Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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My Favorite Quote on Sarcasm

This quote is great for those of us who use sarcasm with those who understand our sense of humor.

#favoritequoteonsarcasm #oscarelevant #favoritequotes

Oscar Levant’s quote conveys different messages to us.  The first time I saw it, I started to laugh.  It was funny to me.  Other’s have taken the quote personally and think that they are being judged for using sarcasm.  Full disclosure here – I am a sarcastic person.  It works with certain people in a positive way and it backfires to those who don’t understand my humor.  I’m glad to say that my “sharp tongue” is under control most of the time! 😉

Sarcasm – Is it good or bad?

The answer is – it depends.

I have tough conversations with clients in my audience who tell me not to attempt to change the sarcastic culture on their team.  Interviewing team members is how I personalize each training.  I share the patterns that interviewees share with me during the workshop.  The facts are obvious about sarcasm.  Some people feel bullied because having a “sharpened tongue” is not part of their personality.

We all react to sarcasm differently

sarcasmThis is where it gets interesting.  The sarcastic team members say that everyone needs to lighten or toughen up and stop being so sensitive.  I actually agree with part of their sentiment.  Everyone thinks that they know the culture of their team or department without taking into consideration that the silent ones wish others would not communicate so brutally.

The definition of sarcasm

Webster defines sarcasm as “A cutting remark intended to wound.  An act of bitterness and a biting quality.”  Ouch!
There are times when the discussion in the training session goes really well and team members understand what their colleagues told me during the interviews.  There are times when this does not happen and bullying continues.  Certain people are set in their ways and refuse to look at the whole picture.

Let’s get real

Are you sarcastic?  If so, do you know that there are times when this kind of communication could be seen as bullying?  Are you sensitive to sarcasm?  If so, could you realize that the remarks have little to do with you and only the way this person communicates?  Awareness is the key.  I take the elephant out of the room when I see someone not reacting well to my humor by admitting that the comment was sarcastic and it has nothing to do with the listener.  This usually works.

I want to hear from you

  • Are you on a team where sarcasm is the norm?
  • Do you think that sarcasm is accepted by the team?
  • Are there team members who get picked on and no one does anything about this?
  • What can you bring up at meetings if sarcasm is getting in the way of your team’s communication?

Please respond on the comment section of the blog.  Feel free to send me a private email HERE.

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Have a great week.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

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Exclusive Communication Skills at Work™ #4-Use Certain Words to Help You Be Direct with Respect®

 

https://youtu.be/tHh36NP93w0

Hi there and thanks for joining me again to read my latest blog post!

As you may know, I created a premier program called Communication Skills at Work™ that is designed for anyone on the corporate ladder for career advancement or resolving conflict in their workplace.

Below you will find links to the last three blogs, I shared about powerful content clients will learn from Communication Skills at Work:

Week One:  The Importance of Be Direct with Respect® in the Work Place

Week Two: Use Constructive Feedback to Get Necessary Results

Week Three:  Protecting Yourself when Others Push Your Hot Buttons.

This week I’ll preview the fourth chapter of the program: Use Certain Words to Help You Be Direct with Respect®.

In addition to the program manual and self-study guide, I offer full phone coaching depending on your budget and time frame. Read here for all the details.

Now, let’s dive in and talk about why it’s so important to Use Certain words to Help You Be Direct with Respect®.

Learner Objectives for Week Four

  • How to ask for what you need, build self-esteem, and Analyze childhood messagesCommunication Skills at Work
  • How to change a negative self-image to use Be Direct with Respect
  • Questions to ask to Be Direct with Respect
  • Build trust to use Be Direct with Respect

My favorite quote about communication is one from Martin Luther King Jr.
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

The following guidelines will help you strengthen your communication:

  • Remove but and replace it with and.
  • Use I statements as often as possible and forget about using YOU statements.  I promise not to turn you into a narcissist using this strategy!  Using the word you tends to make the other person defensive.
  • Don’t get sidetracked. Here is an example showing you why Be Direct with Respect is so powerful:

     The Aggressive Approach:
“You embarrassed me in front of our department when you told them about my speeding ticket.”

     The Be Direct with Respect Approach:
“I was embarrassed when the group heard about my speeding ticket because I told you that in confidence.”

Be Direct with Respect helps participants feel more confident because the technique is easy to learn and the results are long-lasting.  People use this strategy to build trust and earn respect from anyone on the corporate ladder.

Week Four consists of several activities to help you discover your communication strengths and areas of improvement.

Week Four ends with a Final Project that we plan together

Communication Skills at Work

This is where we take all of the skills learned in the course and put them into practice.  We explore a tough situation that needs to be resolved and design a realistic course of action.

Participants who take the course use their own case scenarios and we practice together until they feel confident to use this valuable strategy on their own.  I am here 24/7 via email.  This coach is dedicated to each client’s success! 😊

Thanks again for taking the time to read my blog. I love receiving questions and comments, so please feel free to contact me or leave a comment!

Until next time,
Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

And again, if Communication Skills at Work sounds like something that could help you or your company, check out this link for more information or contact me here.

