Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Can We Really Have Tough Conversations With Our BOSS?

cartoon criticize you in publicGlad that you decided to find out the answer which is…It Depends!  Some bosses are open and welcome constructive feedback while others are so full of ego and don’t encourage an open dialogue.  I just returned from presenting several workshops at the US Chamber Institute in Madison WI.  It was a real privilege speaking with men and women who work in chambers or associations throughout the USA.  

One of the sessions I conducted was “Managing Upward.”  I posed the following question to them…”What are some or your challenges with your boss or upper management?” 

Here are some of their responses:

  • The boss not being available
  • There is no follow up on issues that require swift action
  • Not dealing with conflict and letting things slide
  • Meetings which waste our time
  • No accountability with the team
  • Not setting expectations and no one knows what they need to be doing
  • Not having trust with my boss

Ouch!  Is that enough?  The list was a lot longer and you will find more scenarios in future posts.

What would you do if your boss gave you negative feedback in front of your team?

Would you…

  • Stay silent?
  • Say something that you wished you didn’t say?
  • Get the respect that you deserved by being direct with respect?

This is always a tough situation because it depends on so many variables when communicating to upward management.  Here is one option that we practiced in the session.

I don’t want to be disrespectful.
I do want to clear the air.
“I was caught off guard yesterday when I received negative comments in front of my colleagues because I would have appreciated the important feedback in a one to one meeting.”

Let’s dissect this formula.  I don’t want…I do want will make most communication safe.  The group came up with some realistic answers for their own situations using this one strategy. 
I am…when…because is the power talk formula that I have mentioned MANY times in my posts.  This works like a charm.  I was caught off guard is a statement that has NO judgment.  It is how you feel.  Try using this and let me know what results you receive. 

What will you say to your boss if he or she gives you negative feedback in front of others?

Discover how your communications skills impact your success at work.
Click HERE to take the quiz.

I want to hear from you!

CLICK HERE to send me your questions or concerns. I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own conflict in the workplace “issues.”

Want to share or use this Article in Your Newsletter or on Your Website?

Of course! You are welcome to print this, and any other articles we send, if you use the following byline:
A recognized expert on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is an author, communication strategist, and a Certified Speaking Professional. To book Joyce to speak at your event or company call: 800.713.1926 or email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com
Visit her website at ConflictInTheWorkplace.com to sign up for your own FREE video series and Communicate with Impact Weekly to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace.

Please CLICK HERE to Leave a Comment or Question

Send me any comments that you may have about this article. Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts to reduce conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life. Let them know about the “Communicate with Impact Weekly” so they can sign up for their own weekly articles.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist

I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
How do I do this?
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations with bullies and negative people to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance…
The Result? My clients resolve their conflict and they get a better night’s sleep!

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, on line professional growth coaching, and keynote speeches.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

 PS Discover how your communication skills impact your success at work.
CLICK HERE to take the quiz.

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Travel Can be Dangerous: Select Compatable Companions

This new series on “Working with Jerks” is really speaking to many of you.  I have received more private emails about readers’ nightmares concerning difficult people in their personal and professional life.  Let’s see if you can relate with this story.  I will be asking you to share your ideas on how you would have handled the situation.

George’s Travel Nightmare

George went on a trip to Arizona with an alleged good friend of his…Jim.  George came down with the flu and could not participate in the side trips.  George had a high temperature and was upset that he could not partake in the activities.  Here comes the DRAMA!  Can you guess what Jim said to George?  If you guessed that he was sensitive to George’s situation, you are wrong.  Each day Jim said, “George you missed such great experiences.    I can’t believe that you wasted your time sleeping instead of pushing yourself.”  This trip ended a good relationship.  George saw another side of Jim.  He could not continue being Jim’s friend after Jim showed such insensitivity. 

Joyce, What Do You Think?

I spoke to George a few times to make sure that I understood exactly what happened.  I asked him if Jim was just sharing his excitement about his experience and missed his friend.  George told me that Jim was been insensitive and was not concerned at all.  I do realize that there are always 3 sides of every story…George’s side, Jim’s side, and the other side!  If I interviewed Jim, I probably would have heard a totally different explanation. We don’t see how others see us.  This is usually the largest communication breakdown.  George told me that he “should have” spoken to Jim while on the trip.  I suggested that he could still have that tough conversation.  George does not want to continue the friendship. 

