Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Reduce Conflict in the Workplace: Take Control of Difficult Conversations

Enhance Your Communication, Enhance Your Career

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired.

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker in order to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of Verbal Aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

There’s no doubt that being able to communicate effectively is a major determinant to professional success. Hostile and emotional reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while counter responses restore harmony and balance.

So the next time you’re the recipient of a verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the other party is pulling you in a direction you don’t want the conversation to go, push forward.

Remember these five tips:

1. Protect yourself from others who try to infect you with their anger and hostility by being Direct with Respect®.

2. No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only force you to absorb the negative message.

3. You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting the comment and then deciding whether to push or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the statement.

4. When you give the other party nothing to push against, you gain control of the situation.

You are able to remain positive during the conversation, not defensive.

5. When all else fails, have the courage to walk away from someone who is verbally attacking you. Don’t be a willing participant in an uncontrollable negative situation.

The more proficient you become at Verbal Aikido, the more natural it will become – and the stronger all your verbal communications will be.

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If you want to go further into your own professional growth, check out the link for the on-demand
Communicate with Impact Course

“Joyce Weiss has a knack for getting to the point when it comes to communication.  Her Communicate with Impact program has taken us to another level in our communication through out all ranks of our organization.  This has allowed us to cut through our  personal barriers to get to the real issues at hand.”

Nancy Wasczenski, Presidnet, Parda Federal Credit Union

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Until next time…Remember

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

 

 

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Use Be Direct with Respect® to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Be Direct with Respect® Strategies

You can now go to the next level in your career development after reading this article by taking Joyce’s newest on line course which includes a coaching session on the phone.  You have the opportunity to work with Joyce on an issue that you learned about yourself during the course. Look for details about this exciting offer below the article.

Strategy 1: Eliminate Ambiguity

By being Direct With Respect®, you’ll always begin with positive statements and get right to the point. If your conversation is to point out and correct negative behaviors, describe the person’s actions, not their personality. Use language that makes an impact, yet decreases defensiveness. One good way to do this is by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Also, use factual descriptions instead of judgments or exaggerations.

Strategy 2: Gain the ability to be direct and truthful

When should you be direct and speak up? As soon as you reasonably can. If you wait too long, you may forget what you needed to say, which can leave a nasty residue of resentment that can explode at the wrong time ­ or at the wrong person. While it’s difficult to know precisely when to speak up, it’s equally challenging to know when to let something drop. To gain perspective, imagine how important the incident will be in six months. If you think it will still be important, then say something immediately. If it would sound a little silly in six months, then let it drop.

Remember, though, telling the truth isn’t a license to dump your negative feelings on others.

Strategy 3: Develop positive self-talk strategies that propel your career

Once you realize you’re giving negative messages, make a conscious effort to stop and say something positive instead. Stop focusing on what you feel you don’t do well and congratulate yourself for all your strong points. Also, strive to seek out other positive people so you can support each other. Challenge yourself to break away from negative people who are only holding you down. The more positive you are, the more confident you’ll be at being Direct with Respect®. In return, others will feel more confident about your abilities, thus leading to more future success.

Be Direct with Respect® is a new way of thinking and communicating for those who are used to holding things inside. Once you implement Be Direct with Respect®, you’ll find that being direct and truthful will make you self-confident and earn you the respect you deserve. Even more important, as the concept of Be Direct with Respect® takes hold in your company, your employees will communicate better and build stronger relationships with co-workers and customers alike. Before you know it, morale will be up, profits will soar, and your company will be ready to make its mark on the business world.

Check out how you can go deeper and learn more ideas on how you can communicate with impact with
Joyce’s On Demand Course.
Like my client  Lori did after she took the course.

“Things are really going well here since people started taking the Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact Course.
We continue to see great progress within our management team which is beginning to flow down to the staff.  I had a meeting with one of my managers this moring and she commented again on your program and how well it impacted her.”
Lori Verbrugge, Human Resource Director, Midwest Financial Credit Union

Click the link below so can get ready for radical communication improvement!
Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact On Demand Course

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Until our next visit, Remember…
You Get What You Tolerate!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

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Improving Communication Skills Between Generations in the Workplace

Even though people in the various generations often don’t agree, there is one thing they all agree on: Respect for each other in the workplace simply doesn’t exist. Those in the older generations (the Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers) think the younger workers of today are lazy and disrespectful. On the other hand, the younger generations (Generation X and the Millennials) think the older workers are stuck in their ways and too closed-minded.

