#2 Verbal Aikido: The Key to Dealing with Workplace Bullies

As a conflict resolution consultant and accountability coach, I help my clients reduce conflict in the workplace to improve their working condition.

What do you do when someone pushes your button?

• Defend yourself?
• Don’t say anything?
• Think of the perfect answer on the way home?

Verbal Aikido is not pushing back or answering in silence. Verbal Aikido helps you diplomatically deal with bullies who know how to push buttons. Verbal Aikido gives you back the control.

Here is a story about Robert Kennedy when he was appointed Attorney General of the United States.  He knew that he was going to be put on the defensive when he met with the press the day after the appointment.  Senator Kennedy understood the power of verbal aikido.

A member of the press pushed the microphone into Mr. Kennedy’s face and asked, “Senator Kennedy, What gives YOU the right to be Attorney General of the United States? Robert Kennedy took a deep breath and said, “That is a great question. You need to go to a good school, meet a lot of people and have a brother who is the President of the United States.” The press backed away and laughed at the response.

The key in verbal aikido is that the person who pulls back has the power.

Here are some easy tips to use the next time someone pushes you:

• Think of pulling back. Use the same words they say to you but with a question…
  “You are always late”…”Always?”
  “All managers act this way?”  “All managers?”This tip gives you the control and the bully needs to answer to you!

• Agree with them by pulling back.
  “Your company was supposed to send me the report 2 weeks ago”
  “You are right.  I will look into it.  Here is my direct number. Call me if you don’t receive the report by 3:00”.By agreeing with them you pulled back and will get the results that you both need. You did not defend yourself in this example by giving excuses such as  “We are short staffed.”

I hope that verbal aikido will give you back control when dealing with bullies in the workplace. My next article will give you tips on how to deal with negativity in the workplace.

Until next time, this is Joyce Weiss and remember… “You get what you tolerate!”

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