I recently went on a vacation with friends and we constantly teased each other about how we don’t see ourselves as others do.  Humor worked with us because we all got into the action.  No one was singled out like Jim did to George.  It’s your turn to share what you would have done in this situation.

What Would You Do If You Were George? 

Would you …  
       Stay silent and not bring this up to Jim?
       Become sarcastic and say something like,  “You are an insensitive jerk.”

Or, would you say, “I don’t want to create stress between us.  I do want to clear the air.  I was  caught off guard when  I  heard the comments about how much I missed while I had the flu.  Those comments didn’t help me one bit.  I felt bad enough that I missed all of the excitement.”

CLICK HERE to watch a short video on my blog, “Why You Have to Run Away From Negatoids.”

 I want to hear from you!

CLICK HERE to send me your thoughts on what you would have done in a similar situation.  I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own communication issues and conflict in the workplace.

Want to share or use this Article in Your Newsletter or on Your Website?

Of course! You are welcome to print this, and any other articles we send, if you use the following byline:
A recognized expert on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is an author, accountability coach, and a Certified Speaking Professional. To book Joyce to speak at your event or company call: 800.713.1926 or email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com
Visit her website at ConflictInTheWorkplace.com to sign up for your own FREE video series and Communicate with Impact Weekly to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace.

Please CLICK HERE to Leave a Comment or Question

Send me any comments that you may have about this article. Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts to reduce conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life. Let them know about the “Communicate with Impact Weekly” so they can sign up for their own weekly articles.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist

I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
How do I do this?
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations with bullies and negative people to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance…
The Result? My clients resolve their conflict and they get a better night’s sleep!

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, on line professional growth coaching, and keynote speeches.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

 PS  Click HERE to watch a short video on my blog, “Why You Have to Run Away From Negatoids.”

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What Happens When Someone is Negative Towards You?

Has this ever happened to you? conflict business man being blamed

A person comes up to you and says, “What’s up with that outfit?” or “Why are you always so quiet?  or “Why are you always so talkative?” I’m sure that some of you are saying, “Joyce, of course that has happened to me!” My question to you is…What have you said or done when people express these statements to you?

Do you…
Suffer in silence?
Give a sarcastic remark?
Become defensive?

I need to make myself clear. I have stayed silent, gave sarcastic remarks, and became defensive. That’s right my loyal readers, even the Be Direct with Respect® Queen gets caught off guard at times. I was in shock when people said things like this to me. I didn’t know how to respond. It was like being with the mean girl or boy in high school!

Watch a short video below at a recent training on The Power Talk Formula.

So Joyce, How can I handle this?
The first thing to do is to step back for a brief moment (The Gap) and think about what you want to say.
This brief time helps you gain control especially if you were NOT expecting such a comment. Do you want to put the other person down (not recommended) or respond in a respectful way? (Recommended)

Here are 5 options to put in your communication tool box.
1. “What do you mean?” This takes the ball from you and puts it back in their bully hands.

2. “This outfit?” You are in control and gain strength by not defending yourself and becoming defensive.

3. “Always silent?” or “Always talkative?” This usually shows the other person that he or she is exaggerating.

4. Change subjects. That’s right. You read this correctly. I don’t need to have someone control a conversation if someone is mean. I actually have said, “So have you seen that latest movie on…?” I usually get a look from the sarcastic one. I don’t really care. I do want to move on and not get into a screaming match!

5.  The Be Direct with Respect® Response is the one that I use most of the times. “I am surprised when I heard this comment about my communication because I welcome constructive feedback and not sarcasm.”

I realize that some of you may think that these options are either too weak or too strong. We all deal with conflict in different ways. The most important idea is for you to think about how you want to react when and if someone “picks” on you. Do your best not to get defensive.

Let me know how you have gained control when someone was sarcastic to you. I will send you a booklet “19 Secrets for Successfully Navigating Life’s Potholes, Ruts and Obstacles.”

