Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Inspect Respect: Respect is a 2 Way Street

conflict business man being blamedDo you deal with a workplace bully and want to know how to set boundaries with this person to improve conflict in the workplace?
Did you have an important conversation that changed your life?
This blog post describes a turning point in my life.  I hope that it will unlock your own story.

Why RESPECT is so important to Joyce

I was asked to be a guest on the TV show Impact.  The host – Mike Domitrz, founder of Date Safe Project wanted me to share my story on why “respect” was so important to me both personally and professionally. He found me on line because of my trademark Be Direct with Respect®. I started thinking about what I would say and was at a loss for words…this doesn’t happen often being a conflict resolution consultant and keynote speaker! 🙂

I started asking friends why respect was important to them so I could start thinking of my own reasons.

Watch this 14 minute TV show-Impact (below)  with host Mike Domitrz, founder of Date Safe Project 
which describes a conversation that impacted my life.

Look for a future article on Mike Domitrz about the remarkable messages he gives to schools and military about respect, healthy dating, and sexual assault.

I remembered a turning point in my life which was buried for a long time.

I was 21 and just graduated from college as a teacher. I just moved out on my own. I was a free spirit who was always focused on doing well in school. My parents taught me that hard work and persistence were key ingredients to a successful life. My self-esteem was intact. So I thought!

Then I met Jerry, a talented attorney. After a one year court ship, we were married and that’s when the battles began. Our arguments were like we were in a court room with a judge always present. Jerry was very articulate, and because I was not trained in the art of debate, I was no match. I am a positive person who loves to have fun, and tries to be fair. This situation was not fair, and I didn’t have a clue how to stand up for myself.

After living like this for several months, I started to feel like all my energy had been zapped. It was like the defragmenters in Harry Potter. I started feeling invisible…like I had no voice. I didn’t want to get a divorce, but I knew I couldn’t continue living like this.

I became a woman on a mission to learn all about assertiveness so I could get my husband to behave! One book, The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner really opened my eyes. Dr. Lerner wrote that when one person in a relationship changes the steps of the dance the other person follows. It finally became so clear to me. I was trying to change Jerry and nothing ever changed except my frustration level! I knew that I had to alter the steps of the dance. I was the one who needed to change. I needed to take a risk and have a tough conversation the next time a disagreement came between us.

I can remember the argument that broke this passive pattern.

I was filled with excitement about my decision to go back to school and pursue a career in counseling and coaching. Nothing would stop me now. I thought that Jerry would be as thrilled as I was that I would go back to school and help others resolve their issues on their own.

I couldn’t wait to share my new ideas with Mr. Lawyer. Have you ever been caught off guard when someone reacts in a different way than you thought they would act? Well I was caught off guard…big time when Jerry “told me” that going to school would be a waste of time. He “wanted” me to go into sales since he knew how focused I was and that I was a hard worker.

The old Joyce disappeared during THAT argument. I was calm, took a breath and a huge risk and said, “I am frustrated when I share my excitement about becoming a counselor because my ideas are discounted.” I changed the dance steps! Jerry was surprised with my direct statement. I respected him and was not sarcastic and most importantly I respected myself by standing up for what was important to me.

That one conversation changed our entire relationship.

It took many more books and months of coaching for both of us to change our steps. Now let’s fast forward 47 years. We are still happily married. Of course we disagree, yet we are now equal and there is no winning or losing. When people ask me why I became a conflict resolution consultant …I tell them that I married a lawyer. They laugh and think that I’m joking. You know the rest of my story.

So what about you? Is there a moment in your life when something changed…when you finally spoke up for yourself? We all have our own story. Some of us are still struggling and not getting the respect that we deserve. You have to be the one who changes in order to improve any relationship…not them. What message is speaking to you right now after hearing my story? 

Was this helpful?

