Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Fast Help for a Tense Workplace

20actionstepsposterEver wish you knew just the right thing to say or do in a sticky situation at work?
Here’s a cheat-sheet of best conflict reduction ideas all on a poster that you can hang on your wall of your office or cube!

These 20 action steps are the key for you to become a master communicator at work and home.

To expand on each idea, watch my FREE video series, “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace.”

You’ll get a full size download of the poster when you subscribe to the video series here: https://www.joyceweiss.com

The poster and videos work great together to help you improve morale and open up communication on your team, so be sure to share!

Here are a couple of my favorite tips:

 “Ask a positive question to the negative person.
‘What is something good that happened to you today?’

This will force the negative person to say a positive response.” (It is fun to see this develop! ?)

“Set up a mentor program where all generations help each other using their unique talents, skills and perspectives.”

P.S.

Need more help with communication at work? Learn how to protect your time and bring harmony to your workplace with my On-Demand eCourse, “Communicate with Impact.” Go here to learn more:
https://joyceweiss.com/wp/communicate-with-impact-4-week-video-course

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss

And Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate”

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Add 26 Days to Your Year: Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

“If only I had more hours in the day.” How many times have you uttered those words?
If you’re like most people, you either think it or say it daily.
The good news is that we all have more time accessible to us.
The bad news is that we often let others steal it from us.

Consider this: International Communications Research in New York surveyed over 1,000 people on how many minutes per day
they are interrupted with things that they don’t want to do.
Over 42 percent of those surveyed admit that they spend 100 minutes or more every day on interruptions.

This breaks down to the following:

100 minutes (1-2/3 hours) per day
11-2/3 hours per week
26 days per year
5 weeks of vacation

While you can’t make up for lost time, you can have more time to do what you want to do – starting today!
The secret is to use Be Direct with Respect® principles.

Here’s how.

  •  When someone asks, “Can I have five minutes of your time?” the natural response is to say,
    “Sure,” even though you really don’t have  five minutes…and you know those five minutes will grow into 15, 20, or even 30 minutes. A better response is, “Sure, I’d love to help you.   Let me call you when I’m done with this project and we can talk then.”
    Now you’re still engaging the person, but you’re doing it on your terms and your timeline, not theirs.
  •  When someone tries to start a friendly conversation with you or engage in small talk and you don’t have the time,
    the usual response is to stop what you’re doing and talk to the person. After all, you don’t want to be rude.
    A better response is, “I’d love to hear more about your grand kids (or your new project, the new clients, etc.),
    Right now I have a meeting (or a deadline to meet, a report to finish, a doctor’s appointment, etc.).
    So let’s talk about this later today when I’m available.”
    Again, it’s just a matter of redirecting the person to your timeline.
  •   When you have a planned one hour meeting with someone and the hour is almost up but the other person shows no intention of leaving or ending the conversation, most people would let the meeting run over, which then disrupts their entire day’s schedule.
    A better approach is, “Our time is just about up. Why don’t we use the remaining few minutes to decide when we’ll meet again to complete this discussion.”
    At that point the person may suddenly be able to sum up all the key points. And if additional time is needed, now you’re doing it according to your schedule.

Take Back Your Time

Being Direct with Respect® is a skill that enables you to stop interruptions at work and home in order to do the necessary tasks.
It is an art to tell others that you can’t take care of their needs without sounding like a selfish person.
When you’re direct with respect, you can do what you need and want to do and get the respect from others at the same time.

Check out our new Communicate with Impact: Be Direct with Respect ON DEMAND Course.

Click here to Discover how WE can work together to help YOU become a master communicator so that you can add 26 days to your year!

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We want to hear from you!
Please send me your questions or comments in the comment box below… it’s all about connecting with my clients and loyal readers. 🙂
Feel free to share this article with others…just be sure to give credit to Joyce Weiss, Conflict Resolution Consultant (www.JoyceWeiss.com).

Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss
and remember…YOU GET WHAT YOU TOLERATE!

 

 

 

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Questions to Encourage Cooperation and Respect in the Workplace

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get along with a certain co-worker which creates a lot of conflict in the workplace. Maybe your personalities are just too different, or perhaps your work processes and preferences conflict. Despite this fact, you still have to work together – sometimes very closely – so you need to establish a relationship of cooperation and respect.
But cooperation and respect can be hard to maintain. The key is to get the other person to agree on this one working relationship goal, and then to work together (rather than singularly) to keep the cooperation and respect strong. Therefore, meet with the co-worker who is troubling you and together answer these seven questions. Only with this insight can you move forward toward productive results.

1.    What is our main challenge?
You need to pinpoint what specifically keeps you from having a working relationship based on cooperation and respect. Does it have to do with work styles, personalities, ethnicity/cultural differences, etc.? You need to know what you have to overcome before you can actually do it.

2.    How are we different?
Suppose that you figure out that your conflicting work styles cause the friction. The next step is to identify specifically how your work styles are different. For example, maybe you discover that while you prefer to have e-mail communications, your co-worker finds e-mail cold and impersonal and wants face-to-face meetings. At this point remember not to blame each other for the difference or defend yourself. You want to find how to capitalize on your differences.

