Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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#2 Verbal Aikido: The Key to Dealing with Workplace Bullies

As a conflict resolution consultant and accountability coach, I help my clients reduce conflict in the workplace to improve their working condition.

What do you do when someone pushes your button?

  • Defend yourself?
  • Don’t say anything?
  • Think of the perfect answer on the way home?

Verbal Aikido is not pushing back or answering in silence. Verbal Aikido helps you diplomatically deal with bullies who know how to push buttons. Verbal Aikido gives you back the control.

Here is a story about Robert Kennedy when he was appointed Attorney General of the United States.  He knew that he was going to be put on the defensive when he met with the press the day after the appointment.  Senator Kennedy understood the power of verbal aikido.

A member of the press pushed the microphone into Mr. Kennedy’s face and asked, “Senator Kennedy, What gives YOU the right to be Attorney General of the United States? Robert Kennedy took a deep breath and said, “That is a great question. You need to go to a good school, meet a lot of people and have a brother who is the President of the United States.” The press backed away and laughed at the response.

The key in verbal aikido is that the person who pulls back has the power.

Here are some easy tips to use the next time someone pushes you:

  • Think of pulling back. Use the same words they say to you but with a question…
    “You are always late”…”Always?”
    “All managers act this way?”  “All managers?”This tip gives you the control and the bully needs to answer to you!
  • Agree with them by pulling back.
    “Your company was supposed to send me the report 2 weeks ago”
    “You are right.  I will look into it.  Here is my direct number. Call me if you don’t receive the report by 3:00”.By agreeing with them you pulled back and will get the results that you both need. You did not defend yourself in this example by giving excuses such as  “We are short staffed.”

I hope that verbal aikido will give you back control when dealing with bullies in the workplace. My next article will give you tips on how to deal with negativity in the workplace.

Until next time, this is Joyce Weiss and remember… “You get what you tolerate!”

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#1 Be Direct with Respect®: The Key to Reducing Conflict in the Workplace

As a conflict resolution consultant and accountability coach I help my clients reduce conflict in the workplace to improve their working condition.

Many of my clients ask me the burning question… How can I stop gossip, negativity or even mediocrity? The answer… A unique training program called Be Direct with Respect®, a trademark program of Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC.

Be Direct with Respect® is not sarcasm or being rude. It focuses on results & respects yourself and others.

If you have a pen handy…please write these words down

  • I am: your emotional response
  • When I:  non judgmental
  • Because:  how it affects you

This is the power talk formula & is perfect to use when someone asks you to do an “urgent” project at the last minute:

  • “I am frustrated when I have a deadline because
  • I want to help you out.  Bring your project back at 3:00.”

You just set a boundary which is something we need to do with certain people.

Here is an example when to use power talk if your team is not being productive:

  • “I am concerned when I see the team take extra breaks because  the team’s project has a deadline and our goal will not be achieved.”

This example contains boundaries, is direct and respectful.

I hope that being Direct with Respect® will help you gain control & reduce conflict in your workplace.  My next article will give you tips to use when someone pushes you…called verbal aikido

Until the next time, this is Joyce Weiss and remember, “You get what you tolerate!”’

Ready for the next step?

Dare to turn conflict in the workplace into creativity and bigger profits!

When you follow the steps in my “Communication with Impact” e-course you will transform your relationships at work and at home!

You’ll discover the secrets to:

  • Gaining control in tough conversations
  • Building respect between generations
  • Resolving issues with bullies and difficult people

Read what my client, Lori had to say about the course:

“Things are really going well here since we started taking the Communicate with Impact: Be Direct with Respect® program.  We continue to see great progress within our management team which is beginning to flow down to the staff.  I had a meeting with one of my managers this morning and she commented again on how well the course impacted her.” Lori Verbrugge, COO, Midwest Financial Credit Union

Take these simple steps now.  To get immediate access to this transformational training go here:

How to Improve Communication Skills

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Improving Communication Skills:  So You Want to Be a Good Listener?

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Reduce Conflict in the Workplace: Take Control of Difficult Conversations

Enhance Your Communication, Enhance Your Career

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired.

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker in order to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of Verbal Aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

There’s no doubt that being able to communicate effectively is a major determinant to professional success. Hostile and emotional reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while counter responses restore harmony and balance.

So the next time you’re the recipient of a verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the other party is pulling you in a direction you don’t want the conversation to go, push forward.

Remember these five tips:

1. Protect yourself from others who try to infect you with their anger and hostility by being Direct with Respect®.

2. No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only force you to absorb the negative message.

3. You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting the comment and then deciding whether to push or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the statement.

4. When you give the other party nothing to push against, you gain control of the situation.

You are able to remain positive during the conversation, not defensive.

5. When all else fails, have the courage to walk away from someone who is verbally attacking you. Don’t be a willing participant in an uncontrollable negative situation.

The more proficient you become at Verbal Aikido, the more natural it will become – and the stronger all your verbal communications will be.

*******************************************************************************************

If you want to go further into your own professional growth, check out the link for the on-demand
Communicate with Impact Course

“Joyce Weiss has a knack for getting to the point when it comes to communication.  Her Communicate with Impact program has taken us to another level in our communication through out all ranks of our organization.  This has allowed us to cut through our  personal barriers to get to the real issues at hand.”

Nancy Wasczenski, Presidnet, Parda Federal Credit Union

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
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Until next time…Remember

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

 

 

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Use Be Direct with Respect® to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Be Direct with Respect® Strategies

You can now go to the next level in your career development after reading this article by taking Joyce’s newest on line course which includes a coaching session on the phone.  You have the opportunity to work with Joyce on an issue that you learned about yourself during the course. Look for details about this exciting offer below the article.

