Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Communication Strategist and Master Coach

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My Favorite Conflict Resolution Skill to Use with Bullies

  • Do you want to use my favorite conflict resolution skill to gain control during tough conversations?
  • Are you ready to learn or relearn a communication strategy to use with bullies or others who push you?
  • If so, you are in the right place at this very moment. 😊

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Conflict Resolution Skill #1:  Verbal Aikido

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a conflict resolution skill that won’t get you fired.

Conflict Resolution Skill:  A Definition of Verbal Aikido

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to conflict resolution skillcounter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Conflict Resolution Skill:  Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of this powerful conflict resolution skill is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

Stay Connected with Me

  • Add a comment to my blog on how you deal with bullies.
  • What stories or expressions help you?
  • You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂
  • You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work. more read here.

Please contact me at my cell 248.310.6998 or 800.713.1926 to explore how executive or career coaching could be a great action step for your career development. There are many options to fit your budget and time schedule!   My last 4 clients have asked me to help them feel more comfortable with their virtual training on zoom. They all knew that their meetings were boring and wanted to change this.  It only takes a few sessions to make this happen.  Hey, what can I say?  I’m quick and clients use their new virtual learning skills immediately.  A win/win for all.  🙂

Isn’t amazing how much drama occurs in the workplace?  It’s like it has it’s own reality TV show! 
If you can relate, it’s costing you BIG time!  I specialize in supporting  frustrated emerging leaders and business professions to kick conflict to the curb to get the respect and peace they deserve!

Find your voice with Joyce!

I would love to work with you!

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

Until next time, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Queen of Conflict Resolution

Have a great week.

Rememer, You Get What You Tolerate!

 

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Video #7: Verbal Aikido to Stop Bullies from Making You Feel Defensive

#bulliesintheworkplace #coach #verbalaikido

I have an important question for you:
Do you want to add an easy strategy in your tool-box to gain control with difficult people and bullies in the workplace?

Welcome to video #7 in the series “Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace”:  Verbal Aikido to gain control with bullies and difficult people. Today I’ll share how you can pull back when others push you with their negativity

Bullies in the Workplace Strategy #1:  At Times we Need to Bully the Bully

You heard me right.  Bullies admire those who speak with strength and don’t let bullies get away with their negative behavior. bullies in the workplace

Here’s an example I used with my coaching client who was tired of feeling defensive all the time when a bully constantly pushed her.

The bully said, “All our managers don’t know anything about how hard it is to work with our demanding clients.”  My client used to push back by saying, “How can you say that?” – pushing back.  She learned this new approach below after only a couple of sessions.

She agreed with the bully.  For example, “You’re right.  We may not understand how tough it is with these unhappy clients – please let me know how we can support your efforts.” This is an example of Verbal Aikido.  Pulling back and not pushing back.  I always say that it’s a huge risk using these strategies with bullies.  I also know that when it works out, it’s worth the risk.

Stay tuned for more examples of how clients gained control by using verbal aikido.

Bullies in the Workplace Strategy #2:  Work with a Communication Strategist

You may be ready or you know someone who wants to explore working with a career coach or communication strategist to go deep and bullies in the workplaceresolve communication challenges with difficult people or bullies in the workplace.  If you want to explore options working with me as your private coach or anyone who you feel could benefit from a few sessions – call me at 800.713.1926.  We will send you a new brochure that describes how coaching could be a good next step.

Find your voice with Joyce

Do you know how your communication impacts your success at work?  Take the FREE Communication assessment HERE and you will receive your scores immediately.  I will send you an email after you take the assessment with ideas that you can use to improve your communication skills.

Let’s connect on LinkedIn HERE.  You will find my article on Verbal Aikido on my LinkedIn profile HERE

Until next time,
Joyce Weiss, M.A. CSP
Career Coach and Communication Strategist

Have a great week
Remember…you get what you tolerate!

