Many of my clients experience communication gaps because they are not in the same locations and they work on their own special projects.
Conflict in the workplace exists because communication loops are not completed and expectations are not expressed. This blog post will cover 2 tools that you may have read in my other posts. I feel that it is worth reviewing Be Direct with Respect® and Verbal Aikido. These are tools that can be used daily to reduce conflict in your workplace.
I recently had the privilege of working with the Ely District Bureau of Land Management in Ely Nevada. There were Archeologists, Biologists, Special Legislation Program Managers, Geologists, and other BLM specialists who attended the Team Building Program.
This impressive group is responsible for 11 1/2 million acres in the areas of fire, fuel control, support services, accounting, contracting, maintenance of roads, recreation sites, fences, grazing, wild horses plus so many other issues concerning requests and actions on public land. This group feels passionate about what they do for the public and their enthusiasm is something that I don’t get a chance to see very often.
I hope that you enjoy reading the tips that we covered during the training. They will improve communication skills to reduce conflict in your workplace. They are ideas that you can use immediately.
1. The Power Talk Formula
This tool is perfect to use with colleagues, managers, the public or even your family.
I am ______________________your emotional response
When_____________________non judgmental
Because___________________how it effects you
“I am frustrated when I continuously repeat my concerns about the team gossip because this negativity is decreasing the morale for all of us.”
“I am thrilled when I see the team working on completing the communication loop because this will help remove some of the our daily stress.”
Remember NOT to use the words “you,” “but” or “should”. These words make others feel defensive. If someone becomes defensive it could be a signal that your communication caused the other person to push back.
Pay attention to your tone of voice and the words that you use.
Remember that the person who pulls back is the stronger one in the conversation. Verbal Aikido helps you diplomatically deal with difficult people and bullies.
Here are some tips to use the next time someone pushes you:
Take a deep breath
Do your best to remind yourself not to push back
Agree with the person by saying something like,
“I agree that I did not get back to you immediately.
Let’s take care of this right now while we have each other on the phone.”
This example does not contain any excuses which causes others to push us even more. We are all tired of excuses.
Ask a question when someone says, “You are always so negative.” Your response could be, “Always?” or “Specifically tell me when I was negative.” Be prepared to hear the feedback and not push back by getting defensive.
I know about this first hand when an audience gives constructive feedback. I do my best to listen openly because those are times when I learn about myself.
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
Below is a photo of Joyce with Special Legislation Management and Program Analyst Elena Montenegro-Long, Special Legislation Program Manager Carol Bass, Archaeologist Leslie Riley, and Biologist Marian Lichtler.
Joyce spending dinner with Ely District BLM
Check out these 2 videos from Elena Montenegro-Long and Leslie Riley on what they learned from the Team Building Program:
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If you answered, “yes,” then this article is for you.
When a conflict in the workplace occurs, many people believe they can’t say or do anything to fix it. Whatever happens is always the other person’s problem (or fault), and if they just lay low they can escape any repercussions.
In reality, nothing could be further from the truth.
Everyone in the organization can and should take ownership of situations – not just the managers or leaders. Turning a blind eye to things or hoping for situations to resolve on their own will only lead to frustration. Here’s how to handle both internal and external negative situations and turn them around to reduce conflict in the workplace.
Internal Situation
An internal situation could be a co-worker who is continually negative and always dragging the team down. Or it could be someone who is lazy and not pulling his or her weight with the team. Unfortunately, most people think dealing with such internal situations is the manager’s job only. But in fact, anyone can take steps to address such issues.
Simply saying something like, “I know things are tight here right now. That’s why we all have to pull together and stay focused,” can help diffuse someone’s negativity. Granted, you can’t expect to step in and be the super-hero who saves the company from negative people, but you can have courage to step up and state the facts in a Direct with Respect® way.
Some people are so used to negative people or a destructive culture that they don’t want to risk turning negativity around. But it’s a risk you have to take. If you don’t – if you chicken out – you’ll pay the price later.
External Situations
The customer receives the wrong product…the client’s project is behind schedule and over budget…the local newspaper has printed some less-than-flattering information about your company. These are all examples of negative external situation.
During such times, it’s easy for people to play the “blame game.” They waste so much time finger-pointing and trying to discover the cause of the problem that they forget the real task at hand – to turn things around.
