A person comes up to you and says, “What’s up with that outfit?” or “Why are you always so quiet? or “Why are you always so talkative?” I’m sure that some of you are saying, “Joyce, of course that has happened to me!” My question to you is…What have you said or done when people express these statements to you?
Suffer in silence?
Give a sarcastic remark?
I need to make myself clear. I have stayed silent, gave sarcastic remarks, and became defensive. That’s right my loyal readers, even the Be Direct with Respect® Queen gets caught off guard at times. I was in shock when people said things like this to me. I didn’t know how to respond. It was like being with the mean girl or boy in high school!
Watch a short video below at a recent training on The Power Talk Formula.
So Joyce, How can I handle this?
The first thing to do is to step back for a brief moment (The Gap) and think about what you want to say.
This brief time helps you gain control especially if you were NOT expecting such a comment. Do you want to put the other person down (not recommended) or respond in a respectful way? (Recommended)
Here are 5 options to put in your communication tool box.
1. “What do you mean?” This takes the ball from you and puts it back in their bully hands.
2. “This outfit?” You are in control and gain strength by not defending yourself and becoming defensive.
3. “Always silent?” or “Always talkative?” This usually shows the other person that he or she is exaggerating.
4. Change subjects. That’s right. You read this correctly. I don’t need to have someone control a conversation if someone is mean. I actually have said, “So have you seen that latest movie on…?” I usually get a look from the sarcastic one. I don’t really care. I do want to move on and not get into a screaming match!
5. The Be Direct with Respect® Response is the one that I use most of the times. “I am surprised when I heard this comment about my communication because I welcome constructive feedback and not sarcasm.”
I realize that some of you may think that these options are either too weak or too strong. We all deal with conflict in different ways. The most important idea is for you to think about how you want to react when and if someone “picks” on you. Do your best not to get defensive.
Let me know how you have gained control when someone was sarcastic to you. I will send you a booklet “19 Secrets for Successfully Navigating Life’s Potholes, Ruts and Obstacles.”
I want to hear from you!
Click Here to send me your questions or concerns. I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own conflict in the workplace “issues.”
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A recognized expert on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is an author, accountability coach, and a Certified Speaking Professional. To book Joyce to speak at your event or company call: 800.713.1926 or email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com
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Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss, Business Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
How do I do this?
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations with bullies and negative people to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance…
The Result? My clients resolve their conflict and they get a better night’s sleep!
Feel free to call me concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, on line professional growth coaching, and keynote speeches.
Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!
See YOU Next Week.