Have you ever dreaded going to work or to a family vacation?
Do you wonder if your co-workers or relatives will ever get along?
I had a very interesting family trip this winter break. My husband and I went on a family cruise with our children and grandchildren consisting of 6 adults and 3 teens. We are all strong personalities and are extremely independent. Our conversations are NEVER dull!
Mistakes other families made while on the cruise
I over-heard conversations from other families while I walked on the outside track. I realized that our family got it right…without even trying. One grandfather was complaining that his family didn’t ask to be excused at the dinner table. He was visibly upset while he was yelling at his son. Another family was frustrated because they never saw their children except at dinner. Others were judging each other for not going to the same social activities on the ship. I actually saw one family who looked bored and heard them complain that there was nothing to do. They were always together and were getting on each other’s nerves. How can I be so certain? I saw their relationships go down-hill daily on my walks.
Being the constant conflict resolution consultant, I decided to interview my family after we returned. I asked them why our experience worked out so well for ALL 9 of us. Yikes, not an easy thing to do.
Secrets to guarantee a successful family or team event:
We didn’t travel together for over 8 years and everyone wanted to go on this trip. The photo says it all. We really treasured our time together. We were there for the right reasons…to have fun, relax, and bond.
1. We all respected that everyone was going to do their own thing. Some sat at the pool, exercised, scuba dove, snorkeled, shopped, read and attended wine tasting events. We didn’t discuss any of this before the trip because we are all independent and vary in personalities and interests. Doing our own thing would not be an issue.
I strongly suggest that people set boundaries before any trip to make sure that the expectations are realistic. Realize that everyone wants to do different things. This way no one is compromising what they want to do.
2. We decided that dinner was the time when all 9 of us would eat together and share what we did during the day. This way no one could say that we didn’t make time for each other. We valued our time together and I wish I was a fly on the wall when the “bored families” met for dinner. The complaining must have been book material!
3. We all met new friends during the day and included their families with ours. Being inclusive added such a great dimension to the family dynamics. We enjoyed getting to know each other and we all benefited from expanding our interests. The families that I heard argue during my walks were exclusive from others. They started getting on each others’ nerves by not expanding their horizons. Of course you know your family and there may be times when you only want to stick together. I know that by meeting new friends, we all laughed more. The teens will be seeing each other after the cruise. The last night of the cruise was so powerful because we celebrated with our new friends before dinner.
4. There was a teen Xclub on the ship. This was a place where cousins and sisters and brothers could separate and expand their friendships. At times they hung out together by listening to music or watching TV which was so nice to see. Other times they were with their new friends. This is such a great lesson for all of us. There are so many choices on ships or in life and all we have to do is walk in the room and new opportunities will appear. First we have to open the door to the “teen Xclub!”
5. If a family member is negative or sarcastic make sure that you nip it in the bud. We had to do this only once. It was uncomfortable at first to have this tough conversation BUT it cleared the air. The family is still laughing at how we resolved our “issue” on the Big White Chairs. You know by now that I recommend having tough conversations. Resolving conflict removes stress, creates respect and usually gets great results.
Taking Joyce Weiss’ experience back to your workplace
You may not be going on a family trip in the near future but you can still use the ideas in this post at work.
1. Set realistic expectations by listening to the needs of your team and having them listen to you. This will save a lot of miscommunication! Stress is eliminated because everyone understands what needs will be met.
2. Discover what your team members want to do and how they could use their skills in the best way possible. It may be time to switch job functions to increase productivity. It is best for the company and employees to keep STAR employees from leaving by making sure that they are in the best position.
3. Create a time where everyone gets together to discuss what is going on in their day in order to create an engaged team and remove any glitches.
4. Expand the team’s creativity by including other divisions or departments to support each other better.
5. Nip any negativity or sarcasm in the bud. Ask yourself how much lost productivity exists by NOT dealing with tough issues.
Find ideas on the importance of respect in this article and video.
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Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC > www.JoyceWeiss.com
Please let others know about these blog posts on reducing conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life.
Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss, Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help others have tough conversations so they get a better night’s sleep.
Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!
P.S. Click here for my article and video on Respect in the Workplace