Whatever happened has happened. You can’t go back in time and change things. So stop focusing on the past. Now is when you – even if you’re not the leader – need to step up, take ownership, and decide to fix the situation – or at least get the company headed in the right direction. So what if it’s not your job. You’re a part of the team, which means you have a stake in the outcome. Therefore, do something now.
Small Steps Yield Big Results
In the end, whether the situation taking place is internal or external, you must have the courage to take action. You can’t wait for someone else to always take the lead. So commit to a decision and an action plan. Stay accountable for delivering against or acting upon that plan. And then focus on doing what’s best for the team – that’s the only way you’ll achieve the results you want.
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team – Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
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If so, this blog post if just for you.
Generation Y was born between 1981-1995.
I had the privilege of being the keynote speaker at the Jump Start program for freshmen at Oakland University in Rochester MI.
There were 200 eager freshmen waiting to learn how they can become involved as future leaders during their stay at Oakland University.
Thanks to Chris Jensen (Assistant Director of Leadership and Service) and Meaghan Walter (Graduate Assistant for Leadership Development & First Year Programs) who coordinated & planned the most impressive Jump Start Program.
They made all 200 students feel extremely welcome and important. The enthusiasm continued throughout the entire day. It’s a good thing for Vitamin C and caffeine!
Both Chris and Meaghan helped me plan my portion of the program to make sure that it would be a success.
I thank both of them for their important input to help us achieve a most successful project together.
Joyce with Meaghan Walter and Chris Jensen
We started out the session discussing how these young men and women have the world in their hands.
Each one can make a difference due to their desire to share their uniqueness with the world.
The millennial generation…or generation Y has been given many choices.
They want to become active in making the world a better place.
We had a very energetic discussion on the meaning of success.
We discussed that money is good and a hot career is important.
We also discussed that their unique talents will make the true mark in this world.
They all shared their unique skills and talents that they brought to Oakland University.
This was truly book material!
We then discussed the 4 NEW WORK REALITIES which contained information on my experience dealing with conflict in the workplace between employers and employees.
I helped them discover what to expect when they graduate to prepare for their career development.
Work Reality #1: Generation Y is Both Colliding and Clicking with Gen X, Baby Boomers, & Traditionalists.
Generation Y: Millennials want to express themselves and their unique gifts.
They are on the move because they see many opportunities that are offered to them.
Other generations watch Gen Y change jobs and see this as a lack of work ethic.
This generation may be finding a better job that fits their skills and talents better.
Each generation has its own positive contributions.
All generations need to be ready to collaborate with each other and discuss challenges openly and respectively.
Here’s a question for you… How do you think other generations feel about your own generation?
Are these assumptions accurate or generalizations? The same goes for all generations.
Different equals different. Different does not equal wrong!
Work Reality # 2: Commit Fully to Your Education
Commitment …
Is a gift that you can give to yourself
Empowers you
Brings out your very best potential
Makes you a more valuable student and future employee
I’ve noticed that people who do whatever it takes to get the job done…
Seem to be fulfilled in their life
Become experts in their field
Understand that “just doing my job” is a sign of mediocrity
I have a question for you… How are you showing your commitment to be the best at what you do at school or at work?
Work Reality #3: Constantly Learn
Lifelong learning is the only way to remain competitive.
This relentless drive to acquire new skills & stay informed creates enthusiasm in what you do.
Here is another question for you… What is the best class that you ever took and why?
The answer may reveal some important information on future training or exploration for you.
Work Reality #4: Learn From Setbacks and Convert Challenges Into Success
I told the freshmen the following message:
“You won’t always do the right thing. Maybe you didn’t do well in high school and Oakland University will be your fresh start. You may get your first C in school or even fail a class. Do you drop out or start over, learn and improve?
I know what I’m talking about. Look what I do for a living. Most people would rather die than give a speech. Professional speakers face rejection every time they open their mouth. Some people will not like the speaker’s message, sound of their voice, pattern of their business suit…etc. I’ve become an expert in helping others turn their challenges into an opportunity due to my own work related challenges.”
Here are two more questions… What challenge may be stopping you at this moment? What do you need to do to face the challenge in order to grow?
Failure is never final.
