Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Think Like Buddha: 1 Easy Lesson to Use Now

Buddah's Quote

Buddha’s quote is one of my favorites when working with growth-minded people.

We all have a  choice on what thoughts we put into our minds.  

At times they are positive and nothing will stop us from reaching our goals.
Then there are those negative thoughts that seep into our minds about anger, negativity, insecurity, or doubt.

Buddha’s quote is perfect for anyone who needs a friendly reminder – we can stop ourselves from feeding ourselves such toxic thoughts.

A couple of years ago I knew that one of my TRIGGERS (let’s call her MS. TRIGGER) was attending the same social event.  My past behavior was to prepare myself so that her sarcastic and toxic tone wouldn’t affect me. This time I did an experiment and decided no matter what this person said to either me or the other guests, I wouldn’t open my mouth.  
I don’t always have to take on the conflict.  

Buddha’s quote was my friendly reminder. I would do my best to control myself when MS. TRIGGER opened her mouth.

Sure enough, MS. TRIGGER didn’t stop talking all night.  There was a “one-versation.” 
Normally I would put on my conflict resolution coach hat and try to change the conversation to include others in the dialogue.

Not this time.  It was amazing to watch the other guests look uncomfortable because MS. TRIGGER didn’t take a breath all evening.  She interrupted everyone and was rude to anyone who tried to add his or her opinion.

1 Easy Lesson I Learned and Used From Buddha’s Quote

The moment I entered my car, a friend called me and didn’t stop complaining about MS. TRIGGER.  
The great news is that I wasn’t upset because I told myself,   “NOT TO GET INVOLVED.”  

It’s that simple, dear readers.  

My friend couldn’t sleep that night because she was so riled up about MS. TRIGGER.
I had a great night’s sleep because of this successful experiment.
All I had to do was keep silent.

I know those of you who have been following me know that I encourage clients to speak their voice. 
There are times when it’s better to stay silent especially if you don’t want to create more inner stress for yourself.

How Does Buddha’s Quote Speak to You?

Have you experienced a time like this when you attempted to control a conversation and it went sour?
Hopefully, you learned an important lesson – not to get involved in every little drama that appears in our life.

Please share how Buddha’s quote speaks to you in the comment section.
When did you decide to stay silent with an irritating person?  How did this work out? 

The next time you know that a Trigger will be at the same meeting or social gathering, what message can you feed yourself?

This stuff works.  I only share real scenarios with you that clients have experienced.
This time, I added my story as a coaching moment for you. 🙂

Let’s Stay Connected

Please share your thoughts about this week’s post. How does it resonate with you?
You can share in the comment section or send me a private email HERE.

Until Next Time,
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP

Conflict Resolution Coach
Queen of Conflict Resolution

P.S. Please share this post on your social media so other growth-minded people can control their inner stress.

PPS.  We are updating our blog and can’t wait to share Kick Conflict to the Curb: Stomp Out Your Stress with you soon. 

 

 

 

 

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5 More Action Steps to Kick Conflict to the Curb

Hello, Dear Kick Conflict to the Curb Readers!

Are you ready for 5 more action steps to Kick Conflict to the Curb?

I hope that you’re using the strategies that you have been learning from these posts and videos and reducing your stress and drama at work and home!
If you have questions or need more details on any of the content, please reach out and send me an email:  HERE.  

This article is Part 2 in the series: 20 Action Steps to Kick Conflict to the Curb.
Here’s a link from Part 1 where you’ll find the first 5 strategies

The action steps come from creating content for my virtual class and coaching clients.  If you want more information on any of the action steps, do a search in the search bar on this site: JoyceWeiss.com.

Action Steps #6
Set up a Mentor Program Where All Generations Help Each Other Using Their Unique Talents, Skills, and Perspectives.

More seasoned employees can share their experience and the lessons learned from past mistakes.  Younger employees can support more experienced employees on how to look at situations through a different pair of eyes.  We can and do all grow professionally from each other if we only look at this as a great opportunity to learn from each other’s skills, talents, and experiences.

How does your company use the talents and skills of the team to get even better?

Action Steps #7
Encourage Gen Y and Gen X to Share Ideas Since They Bring a Fresh Perspective to the Team. action plans | communication strategies

This is a great time to stop blaming our generational differences and actually listen to all perspectives.