Please send me any comments that you may have for this blog post.  Place your comments by hitting the “comment link” at the end of this post. Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these articles.  Feel free to share this post. Just make sure and give credit to:
Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC > www.JoyceWeiss.com

Please let others know about these ideas on reducing conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Conflict Resolution Consultant

I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

PS Read this article on Setting Boundaries with Workplace Bullies to reduce conflict in the workplace and improve communication.

 

 

 

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A Powerful Yet Simple Tip to Help You Stay Positive

 

Joyce with her son Ron
Joyce with her son Ron

I wish you were a fly on the wall when my son taught me an important lesson

It’s funny about life.  At times our adult children start using OUR words.  Of course they may not recognize this but we sure do.  It seems like a miracle when this happens…especially when we remember when they were teenagers!  A few months ago I was speaking with my son, Ron and was complaining about a future meeting.  I was looking forward to seeing one of my favorite clients.  I was excited to use new and improved strategies at the workshop that I was conducting.  The training session was being held in February and was located in the Bahamas….I reside in MI. 

I was complaining on how I didn’t want to spend time with a  colleague because he monopolizes  ALL conversations and turns everything into a negative.  He drains everyone around him.  I help people have conversations like this so they can  take control of these difficult people.  I also know that there are times when nothing seems to work…especially when we deal with people who don’t listen well.  

So, What Did Ron Say?

“Mom, concentrate on steel drums and sunshine.  You are wasting too much energy thinking about this long winded colleague.”  I said, “Ron, how did you get so smart?”  It dawned on me that I say the same things to family members, friends, and clients.  Those were MY words that Ron said to his mom.  The important part of this story is that we all slip into old patterns at times.  It takes someone else to point this out to us.  I immediately “changed my state” as Tony Robbins (Author of Unlimited Power) tells us to do when we need to change our internal messages. 

I have told many people this story and I get interesting reactions.  Everyone “gets it” immediately.  We all need reminders on the valuable time that we waste when we constantly complain and don’t do anything about it.  Others told me how lucky I am to have a son who is so honest with me.  That is how I am with all of my family. Our conversation are never dull!  What goes around comes around.

Click the links below to find out what legal services my son, Ron Weiss offers to his clients.
Michigan Injury Law and Michigan Lemon Law

So What About You?

Has someone gently kicked you when you needed to “change your state?”  If so, lucky you.  Remember to let others know when they are wasting valuable time complaining. You will be appreciated when your statement is direct, positive, without judgment and sarcasm.  Please click here for a short video on “Dealing with Negativity in the Workplace.”

Write your own story and what you have said to others when they needed a gentle reminder on how their negativity was getting in their way.  If you have questions on what you can say to someone, please ask me and I will respond.

Was this helpful?

Please send me any comments that you may have for this blog post. Place your comments in the comment box at the end of this post. Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Feel free to share this post. Just make sure and give credit to: Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC > www.JoyceWeiss.com

Please let others know about these blog posts on reducing conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is experiencing stress… who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Conflict Resolution Consultant

I help others have tough conversations so they get a better night’s sleep.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

PS Click here for a short video on “Dealing with Negativity in the Workplace”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Liberate Your Team With These 4 Easy Steps

 cartoon good attitude its free

Thoughts from Joyce

I’ve been meeting many people who share their stories on why they love working at their company…and these are NOT the owners or presidents!
You will experience their stories in future blogs.  Many of you know that I help people take on conflict and resolve it to get better results. 

The other part of the equation is how to feel more engaged at work to resolve conflict in the workplace.  This post will help those of you who want 4 easy ways to start seeing smiles at work again.  Please call me if your team is experiencing hidden agendas, lack of responsibility and accountability because the ideas below will work only after you remove the communication issues. BUT if you have a good team and want to make the environment more positive…enjoy these tips.

How can you make your work environment more enjoyable? Increase motivation? Create an atmosphere where others share new ideas? Working with a team is at times tedious and contentious.  Bring on more cake!