Success does not last forever!
We also discussed multitasking and balancing time between doing homework and having a social life.
Look for these tips from the keynote speech Take the Ride of Your Life in a future blog.
Check out these video testimonials from 3 very bright and positive future leaders at Oakland University.
I enjoyed my time with each and every student and look forward to hearing about their continued success!
Share this blog with your own Gen Y and let me know the result of your communication.
I love staying in touch with my loyal readers!
Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts about your own experiences with different generations.
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This blog post gives you tips to help you plan a very productive meeting.
I had the honor of presenting a workshop to members of MI Society of Association Executives (MSAE) on BEST PRACTICES AS A FACILITATOR.
Thanks to Nichole Tilma (Director of Professional Development & Special Events for MSAE) who invited me to lead the workshop and to Kathy Bart (Director of Sales at Director at DeVos Place) who did a great job as a co-leader.
Kathy Bart, Joyce Weiss, and Nichole Tilma
We started out the program with an important distinction between the words facilitator and expert.
A facilitator is an individual whose job is to help manage a process of information exchange. A facilitator helps HOW the discussion is proceeding. Facilitators ask questions versus give answers. An expert’s role is to offer advice and give answers.
It is important to know the difference because great facilitators understand their role and don’t take over the discussion. They make sure the group moves forward.
I hope that you find the following best practices as a facilitator helpful:
Set Priorities
Find out what the audience needs to know, wants to know and why are there
Set Ground Rules Such as:
Turning off cell phones
No side bars with people whispering to each other
Checking egos at the door in order to have honest conversations
Stopping negativity
Encourage Everyone to Share Ideas by Asking the Group to:
Write down 3 ideas
Share these ideas with a partner
Discuss these ideas in small groups
Bring these ideas back to the large group
Have Fun During the Meeting
Bring small toys for the group to play with during the meeting
Koosh balls
Stress toys
Play dough
Bubbles
Take 30 Minute Stretch Breaks
Have the audience stand and do easy exercises
Share the best idea that they learned so far
Get The Group to Take Action by Using Debriefing Questions
The most important concept that you learned today is…
The first step that you will take is…
The biggest barrier that you will have to overcome is…
You will overcome the barrier by…
If you use these 5 best practices, your next facilitating meeting will be very successful.
Please send me your most challenging issue on how to facilitate your next meeting.
Also, send me your best practices and I will post them in a future blog…giving you credit!
Enjoy co-leader Katy Bart share what she learned from the session
I had the honor of working with the Independent Community Banks of North Dakota. Wendy Ruud-Assistant Vice President of ICBND- asked me to work with her Emerging Leaders Development Group. The Emerging Leaders are creative, bright, and open minded banking leaders who all impressed me…to say the least!
They are progressive, energetic bankers who want to better themselves both personally and professionally.
They are committed to preserve community banking and its philosophy.
We discussed The New Normal…Doing More with Less.
Check out the following topics from the training:
We can’t have a productive work environment if employees are stretched to the max in their work or home life.
All generations need to discuss their needs and challenges with each other in an open forum to create a positive work flow.
Boomers live to work.
Generation X work to live.
Generation Y blend the two
Making time for yourself is not a luxury…it is a necessity
Make appointments with yourself in outlook to go home at certain times to gain control in your personal life
Have strong conversations with negative people who pull the morale down.
Negative people need to understand that they waste a lot of time and energy.
Complaining cannot be tolerated. Bringing ideas to solve an issue must be the new norm.
It is not enough to be efficient. We also need to be effective!
New facts on stress: Burn out means that it is time for a change.
Humor is a survival skill.
Improving morale is a constant challenge for all successful companies.
Learn the lean philosophy from Toyota. Continuously look for waste. Make sure people discuss the root cause of problems immediately before mistakes continue.
We had some very interesting group interaction on each one of the above topics.
Participants walked away with ideas on how to set boundaries at work and home. They commented on how they enjoyed learning new facts on stress to reduce conflict in the workplace.
A special thanks goes out to Wendy Ruud, Anita Quaglia, Dawn Flaten, and David Mason who allowed me to interview them before the program.
Check out the video from Anita Quaglia and Jeremy Jensen – 2 Emerging Leaders on how they will set boundaries after learning new facts about stress.