Strategy 1: Eliminate Ambiguity

By being Direct With Respect®, you’ll always begin with positive statements and get right to the point. If your conversation is to point out and correct negative behaviors, describe the person’s actions, not their personality. Use language that makes an impact, yet decreases defensiveness. One good way to do this is by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Also, use factual descriptions instead of judgments or exaggerations.

Strategy 2: Gain the ability to be direct and truthful

When should you be direct and speak up? As soon as you reasonably can. If you wait too long, you may forget what you needed to say, which can leave a nasty residue of resentment that can explode at the wrong time ­ or at the wrong person. While it’s difficult to know precisely when to speak up, it’s equally challenging to know when to let something drop. To gain perspective, imagine how important the incident will be in six months. If you think it will still be important, then say something immediately. If it would sound a little silly in six months, then let it drop.

Remember, though, telling the truth isn’t a license to dump your negative feelings on others.

Strategy 3: Develop positive self-talk strategies that propel your career

Once you realize you’re giving negative messages, make a conscious effort to stop and say something positive instead. Stop focusing on what you feel you don’t do well and congratulate yourself for all your strong points. Also, strive to seek out other positive people so you can support each other. Challenge yourself to break away from negative people who are only holding you down. The more positive you are, the more confident you’ll be at being Direct with Respect®. In return, others will feel more confident about your abilities, thus leading to more future success.

Be Direct with Respect® is a new way of thinking and communicating for those who are used to holding things inside. Once you implement Be Direct with Respect®, you’ll find that being direct and truthful will make you self-confident and earn you the respect you deserve. Even more important, as the concept of Be Direct with Respect® takes hold in your company, your employees will communicate better and build stronger relationships with co-workers and customers alike. Before you know it, morale will be up, profits will soar, and your company will be ready to make its mark on the business world.

Check out how you can go deeper and learn more ideas on how you can communicate with impact with
Joyce’s On Demand Course.
Like my client  Lori did after she took the course.

“Things are really going well here since people started taking the Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact Course.
We continue to see great progress within our management team which is beginning to flow down to the staff.  I had a meeting with one of my managers this moring and she commented again on your program and how well it impacted her.”
Lori Verbrugge, Human Resource Director, Midwest Financial Credit Union

Click the link below so can get ready for radical communication improvement!
Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact On Demand Course

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until our next visit, Remember…
You Get What You Tolerate!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

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Stress Facts: Is Your Enthusiasm For Work Flickering Out? Reignite the Flame!

Are your coworkers under so much pressure they’re erupting like volcanoes? Do you see people around you turning into pessimists? Are they waiting for the overwhelming situations to just go away?

Burnout is a general erosion of the spirit. It occurs when its victims have been worn out physically and emotionally as a result of long term stress … However, burnout is also a time for deep reflection to make major changes.
or the overwhelming situations to just go away?

10 TIPS TO KEEP THE FLAME BURNING

It took us a long time to form these negative habits, so it may take some time to make life changing choices. These ideas will take you back to the basics. Find the one idea that “speaks to you” and take some action. Are you ready?

1. Find a hobby.

Talk to people who have achieved balance in their lives and find out what activities they’ve added to enrich their lives. What activities have you wanted to experience? Now is the time to discover them – not when you retire.

2. Take a class for fun in order to add something different to your life.

A benefit from taking a new class is that you will meet people who have the same interests as you. If you are thinking that you don’t have the time, ask yourself…”If not now, then when?”

3. Volunteer for a cause that means something to you.

I hear many success stories of people finding new opportunities after they give their time and attention to others. Studies show that people tend to be happier when they help others.

4. Eat right and exercise.

Do these for the right reasons. Find a nutritionist or health coach who will support you to make behavioral changes that are stopping you from feeling as good as you can. It usually takes only a few sessions.

5. Rest.

I don’t mean hide. Your body may need some extra time to heal. So take the time, just don’t use it as an excuse to stay away from others.

6. Concentrate on what is in front of your nose.

If you’re taking a walk, notice what’s in front of you. If you’re at home, notice the person you’re talking to. Do your best to turn off your self talk about work.

7. Suggest holding team meetings to discuss what everyone in the organization can do together.

Are teams working together or waiting for the stress to go away?

The new norm is doing more with less. Strategize fresh ideas on how the team can work better than ever before.

8. Learn how to be authentic and share your thoughts with others.

This tip is a real burnout buster. People who are straightforward experience less stress. Instead of wasting hours during the night thinking of what you should have said to someone, just do it. Be Direct with Respect® is a skill that is well worth learning!

Look at the my Communicate with Impact! online course to stay connected with Joyce and get great results.

9. Discover the necessity of positive humor at work and at home.

Positive humor lightens the stress of impossible tasks. Humor’s not a luxury in our lives anymore, it’s become a necessity.

10. Discover what values are important to you.

The qualities you consider most significant will have a tremendous impact on your life.

Which ones need immediate attention? Could it be personal solitude, creativity, family, social welfare, freedom, or independence? Balance is the key to re-igniting your energy.

REIGNITE YOUR ENERGY!

Abraham Lincoln said, “People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Burnout is a time for us to look within ourselves and find what is missing in our lives. With some introspection and change, we can rekindle our vitality and move on to more exciting times. And one last thing… make sure to enjoy the journey!

Check out the link below if you want to go deeper in your own life to gain the control that you deserve.
You will hear Joyce being interviewed on how to gain control and new facts about stress.
Click on this link to discover more information with the Stress Facts podcast

 

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831