Despite these differences, people from the varying generations must work together productively for the company to succeed. If they let their generational outlooks get in the way, conflict will result.

Use the following suggestions to overcome generational differences so everyone can get along:

Know each others preferences

In a nutshell, the Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers prefer face-to-face communication. They like consensus, and they expect everyone to respect authority. They don’t like conflict and will avoid it at all costs.

Generation X and the Millennials love online meetings. They twitter each other and use e-mail the majority of the time. They’re not afraid to confront others; they want their voices heard. They dislike being on teams and prefer to work alone.

While we can’t automatically assume every single person in a particular generation behaves and thinks a certain way, knowing the generalities is a great first step. Therefore, take the initiative to learn about the other generations you work with. The more you understand their point of view and what events shaped their lives, the more you’ll be able to work with them without conflict.

Spend time with each other

Simply knowing each other’s preferences is one thing; it’s another to actually spend time learning from the person. Remember that learning and mentoring is a two- way street. Just as younger people can learn things from older people, the older generation can definitely learn from the “kids.”

As you do this, realize that you’ll likely have to make compromises. For example, a younger person can teach an older person about some new computer communication tool. The younger person will need to employ patience during the training, and the older person will need to keep an open mind to the new technology. You’ll also have to confront your own personal biases and work through them. Only then can you truly benefit from the interaction.

Be open to talking things out

The older people don’t understand what all the pierced noses and tattoos are about, while the younger people can’t comprehend how someone can be so loyal to a company. Instead of just wondering in silence, it’s time to talk it out ­ with the very people you don’t understand. As long as the conversation stays respectful and does not turn into an accusatory yelling match, it will be a healthy way to gain broader understanding of each other. The sooner you start the conversation, the quicker you’ll resolve differences.

Bridge the Gap

Generational differences can be tough. However, when you are open and honest and take the time to really listen to each other, you can overcome any perceived differences ­ real or otherwise. A little generational understanding can go a long way to boosting the company’s bottom line.

Check out the link below for more ideas to improve communication skills
Understanding 5 Generations to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

 

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Do You Want to Feel Empowered to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace?

Do these questions sound familiar?

How can I encourage people to make decisions when management is absent?
How can I encourage calculated risks so our company stays current?
How can we act as a team, instead of individuals striving for separate goals?

The answer is in one word…EMPOWERMENT. Empowerment gives confidence, strength, and trust in your own authority. Successful businesses especially know the impact of an empowered team.

Learn the 5 P’s of empowerment to support motivated people who’ll bring long-lasting results:

1. Permission…to make decisions and take risks.

Help people see how they’re setting up roadblocks to their success. You may hear people saying “I’m not ready yet”, or “I don’t know enough”. If I waited until I was ready to make that perfect keynote speech, I’d still be waiting!
Encourage calculated risks! These positive statements should become standard in your workplace:

“Everyone fears new things when they are on unfamiliar territory.”
“The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.”
“There are three kinds of people – those that make things happen, those that watch things happen, and those who wondered what happened!”

2. Protection…even if they make a mistake.

Make sure the penalty for failure is not greater than the penalty for doing nothing. Part of growth is learning from our mistakes.
Make sure you stand by your coworkers, even when they fail. If they make a mistake, ask this very important question, “What did you learn, and how would you handle it differently if this situation came up again?”

3. Purpose: Know the company’s goals and answers to the typical conflicts that arise.

Challenge your coworkers by asking why and why not. This forces constant improvement.
Recognize market changes. Encourage problem solving and brainstorming. Technology is expanding at an amazing rate, making some present techniques obsolete. Look at trends and then be ready

4. Proficiency: Know the difference between complacency and excellence.

Encourage people to think of themselves as the owners of their own careers. Help them learn features and benefits of every product and service in the company.
Train people to listen to the client’s needs. Role play with common objections, so staff is prepared when they’re rejected. This way, everyone will be more prepared.

5. Pay-off: Appreciate and recognize superior work.

All people have a basic need for appreciation ­ don’t be afraid to speak up. Let your coworkers know the success of the business is partly due to their efforts and achievements.

When you use the 5 P’s of empowerment you’ll see an increase in morale, productivity, and success. These are my tried and true methods – experiment with your own, then sit back and enjoy the fabulous results!

