in order to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of Verbal Aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

There’s no doubt that being able to communicate effectively is a major determinant to professional success. Hostile and emotional reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while counter responses restore harmony and balance.

So the next time you’re the recipient of a verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the other party is pulling you in a direction you don’t want the conversation to go, push forward.

Remember these five tips:

1. Protect yourself from others who try to infect you with their anger and hostility by being Direct with Respect®.

2. No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only force you to absorb the negative message.

3. You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting the comment and then deciding whether to push or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the statement.

4. When you give the other party nothing to push against, you gain control of the situation.

You are able to remain positive during the conversation, not defensive.

5. When all else fails, have the courage to walk away from someone who is verbally attacking you. Don’t be a willing participant in an uncontrollable negative situation.

The more proficient you become at Verbal Aikido, the more natural it will become – and the stronger all your verbal communications will be.

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If you want to go further into your own professional growth, check out the link for the on-demand
Communicate with Impact Course

“Joyce Weiss has a knack for getting to the point when it comes to communication.  Her Communicate with Impact program has taken us to another level in our communication through out all ranks of our organization.  This has allowed us to cut through our  personal barriers to get to the real issues at hand.”

Nancy Wasczenski, Presidnet, Parda Federal Credit Union

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
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Until next time…Remember

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

 

 

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Use Be Direct with Respect® to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Be Direct with Respect® Strategies

You can now go to the next level in your career development after reading this article by taking Joyce’s newest on line course which includes a coaching session on the phone.  You have the opportunity to work with Joyce on an issue that you learned about yourself during the course. Look for details about this exciting offer below the article.

Strategy 1: Eliminate Ambiguity

By being Direct With Respect®, you’ll always begin with positive statements and get right to the point. If your conversation is to point out and correct negative behaviors, describe the person’s actions, not their personality. Use language that makes an impact, yet decreases defensiveness. One good way to do this is by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Also, use factual descriptions instead of judgments or exaggerations.

Strategy 2: Gain the ability to be direct and truthful

When should you be direct and speak up? As soon as you reasonably can. If you wait too long, you may forget what you needed to say, which can leave a nasty residue of resentment that can explode at the wrong time ­ or at the wrong person. While it’s difficult to know precisely when to speak up, it’s equally challenging to know when to let something drop. To gain perspective, imagine how important the incident will be in six months. If you think it will still be important, then say something immediately. If it would sound a little silly in six months, then let it drop.

Remember, though, telling the truth isn’t a license to dump your negative feelings on others.

Strategy 3: Develop positive self-talk strategies that propel your career

Once you realize you’re giving negative messages, make a conscious effort to stop and say something positive instead. Stop focusing on what you feel you don’t do well and congratulate yourself for all your strong points. Also, strive to seek out other positive people so you can support each other. Challenge yourself to break away from negative people who are only holding you down. The more positive you are, the more confident you’ll be at being Direct with Respect®. In return, others will feel more confident about your abilities, thus leading to more future success.

Be Direct with Respect® is a new way of thinking and communicating for those who are used to holding things inside. Once you implement Be Direct with Respect®, you’ll find that being direct and truthful will make you self-confident and earn you the respect you deserve. Even more important, as the concept of Be Direct with Respect® takes hold in your company, your employees will communicate better and build stronger relationships with co-workers and customers alike. Before you know it, morale will be up, profits will soar, and your company will be ready to make its mark on the business world.

Check out how you can go deeper and learn more ideas on how you can communicate with impact with
Joyce’s On Demand Course.
Like my client  Lori did after she took the course.

“Things are really going well here since people started taking the Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact Course.
We continue to see great progress within our management team which is beginning to flow down to the staff.  I had a meeting with one of my managers this moring and she commented again on your program and how well it impacted her.”
Lori Verbrugge, Human Resource Director, Midwest Financial Credit Union

Click the link below so can get ready for radical communication improvement!
Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact On Demand Course

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until our next visit, Remember…
You Get What You Tolerate!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

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New Facts About Stress: Make the Most From a Job That You May Not Like

Admit it… you may not like your job. You might come home every evening after a long day and spend the next few hours complaining to anyone who’ll listen about how miserable your workplace is and how you’d love to quit – if only you had enough money set aside to do so.

But let’s also face today’s economic reality. Jobs are hard to find, and any job that pays is one you have to keep. So if your work situation is less than ideal and you want a way to love what you do without changing your job, here are some suggestions to help.

1. Show optimism and a positive outlook at all times.

How can you be optimistic when you dislike your job? Remember that at least you have a job. You’re paying your bills and providing for your family. You’re not part of the newest unemployment statistic. Find something positive to focus on to remind yourself of how life would be if you didn’t have any job at all. In order to stay positive, strive for excellence, not because you have to, but because you want to.