 

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Video 6: Changing our Attitudes to Protect Ourselves from Bullies in the Workplace

Does your attitude affect how you deal or don’t deal with bullies in the workplace?

Welcome to video #6 in the series “Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace.”  This week’s post and video describe how our attitude affects our communication when we deal with bullies.  I know this is nothing new!  It’s all about attitude!

The better we feel about ourselves, the fewer times we have to knock someone down in order to feel tall!
Odetta, American Singer, and Actor
I would like to give bullies Odetta’s quote – wouldn’t you?

Strategy #1:  How Your Attitude Affects Your Interactions with Bullies

One of my coaching clients practiced how to make conversations safe with me before he had the tough conversation.  His bully actually listened to him after the interaction.  This bully was not aware that his words hurt others.  No one had the nerve to speak with him.  My client did and the bully now has respect for him.  Instead of saying, “Why do you like insulting our team members?”  He changed this to, “Let’s all discuss how we can communicate better with everyone on our team.”  The bully was included in the conversation and the team opened up with solid solutions and deep conversations.  A win/win was the result.

Strategy #2:  How Your Attitude Affects Your Interactions with Bullies

What can you do?

  • Stop complaining about the bully to others
  • Create a plan
  • Go to leadership
  • Practice the communication skills that you learned in the seriesYou can search for the entire series – Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace on the links below:
    LinkedIn, My YouTube Channel or This Blog:

Here’s a disclaimer!  It’s always a risk to have tough conversations.  At least you tried!  You didn’t stand still and take the constant sarcasm or criticism from this difficult person.

I want to Hear From You

Add a comment to my blog on how you deal with negative people on your team.  What stories or expressions help you?  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Stay Connected with Joyce

Click the link for more information on how I can help you and your team with bullies in the workplace,
Please contact me at 800.713.1926 to explore how career coaching could be a great action step for your career development.
There are many options to fit your budget and time schedule! 🙂

Send me an email
I will send you an article on Wave Goodbye to Workplace Feuds.

 

Until next time,

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Career Coach and Communication Strategist

I hope you have a great week!

 

 

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Video #5: The GAP and Triggers to Protect Yourself From Bullies in the Workplace

#bulliesintheworkplace #bullies #coach #coachingworks #bullyingprevention #bullyvideo

Do you know how to control yourself when bullies in the workplace push your hot buttons?

Welcome to the series Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the  Workplace.  This video gives you 2 strategies on how to protect yourself from bullies.

If you missed any of the previous videos, please click the links below:

Intro Video to Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace
Video #1:  Facts about Bullies in the Workplace
Video #2:  Are you a Target for a Bully
Video #3:  Why Bullying Happens
Video #4:  Does Your Organization Handle Bullies?

Bullies in the Workplace Strategy #1:  Use the GAP bullies in the workplace

  • The GAP helps us make a choice on how we react
  • It’s a space that we give ourselves to think about our response before we open our mouth
  • Get into the GAP instead of automatically responding
  • Recognize when you are angry and get into the GAP
  • Separate yourself from the criticism
  • Don’t take it personally

Bullies in the Workplace Strategy #2:  Know your Triggers

  • Be aware of who sets you off
  • People do irritating things because that’s who they are – not because of who we are
  • Prepare yourself before you see your trigger who drives you crazy
  • Remind yourself that you don’t have to push back
  • You can decide how to react

More Thoughts from Joyce

The GAP and knowing your TRIGGERS are 2 powerful strategies that get me through many professional and personal gatherings.
There are certain people who drive me crazy.  I am human! 🙂  I know who these people are and prepare myself to leave the conversation earlier than I did before and take a deep breath to remind myself that I don’t need to get sucked into their negativity.  Clients thank me for these 2 ideas since they work!

Please contact me at 800.713.1926 to explore options for working with me as your private coach.  Find your voice with Joyce is one of our new taglines.