3.    How are we the same?
Despite your differences, you likely have a few similarities. In fact, at one point in your history together, you probably did one thing – even one small project – together well. What worked then? The key is for you to build off your sameness to establish cooperation and respect.

4.    What opportunities are within our reach?
In other words, if we work together what can we accomplish together? This question gets you to think positively about the other person so you can have the motivation to work together in a way that fosters cooperation and respect.

5.    How can others in the department or company help us?
Remember that you’re not alone. Others in your department or company want you to develop mutual cooperation and respect. Identify who those people are and get their input.

6.    How can we communicate with each other better?
In order to work on your relationship, try spending some time together. This does not mean hanging out together on weekends. It simply means for you to go to lunch together once per week or agree to meet for 20 minutes every Monday to go over weekly goals. Do something to get the dialog started.

7.    How can we amaze ourselves?
Determine what would be an amazing experience for the two of you working together. Describe it in great detail. Use that vision to guide your future working efforts. Before you know it, you’ll have a solid base of cooperation and respect to build from.

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Feel free to share these tips with your team – Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.

Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time…Remember, You Get What You Tolerate!
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

P.S.  Sign up for your own FREE video series – “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace”  HERE

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Reduce Conflict in the Workplace: Take Control of Difficult Conversations

Enhance Your Communication, Enhance Your Career

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired.

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker in order to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of Verbal Aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

There’s no doubt that being able to communicate effectively is a major determinant to professional success. Hostile and emotional reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while counter responses restore harmony and balance.

So the next time you’re the recipient of a verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the other party is pulling you in a direction you don’t want the conversation to go, push forward.

Remember these five tips:

1. Protect yourself from others who try to infect you with their anger and hostility by being Direct with Respect®.

2. No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only force you to absorb the negative message.

3. You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting the comment and then deciding whether to push or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the statement.

4. When you give the other party nothing to push against, you gain control of the situation.

You are able to remain positive during the conversation, not defensive.

5. When all else fails, have the courage to walk away from someone who is verbally attacking you. Don’t be a willing participant in an uncontrollable negative situation.

The more proficient you become at Verbal Aikido, the more natural it will become – and the stronger all your verbal communications will be.

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If you want to go further into your own professional growth, check out the link for the on-demand
Communicate with Impact Course

“Joyce Weiss has a knack for getting to the point when it comes to communication.  Her Communicate with Impact program has taken us to another level in our communication through out all ranks of our organization.  This has allowed us to cut through our  personal barriers to get to the real issues at hand.”

Nancy Wasczenski, Presidnet, Parda Federal Credit Union

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sigh up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time…Remember

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

 

 

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Use Be Direct with Respect® to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Be Direct with Respect® Strategies

You can now go to the next level in your career development after reading this article by taking Joyce’s newest on line course which includes a coaching session on the phone.  You have the opportunity to work with Joyce on an issue that you learned about yourself during the course. Look for details about this exciting offer below the article.

Strategy 1: Eliminate Ambiguity

By being Direct With Respect®, you’ll always begin with positive statements and get right to the point. If your conversation is to point out and correct negative behaviors, describe the person’s actions, not their personality. Use language that makes an impact, yet decreases defensiveness. One good way to do this is by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Also, use factual descriptions instead of judgments or exaggerations.

Strategy 2: Gain the ability to be direct and truthful

When should you be direct and speak up? As soon as you reasonably can. If you wait too long, you may forget what you needed to say, which can leave a nasty residue of resentment that can explode at the wrong time ­ or at the wrong person. While it’s difficult to know precisely when to speak up, it’s equally challenging to know when to let something drop. To gain perspective, imagine how important the incident will be in six months. If you think it will still be important, then say something immediately. If it would sound a little silly in six months, then let it drop.

Remember, though, telling the truth isn’t a license to dump your negative feelings on others.

Strategy 3: Develop positive self-talk strategies that propel your career

Once you realize you’re giving negative messages, make a conscious effort to stop and say something positive instead. Stop focusing on what you feel you don’t do well and congratulate yourself for all your strong points. Also, strive to seek out other positive people so you can support each other. Challenge yourself to break away from negative people who are only holding you down. The more positive you are, the more confident you’ll be at being Direct with Respect®. In return, others will feel more confident about your abilities, thus leading to more future success.

Be Direct with Respect® is a new way of thinking and communicating for those who are used to holding things inside. Once you implement Be Direct with Respect®, you’ll find that being direct and truthful will make you self-confident and earn you the respect you deserve. Even more important, as the concept of Be Direct with Respect® takes hold in your company, your employees will communicate better and build stronger relationships with co-workers and customers alike. Before you know it, morale will be up, profits will soar, and your company will be ready to make its mark on the business world.

Check out how you can go deeper and learn more ideas on how you can communicate with impact with
Joyce’s On Demand Course.
Like my client  Lori did after she took the course.

“Things are really going well here since people started taking the Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact Course.
We continue to see great progress within our management team which is beginning to flow down to the staff.  I had a meeting with one of my managers this moring and she commented again on your program and how well it impacted her.”
Lori Verbrugge, Human Resource Director, Midwest Financial Credit Union

Click the link below so can get ready for radical communication improvement!
Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact On Demand Course

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until our next visit, Remember…
You Get What You Tolerate!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831