The following ideas are a good starting point to liberate your team:

1. Celebrate small wins (birthdays)

2. Manage the junk pile (What is the most annoying rule we can eliminate?)

3. Appreciate them now (Write thank you notes to 2-3 people each week especially when people take risks, speak well to a customer/member, and handle a tough member.)

4. See windows of opportunity (Organize a team to visit other teams to see how they involve their employees)

 

 Check out this article on 5 Ridiculously Simple Ways to Improve Your Team.

Was this helpful?
Please send me any comments that you may have for this blog post. Place your comments in the comment box at the end of this post.
Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Feel free to share this post. Just make sure and give credit to: Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC > www.JoyceWeiss.com.

Please let others know about these blog posts on reducing conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out… who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life.

Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss, Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help others have tough conversations so they get a better night’s sleep.
Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

PS  Check out this article on 5 Ridiculously Simple Ways to Improve Your Team

PPS Please click here for gift ideas for unique inspirational professional growth books.  I will autograph all copies once you send me the names.  Shipping and handling are FREE. 

 

 

 

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You Have to Read This to See the Importance of JOY at Work

menloPeriodically I share innovative projects and systems that my colleagues or clients are doing to reduce conflict in the workplace and create employee engagement. This post is about a company based in Ann Arbor, MI. It’s fearless leader, Rich Sheridan’s title says it all – “CEO, Chief Story Teller & Tour Guide.”    Anna Flynn who is also in the photograph has the following title…“Jack of all Trades.”

Menlo Innovations is a leader in the business value of joy and is passionate about building quality software. They have been voted the 101 Best & Brightest Companies to Work numerous times.

The minute I walked in I knew I was not in a “normal” place! There was no receptionist. There were no cubicles. The room was full of people laughing and working together. Rich was right in the middle of all of this and was NOT in a special gold studded office.

 The following are just a few of the best practices at Menlo Innovations:

  • pairing; no one works alone 
  • change partners every 5 days
  • open and collaborate workspace
  • 40 hour work weeks
  • pets and babies at work
  • making mistakes faster

Menlo’s way of hiring new team members:

Team members and leaders don’t ask any questions to the job applicants. Job applicants are put to work immediately. There are 30-50 people working at the same time during the interview. The applicant experiences what they will be doing if they get hired… to make sure that they like this kind of environment without micro managers. In 20 minutes they switch pairs. This process takes 2 hours.

 After they leave employees gather to analyze what they observed. The team discusses whether the job applicants bring out all the best qualities in their partners. The applicant’s job is to make the other applicant look as good as possible.

When they make the cut applicants are invited back for the 2nd interview and get paid for their time. If they make this cut they work for 3 weeks to see if they like the Menlo Way and if Menlo sees a fit.

How does Menlo deal with conflict?

Team members receive feedback from a peer group whenever they request it. When team members have an issue with others they are empowered to take care of this themselves. A factory floor manager gives them strategies if they need extra assistance. Managers don’t get involved.

 Check out Joy, Inc: How We Build a Workplace People Love by Richard Sheridan.   

 Rich offers an inside look at how he removed the fear and ambiguity that typically make a workplace miserable. I will be writing another blog post about Menlo Innovations after I read Joy, Inc.

Check out this video on resources to reduce conflict in the workplace to increase morale at work.

 Thoughts From Joyce

I can just hear some of you thinking…”I would love to work at Menlo Innovations” or “This will never work at my company.” Why not? Start with small steps. Reread some of my past posts on how other companies engage their employees.

 Let me know what you do to engage your employees to bring JOY at work. When I started my career, leaders told me NOT to have their employees laugh during my presentation. Leaders only wanted serious training to increase productivity. They only wanted me to share strategies. I’m so glad that this archaic thinking has changed. Those of you who know my personality realize that humor is part of my life and every training project. Laughter and getting energy from each other makes a great training session rock!

Was this helpful?

Please send me any comments that you may have for this blog post. Place your comments in the comment box at the end of this post. Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Feel free to share this post. Just make sure and give credit to  Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC > www.JoyceWeiss.com

Please let others know about these blog posts on reducing conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is experiencing some stress… who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Conflict Resolution Consultant

I help others have tough conversations so they get a better night’s sleep.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

 PS. Check out this video on Resources to reduce conflict in the workplace to increase morale at work.