Discover blind spots and how your communication impacts the success of your career.  All sessions are conducted on the phone to fit your schedule and budget.  The good news is that it usually only takes a few sessions to improve your communication skills.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you control bullies or questions on how to control your bully. What stories or expressions help you get through the stress? You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Please visit my YouTube channel or connect with me on LinkedIn where I have posted numerous stories about having tough conversations with difficult people.

This is Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Career Coach and Communication Strategist

 

Have a great week.

Until next time, remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

If you missed any of the previous videos in the series, please click the links below:

Intro Video to Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace
Video #1:  Facts about Bullies in the Workplace
Video #2:  Are you a Target for a Bully
Video #3:  Why Bullying Happens
Video #4:  Does Your Organization Handle Bullies?

 

 

 

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Video # 4: Does Your Organization Have A Process to Deal with Bullies?

#bullies #bulliesintheworkplace #coach #careercoach #communicationstrategist

Welcome to video #4 in the series – Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace

Does your company have a process to deal with bullies in the workplace?

This video and article describe 4 different levels of intervention.  Clients who use this process have seen positive results because leaders can address the bully with this system. It’s never easy having these tough conversations.  Leaders who don’t know how or who sweep these meetings under the rug eventually see the morale go down the tubes.

Productive individuals have left former jobs when leaders did nothing with bullies or other difficult people.  They found jobs in organizations where leaders know the importance of direct communication and accountability.  How many of your star employees have left your company?  I hope that these strategies will stop this from happening in the future.

You will find links to the other videos that you may have missed at the end of the article.

How to stop bullies in the workplace intervention #1:  Informal Intervention

  • Talk to your bully over coffee or in your office.
  • Describe the disruptive behavior without sounding too critical.
  • The intention of this first meeting is to let the bully know that this behavior has to change.
  • If the bully gets defensive let him or her know that there are more professional ways to respond.
  • Discuss professional options.

How to stop bullies in the workplace intervention #2:  Awareness Intervention

  • Collect data about bullying behavior.
  • Discuss how the quality of work is being disrupted.
  • Most people will adjust his or her behavior during this meeting.
  • There could be a blind spot with this bully and no one ever called it to his or her attention.

How to stop bullies in the workplace intervention #3:  Authority Intervention

  • Leaders develop an evaluation plan with accountability built-in when behaviors persist.
  • Expectations need to be clear.
  • What behaviors need to be improved?
  • What actions will happen if the bully doesn’t change?
  • A timeline is presented.

How to stop bullies in the workplace intervention #4:  Disciplinary Intervention

  • Talk to human resources and share your data.
  • The bully has been warned several times.
  • He or she “shouldn’t” be surprised with the outcome due to the clear expectations and previous interventions.

More thoughts from Joyce

As a career coach and communication strategist, I have seen the danger of bullies in the workplace when nothing is addressed.  It gets complicated when the boss is the bully!  Clients address their challenges and we explore powerful strategies.  Some of these strategies will be addressed in the next few videos.  Please visit my YouTube channel or connect with me on LinkedIn where I have posted numerous stories about having tough conversations with difficult people.

Please contact me at 800.713.1926 to explore options for working with me as your private coach.  Find your voice with Joyce is one of our new taglines.
Discover blind spots and how your communication impacts the success of your career.  All sessions are conducted on the phone to fit your schedule and budget.  The good news is that it usually only takes a few sessions to improve your communication skills.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how your organization deals with bullies.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Read More Here to learn how I can leverage my 30+ years as a career coach and communication strategist.
Kick Conflict to the Curb:  Get the respect you deserve! 😉

This is Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Career Coach and Communication Strategist

 

Until next time, remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

P.S.  You will find the previous videos in the links below.  Be prepared to learn strategies that will take your communication skills to the next level.

Intro Video to Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace
Video #1:  Facts about Bullies in the Workplace
Video #2:  Are you a Target for a Bully
Video #3:  Why Bullying Happens

 

 

 

Contact Joyce

Joyce Weiss
6737 Oyster Cove
West Bloomfield, MI 48323

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 1-248-681-5831

Let’s Connect