I look forward to assisting you in your Communication Skills at Work learning experience and watching how you grow your new skills to create the positive changes in your life you deserve!

Reducing conflict is like riding a bike:  Shift gears to successfully navigate life’s potholes, ruts, and obstacles.

 

 

 

 

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Exclusive Communication Skills at Work #2-Use Constructive Feedback to Get Necessary Results

™™

https://youtu.be/cS7tjP3kS70

Hi there and thanks for joining me to read my latest blog post about Communication Skills at Work™!

Last time, I shared some of the powerful ideas from Week One:  “The Importance of Be Direct with Respect® in the Work Place.”  As you hopefully know, I have created a premier program called Communication Skills at Work that is designed for anyone on the corporate ladder and addresses issues as peer bullying, standing up to upper management, career advancement and conflict resolution.

This week I’ll give you a preview of the second chapter of the program: Use Constructive Feedback to Get Necessary Results.

In addition to the program manual and self-study guide, I offer full phone coaching depending on your budget and time frame. Read more here for all the details.

Now, let’s dive in and talk about why it’s so important to Use Constructive Feedback to Get Necessary Results and how it can help you move ahead.

Learner Objectives to Use Feedback for Necessary Results

  • Learn to comfortably provide constructive feedback to peers or to those you manageCommunication Skills at Work
  • Thoughtfully accept constructive feedback and suspend defensive reaction even when it’s not delivered in the way you would prefer to receive it
  • Speak up when an issue is important to you
  • Take responsibility for your own behavior

Constructive Feedback Consists of the Following:

  • Is stated in specific terms instead of vague, general ones
  • Is directed at behavior – rather than personalities
  • Is an observation of events, rather than labels or emotional judgment
  • Focuses on a coaching style instead of put-downs

Here’s an example to help you understand the language of constructive feedback:
“What specifically did I do that made you feel picked on?  Let’s talk about how this happened and look at ways to deal with it.”

What to Do When Others Get Defensive?

It doesn’t help to tell others not to be defensive, but rather accept people’s defensiveness.
And after hearing the defensive communication, bring the discussion back to the issue.  For example:

Sue: “When will the project I gave you be finished?”
Ed: “I’ve been too busy to get it done when I said I would.”
Sue: “I realize you’ve been busy.  I need to have that project completed by Tuesday.  What help do you need to make that deadline?”

The Power Talk Formula – Be Direct with Respect®

Be Direct with Respect is a learned skill, a willingness to risk rejection by communicating directly, yet gently.  It deepens relationships and resolves issues.  Clients adhere to this particular strategy immediately because it’s easy to use and they get excellent results – especially during tough conversations.

The power talk formula is:

I am ____________________________________ (your emotional response)Communication Skills at Work
When I _________________________________(non-judgmental)
Because________________________________(how it affects you)

For example: “I am frustrated when I call and no one gets back to me because my department is counting on me to finish this project on time.”

People who take the course use their own case scenarios and we practice together until they feel confident to use this valuable strategy on their own.  I am here 24/7 via email.  This coach is dedicated to each client’s success! 😊

Thanks again for taking the time to read my blog. I love receiving questions and comments, so please don’t hesitate to contact me or leave a comment!

And again, if Communication Skills at Work sounds like something that could help you or your company, check out this link for more information or contact me here.

Until next time,
Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Reducing conflict is like riding a bike:  Shift gears to successfully navigate life’s potholes, ruts, and obstacles.

 

 

 

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A Communication Strategy That Really Worked with My Family

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCOH-8Z-fs8

Would you like to learn a communication strategy to use the next time you initiate a family dinner or business meeting?

Have you ever attended a family gathering or business meeting and it seemed like the stars were lined up – where everyone spoke and had a chance to share his or her thoughts?  If so, did you ever analyze why it was such a successful time for you and others?  This article is about one of those perfect family dinners.

My story starts during an evening where everyone got along and the communication flowed as if was a well-directed play.   A cousin of mine was in town visiting his mother.  He and I enjoy lunch or coffee each time he visits her.  This time he expressed an interest in getting to know my grown children and their kids.  I invited my family to come to dinner.  They all accepted the invitation because they knew that I’m a huge fan of this cousin.

Here’s the hard part of my story.  I decided to sit back and not speak as much as I usually do because this night was about the family getting to know each other.  It was not about me interjecting my own opinion about our family history.  Remember I told you that keeping silent is a tough behavior of mine!  The good news is I’m glad that I observed the magic happening right before my eyes.

The communication strategies below can help you the next time you initiate a family gathering or business meeting.

communication strategyCommunication Strategy #1:  It helps if everyone is motivated to attend

Of course, this is tough for meetings at work but, it can be done when leaders create a positive environment for everyone.  Food and a focused agenda help.  You can invite colleagues and direct reports who you feel have the right attitude to attend the meeting.

I don’t know about you, some of our family gatherings aren’t picture perfect.  The timing may not be right or family members were tired.  Well, this time everyone was eager to be there.  It worked because my cousin reached out and my kids were thrilled that he wanted to get to know them better.