2. Learn from setbacks and convert challenges into success.

Many people feel that they have “bad luck” at work. Everything that can go wrong seems to happen to them, and they then like to talk about these negative experiences, which only makes them even more depressed. But when something goes wrong, rather than dwell on the setback, find out what you can learn from the experience so you can be successful next time.

3. Do whatever it takes to get the job done.

If you don’t like the job and don’t want to do it, then the job won’t get done at all. It’ll be hanging over your head like a dark rain cloud, so you might as well do it anyway. Also, if you don’t get the job done, someone else will, and then you’ll get the pink slip. If you feel that you can’t do whatever it takes to get the job done because of a lack of resources and your hands are tied, then untie your own hands. What could you do differently given your existing resources? There’s always a second right answer.

4. Be eager to share ideas with leaders and colleagues.

You can’t work in a vacuum. You need to talk with others and collaborate in order to expand your thinking and gain new perspective. And you never know… someone may say something that makes you realize your job isn’t so bad after all.

5. Look for ways to constantly grow.

We are all a work in progress. And growth and learning is something that we must initiate; we can’t expect others to do it for us. Additionally, lifelong learning will make you more competitive in the marketplace. So when the economy rebounds and you can find that new job you want, you’ll have the skills and mindset to make it happen.

Check out Full Speed Ahead: Become Driven by Change
which is a life coaching book
to help you deal with life’s stresses.

“A Straight forward, engaging and down to earth book for those desiring improvement in the quality and direction of their lives.”
Anthony Robbins, Author Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

“Joyce Weiss in Full Speed Ahead challenges the reader to deal with change on a personal and professional level as a way to maximize opportunity.  The book starts with charging your life’s battery with positive attitude and brakes with a discussion of goal-setting and prioritizing.  Each chapter has helpful worksheets that drive Weiss’ points home.  Chapter 7, covering creativity, was a personal
favorite because it identifies the mental roadblocks to creatvity and shows how on can detour around them.

Jim Pawlak, Book Reviewer for The Detroit News

Check out Full Speed Ahead: Become Driven by Change

 

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

 

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Do You Want to Feel Empowered to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace?

Do these questions sound familiar?

How can I encourage people to make decisions when management is absent?
How can I encourage calculated risks so our company stays current?
How can we act as a team, instead of individuals striving for separate goals?

The answer is in one word…EMPOWERMENT. Empowerment gives confidence, strength, and trust in your own authority. Successful businesses especially know the impact of an empowered team.

Learn the 5 P’s of empowerment to support motivated people who’ll bring long-lasting results:

1. Permission…to make decisions and take risks.

Help people see how they’re setting up roadblocks to their success. You may hear people saying “I’m not ready yet”, or “I don’t know enough”. If I waited until I was ready to make that perfect keynote speech, I’d still be waiting!
Encourage calculated risks! These positive statements should become standard in your workplace:

“Everyone fears new things when they are on unfamiliar territory.”
“The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.”
“There are three kinds of people – those that make things happen, those that watch things happen, and those who wondered what happened!”

2. Protection…even if they make a mistake.

Make sure the penalty for failure is not greater than the penalty for doing nothing. Part of growth is learning from our mistakes.
Make sure you stand by your coworkers, even when they fail. If they make a mistake, ask this very important question, “What did you learn, and how would you handle it differently if this situation came up again?”

3. Purpose: Know the company’s goals and answers to the typical conflicts that arise.

Challenge your coworkers by asking why and why not. This forces constant improvement.
Recognize market changes. Encourage problem solving and brainstorming. Technology is expanding at an amazing rate, making some present techniques obsolete. Look at trends and then be ready

4. Proficiency: Know the difference between complacency and excellence.

Encourage people to think of themselves as the owners of their own careers. Help them learn features and benefits of every product and service in the company.
Train people to listen to the client’s needs. Role play with common objections, so staff is prepared when they’re rejected. This way, everyone will be more prepared.

5. Pay-off: Appreciate and recognize superior work.

All people have a basic need for appreciation ­ don’t be afraid to speak up. Let your coworkers know the success of the business is partly due to their efforts and achievements.

When you use the 5 P’s of empowerment you’ll see an increase in morale, productivity, and success. These are my tried and true methods – experiment with your own, then sit back and enjoy the fabulous results!

Do you want to go deeper and find out the benefits of accountability coaching?  If so, check out the link below to see how Joyce can help you get to your next level in your your career and improve your working condition.
What is accountability coaching?

 

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831