I want to hear from you!

Click Here to send me your questions or concerns. I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own conflict in the workplace “issues.”

Want to share or use this Article in Your Newsletter or on Your Website?

Of course! You are welcome to print this, and any other articles we send, if you use the following byline:
A recognized expert on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is an author, accountability coach, and a Certified Speaking Professional. To book Joyce to speak at your event or company call: 800.713.1926 or email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com
Visit her website at JoyceWeiss.com to sign up for your own FREE video series and Communicate with Impact Weekly to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace.

Please Click Here to Leave a Comment or Question

Please send me any comments that you may have about this article.  Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts to reduce conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life. Let them know about the “Communicate with Impact Weekly” so they can sign up for their own weekly articles.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Business Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
How do I do this?
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations with bullies and negative people to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance…
The Result? My clients resolve their conflict and they get a better night’s sleep!

Feel free to call me concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, on line professional growth coaching, and keynote speeches.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

PS Click Here to sign up for my Free Video Series on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace

 

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Are People Rude or Selfish if They are Constantly Late?

clock and hammer bigI recently shared a cartoon from my friend on Facebook that received quite a “buzz.”  NO YOU ARE NOT RUNNING LATE, YOU ARE RUDE!

Here are some of the comments that I received from the post:

  • I will not tolerate someone being late, not my style.
  • I was going to comment on your post, but I was running late.  (someone with a sense of humor)
  • Late drives me nuts.
  • We need to share this with others who need to read it.
  • Maybe the selfish ones are those who don’t care that things happen beyond our control.  Friendship is far more important than a few minutes in time.

This last comment brought on even more passionate comments about the rudeness of others. Obviously if someone is late once in a while that is understandable.  This happens to all of us. The people who I am describing in this post are the ones who are chronic and are late all of the time. … [Continue reading]

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Hello…Is Anyone Listening?

Do you know how your team really feels about work?cartoon oops fb out of time
Do they give you ideas on how to improve processes?
Do they feel comfortable coming to you with ideas on how to improve morale?

The most important question is…Do you want to know the answers to these questions?

Hello…Is anyone listening?
Both leaders and employees tell me that their ideas are not listened to at work.  As a result I’ve been talking a lot about RESPECT in my trainings.  We all need to feel comfortable to express ourselves.  The challenge is – not everyone wants to hear constructive feedback.  There is an art on how to give and receive constructive feedback.  

Check out this video and article on Confused about Constructive Feedback?

The following questions will help you create an environment of RESPECT

  • What are 3 things I do that you like and dislike?
  • What can we do about this?
  • How do you think we can improve meetings?
  • Do you think some employees get better treatment?
  • What would you do first if you became the leader of this business?
  • What should I know about your work that I don’t know?
  • What do you need to know about the business that you don’t know?
  • Do you feel confident to speak your mind without worrying about negative consequences?

Thoughts from Joyce

The questions above are great ways to start removing barriers.  Make sure that you are open to this constructive information.  Train your team how to give feedback.  Tell them that this is NOT the time to become sarcastic, negative, or silent.  It is your way of showing that you want to listen to their ideas.  Once they give their feedback, tell them what you plan on doing or not doing as a result of this conversation.  Feel free to contact me with questions if this is new for you or if you want more details on how to have a successful conversation with your team.  Let me know the results after you ask these questions.

 Want to Use this Article in Your Newsletter or on Your Website?

Of course! You are welcome to print this, and any other articles we send, if you use the following byline:
A recognized expert on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is an author, accountability coach, and a Certified Speaking Professional. To book Joyce to speak at your event or company call: 800.713.1926 or email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com
Visit her website at www.JoyceWeiss.com to sign up for your own FREE video series and Communicate with Impact Weekly to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace.

Was this helpful?

Please send me any comments that you may have about this article. Hit the link at the end of this post to share your ideas or questions. Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts to reduce conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Business Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
How do I do this?
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations with bullies and negative people to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance…
The Result? My clients get a better night’s sleep!

Feel free to call me concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, on line professional growth coaching, and keynote speeches.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

Check out this video and article on Confused about Constructive Feedback?

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831