Communication Strategy #2:  Leaders need to sit back at times and let the conversation flow

Leaders usually start the conversation, ask questions, and follow his or her agenda.  The magic happens when leaders don’t give their opinion but, observe and listen to others.  People are open when they want to be there and when they feel valued.  The quiet ones feel more comfortable and contribute when they see the leader relaxed and not micromanaging the meeting.

Of course, I wanted to interject a story here or there and I chose not to.  Instead, I let the family make their own conversation.  Again, this was not easy but so enjoyable to watch.

Communication StrategyCommunication Strategy #3:  Ask questions about others that show you are interested in them

This communication strategy is so basic yet is one of my secrets to success.  My grandkids always hear me express how important it is for them to ask questions to others.  Making other people feel important is something  I find missing from many communications.  I know you know what I mean.  It’s usually all about the speaker – a one-sided conversation.

Back to my story:  Each person asked questions about the other person during the entire dinner.  The result was that everyone felt appreciated. The laughter and positive atmosphere were apparent and I was smiling internally during the entire evening.

Now for some reality

The communication strategy is simple yet so hard to do when there’s a narcissist or bullies at the event.  You know I had to bring these two characters up since they seem to follow me and my loyal readers around. 🙂    It’s still possible to use the communication strategy.

Just remember to concentrate on the people who you want to speak with during the event.  You read this correctly.  Ignore the bully or narcissist.  They will either get the idea and move to another target or try to sabotage your communication. At least you tried to stop the bully from taking over.

You need to remain in control.  Don’t let these negative behaviors stop you from enjoying others.   Remember, “You get what you tolerate!”  Tell yourself that you are in control and that you’re not going to let the “negativos” ruin your time.  Believe me when I tell you this is very hard to do.  It’s also possible because I’ve worked on this behavior many times in my own life.  My clients thank me for supporting them to gain control with these toxic people.

I want to hear from you!

Send me your questions or comments on what is and what isn’t working with your family or business gatherings.

This is Joyce Weiss, Communications Strategist and Coach
I provide personalized coaching and Premier Programs for individuals and groups.

Learn how Joyce Weiss can leverage her 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address and discover communication strategies HERE

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

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5 Words to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Reducing conflict in the workplace is the most requested program from my clients.  For those of you who have attended one of these powerful sessions, you may remember a phrase that I shared with you:  You Get What You Tolerate.  I always ask my audience to express what the phrase means to them.  The discussion is usually about how we allow others to be disrespectful (bullies) or how we don’t confront poor behavior in meetings or in the workplace.  That is if we don’t address the conflict directly and respectfully. 

Hopefully, the 2 case scenarios below will address some of your concerns.

Conflict in the Workplace Scenario #1:   
Dealing with a sarcastic person

You are speaking with your team and Sarcastic Sam constantly uses his negative words to discount a creative conversation.  Remember, You Get what You Tolerate if you don’t have the tough conversation with Sam.  Sam, says, “Here we go again, you know that these meetings are always a waste of time and nothing ever changes around here.”  This is the time when you can say, “Nothing ever changes around here?”  Repeating his sarcastic accusation may show Sam that his words are not accurate.  Other team members may add to the conversation by reminding Sam about all of the changes. 

Conflict in the Workplace Scenario #2: 
Dealing with a rude person while listening to a presenter

You are in the audience listening to an interesting speaker and the person next to you continuously whispers to you that he is bored out of his mind.  Remember, You Get What You Tolerate!  You can keep silent and resent the interruption or you can say, “I don’t want to miss anything that the speaker is saying.  I do want to hear his interesting message.”  All you did was ask him to shut his mouth without being rude to him.  I don’t want/I do want is worth practicing since it is a great way to start the conversation.

More Thoughts from Joyce to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

It’s always a risk when we have tough conversations.  That’s why I share my strategies in our communication toolbox. Repeat Sarcastic Sam’s exaggerations the next time he tries to bring the team down.  This one tool is easy to use and may give you great results.

Another one of my favorite communication strategies is to make conversations safe by using  I don’t want/I do want.  Click Here to watch a video of mine on How to Improve Communication with Negative People from 2010.  The information is current even though the quality of the video is not! 🙂  Hey, we all strive to get better!  

The expression You Get What You Tolerate reminds my clients to respectfully have these tough conversations.  It’s time to say these 5 little words when you are with a rude person or an interrupter. 

I want to hear from you!
CLICK HERE to send me your questions about how to deal with the Sarcastic Sams at your workplace.  What has your experience with them? 

Do You Want to See How Your Communication Impacts Your Success at Work?
CLICK HERE to take the easy and fun Communicate with Impact Quiz. You will get your results immediately and learn more about setting boundaries to be more effective at work and in your life. Sound good?
Here’s the LINK

CLICK HERE to learn how Joyce can help your company eliminate destructive conflict in the workplace

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist and Coach

You can start tackling tough conversations with bullies, different generations, and even narcissists once you learn the powerful strategies. I will do whatever it takes to help you improve your quality of life.

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, and online professional growth coaching.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

PS  Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Conflict in the Workplace Knowledge Page https://www.joyceweiss.com/resources/knowledge-base/conflict-resolution-in-the-workplace/

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831