Do you want to go deeper and find out the benefits of accountability coaching?  If so, check out the link below to see how Joyce can help you get to your next level in your your career and improve your working condition.
What is accountability coaching?

 

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

 

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Do You Live With or Work with A Generation Y? Understanding Different Generations in the Workplace

If so, this blog post if just for you.
Generation Y was born between 1981-1995.

I had the privilege of being the keynote speaker at the Jump Start program for freshmen at Oakland University in Rochester MI.

There were 200 eager freshmen waiting to learn how they can become involved as future leaders during their stay at Oakland University.

Thanks to Chris Jensen (Assistant Director of Leadership and Service) and Meaghan Walter (Graduate Assistant for Leadership Development & First Year Programs) who coordinated & planned the most impressive Jump Start Program.

They made all 200 students feel extremely welcome and important.  The enthusiasm continued throughout the entire day.  It’s a good thing for Vitamin C and caffeine!

Both Chris and Meaghan helped me plan my portion of the program to make sure that it would be a success.
I thank both of them for their important input to help us achieve a most successful project together.

Joyce with Meaghan Walter and Chris Jensen

We started out the session discussing how these young men and women have the world in their hands.
Each one can make a difference due to their desire to share their uniqueness with the world.

The millennial generation…or generation Y has been given many choices.
They want to become active in making the world a better place.

We had a very energetic discussion on the meaning of success.
We discussed that money is good and a hot career is important.
We also discussed that their unique talents will make the true mark in this world.

They all shared their unique skills and talents that they brought to Oakland University.
This was truly book material!

We then discussed the 4 NEW WORK REALITIES which contained information on my experience dealing with conflict in the workplace between employers and employees.
I helped them discover what to expect when they graduate to prepare for their career development.

Work Reality #1:
Generation Y is Both Colliding and Clicking with Gen X, Baby Boomers, & Traditionalists.

Generation Y:  Millennials want to express themselves and their unique gifts.
They are on the move because they see many opportunities that are offered to them.

Other generations watch Gen Y change jobs and see this as a lack of work ethic.
This generation may be finding a better job that fits their skills and talents better.

Each generation has its own positive contributions.
All generations need to be ready to collaborate with each other and discuss challenges openly and respectively.

Here’s a question for you…
How do you think other generations feel about your own generation?

Are these assumptions accurate or generalizations?  The same goes for all generations.

Different equals different.
Different does not equal wrong!

Work Reality # 2:
Commit Fully to Your Education

Commitment …

  • Is a gift that you can give to yourself
  • Empowers you
  • Brings out your very best potential
  • Makes you a more valuable student and future employee

I’ve noticed that people who do whatever it takes to get the job done…

  • Seem to be fulfilled in their life
  • Become experts in their field
  • Understand that “just doing my job” is a sign of mediocrity

I have a question for you…
How are you showing your commitment to be the best at what you do at school or at work?

Work Reality #3:
Constantly Learn

Lifelong learning is the only way to remain competitive.
This relentless drive to acquire new skills & stay informed creates enthusiasm in what you do.

Here is another question for you…
What is the best class that you ever took and why?

The answer may reveal some important information on future training or exploration for you.

Work Reality #4:
Learn From Setbacks and Convert Challenges Into Success

I told the freshmen the following message:

“You won’t always do the right thing.
Maybe you didn’t do well in high school and Oakland University will be your fresh start.
You may get your first C in school or even fail a class.
Do you drop out or start over, learn and improve?

I know what I’m talking about.  Look what I do for a living.
Most people would rather die than give a speech.
Professional speakers face rejection every time they open their mouth.
Some people will not like the speaker’s message, sound of their voice, pattern of their business suit…etc.
I’ve become an expert in helping others turn their challenges into an opportunity due to my own work related challenges.”

Here are two more questions…
What challenge may be stopping you at this moment?
What do you need to do to face the challenge in order to grow?

Failure is never final.
Success does not last forever!

We also discussed multitasking and balancing time between doing homework and having a social life.
Look for these tips from the keynote speech Take the Ride of Your Life in a future blog.

Check out these video testimonials from 3 very bright and positive future leaders at Oakland University.
I enjoyed my time with each and every student and look forward to hearing about their continued success!

Share this blog with your own Gen Y and let me know the result of your communication.
I love staying in touch with my loyal readers!

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Let us hear your thoughts about your own experiences with different generations.

Feel free to share these tips with your team-just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.

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Until next time

Remember, You GET What YOU Tolerate!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

 

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831