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Powerful Presentation Skills Secrets From a 13 Year Old

dylan bm at BTDo you want to…

  • Get a standing ovation at your next speech?
  • Feel more confident at your own presentation?
  • Earn the respect that you deserve?
  • Have fun during your presentation?

If you answered “yes” to any of these important stress producers, then you are in the right place!  This blog post will show you EASY ways to create a speech that your audience will appreciate and that you will actually enjoy.

I had the honor of being my grandson’s tutor for his Bar Mitzvah speech.  The portion that I helped Dylan with was in English.  The Temple asked me to help him since I am a keynote presenter and consultant who writes my own material.  I jumped at the chance and didn’t realize that this  experience was going to be such a highlight in my life.  Many of my clients share that they create a lot of stress and conflict for themselves when they have to make a presentation.  Believe me they are NOT alone! 

It took us over a year to do the research and develop Dylan’s paper. 
He had to find 2 heroes that represented his values.  Dylan selected Simcha Blass (the Israeli inventor of drip irrigation) and Salva Dut (who develops wells in South Sudan with his project “Water for South Sudan.)  Dylan thought that we were almost done.  Here is where the fun began!  Please try these tips when you develop your own speech. 

I asked Dylan to read his speech out loud.  He did and like any good coach I asked him, “What did you like about your presentation and where can you improve?”  His answer was perfect when he said, “I liked the content but I was bored when I read it out loud.” 

We usually fall in love with our words of wisdom which is good.  The first step is to create an interesting speech.  I find that most people miss the second step…which is delivery.  Think of a time when you heard a speaker and you bored out of your mind.  The content was probably good BUT it is all about delivery. The delivery part of the project took 6 months.  We immediately fixed the part where he was bored. 

Here are the secrets on why he received a standing ovation:

  • We placed the symbols >>> where he needed to pause
  • We highlighted the areas where there was humor and placed a 🙂  at the end of the sentence so he would smile.  This gave a hint to the audience and sure enough they laughed during these great moments
  • We underlined words that needed emphasis
  • We marked sentences where he needed to lower his voice
  • We found stories in his own life so the audience could relate

He worked on this part for weeks and guess what happened?  His presentation was not only informative, humorous, and delivered like a professional…he also received a standing ovation.  This is not typical when a 13 year old gives a speech!

What can we all learn from this? 

  • Be yourself and make sure to add humor in your speech.  I’m not talking about jokes!
  • Decide where you need to slow down, emphasize words, and lower your voice.
  • Add stories from your own experience.  I don’t care what topic you are speaking about because this personalizes your ideas.
  • Prepare, prepare and prepare so your audience thinks that you are relaxed and an expert.

    The experience that Dylan and I had was priceless.  The lessons that we both learned were amazing.  I hope that these ideas will help you create future speeches that will reduce stress and conflict for you.  Please feel free to ask me questions about your own presentation skills.  I look forward to answering your questions.  If you need another pair of eyes to see how you can improve your speech, please feel free to contact me. 

 Was this helpful?
Please send me any comments that you may have for this blog post. Place your comments in the comment box at the end of this post.
Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Feel free to share this post. Just make sure and give credit to:
Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC > www.JoyceWeiss.com

Please let others know about these blog posts on reducing conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is experiencing some stress… who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life.

Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss, Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help others have tough conversations so they get a better night’s sleep.
Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

 PS  If you want to learn how to Communicate with Impact please read this description about a powerful On-Line Master Communication Course.  The course will teach you how to improve your communication at meetings, deal with bullies and negative people, and reduce conflict in the workplace.  Feel free to call me for more details on how I will be your coach for 2 months.  The course only requires a few minutes of work per day.  Call today (800.713.1926) to start improving your communication so you can earn the respect that you deserve!

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831