Younger employees can show others how to use new technical resources.
More experienced employees need to be open and stop saying negative things about “the younger generations.”  Just saying!

Action Steps #8
Ask All Generations to Help Each Other with Face-to-Face Communication and Social Networking Skills.

I see different factions in the workplace that complain about slowness, multi-tasking, being on tablets too much, or not having a work ethic.

Leaders who know how to make sure that everyone feels heard will see such great engagement and loyalty!  This stuff works.

Action Steps #9
Ask Your Team What Opportunities Will Open Up When Everyone is Accountable to Each Other.

A great exercise is to bring several departments together and discuss what each person needs from others to improve productivity, efficiency, morale, and communications.
A rule must be that it’s a FREE judgment zone.  Anyone can say anything as long as it’s with respect and not about being right – just expressing their thoughts.

Action Steps #10
Start a Discussion with Your Colleagues About What You and They’re Doing to Commit Fully to Their Job for an Interesting Discussion.

I find that when clients’ expectations are not clear, employees feel more stress and less confidence doing a good job. Everyone needs to know what his or her functions are in the job.
You may be thinking, “Joyce, this is common sense.  Of course, leaders need to be clear.”  Well, according to my clients, they’ve left jobs for this one reason.  They were tired of all the confusion and finger-pointing.

This one action step will make a huge difference for you if expectations are not clear.

Let’s Stay Connected!

What are some of your strategies with these action steps? Which one speaks to you?

  • What kind of mentorship do you offer?
  • How does your company make sure that all generations are respected and heard?
  • How does leadership make expectations clear for you?

Those of you who share either in the comment section below or send me an email HERE will receive a new video (that I have not posted yet) about using props to engage your virtual meetings. It’s short and contains tips to liven up your virtual meetings.

Continue being engaged as a Kick Conflict to the Curb Weekly Update member and start sharing your thoughts about the videos or articles.
Hey, Dear Readers, I’m here for you when you have questions about your own communication or relationship “challenges.”

Feel free to send me an email. Full disclosure here:
I don’t charge anything when people send me questions or comments via email. Staying connected is what it’s all about for me.

Have a Great Week!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP
Master Coach
Queen of Conflict Resolution

P.S. Career Advancement is like riding a bike: Shift Gears from coasting to owning the road!

P.P.S. Here’s the link for Part 1 in the series with the first 5 action steps.

 

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Let’s Talk About YOUR Biggest Communication Challenge

  • What is your biggest communication challenge?
  • Would you like to figure out how to change this to make your life a bit easier?

If so, please don’t move! 🙂

Coaching clients share their communication challenges with me. Not feeling heard seems to be the winner with many of their responses.
The second communication challenge is when others interrupt them.

This article will give you a couple of responses to use when others can’t help themselves from interrupting you or taking over the conversation.
Let’s get started!

Communication Challenge Strategy #1: Think of a Clever Response Communication Challenges

I’ve used the same words as the poster when I’m with friends or colleagues. I actually say, “Excuse me for talking while you are interrupting.” I usually get a smile or an apology. This is a good thing.

I don’t suggest that you use this idea with your boss or someone really serious.

Communication Challenge Strategy #2:  Take a Breath Before You Open up Your  Mouth

You will not hear me ask you or anyone to stay silent – unless you are staying silent for a reason and not just letting others roll over you! If you know me, this is not an option!  I have said the following to the interrupter – without anger or frustration: “I want to hear what you have to say after I finish my thought.” This usually gets a great response from the other person.

There will be times when the interrupter gets mad or frustrated with you for saying these statements. I don’t care. Why is it ok for bullies or others to feel their rude behavior is ok and they get angry with you for speaking your truth? Stick with this idea. The more you use it, the easier it will be for you to have a decent conversation with this person.

Let’s Stay Connected

What is your worse communication challenge?

  • People interrupting you?
  • Sarcasm?
  • Others talking over you?
  • Please add your pet peeve in the comment section.

You can reach out to me anytime to ask a question or share your communication concerns.
Send your email HERE

Until next time,
Joyce Weiss, Master Coach
Queen of Conflict Resolution

PS Please share any of the Kick Conflict to the Curb Weekly Updates with those who can benefit from the messages. You have my permission to share it on any of your social media platforms as long as you give me credit for the content.

PPS Visit KickConflictToTheCurb.com for your FREE communication assessment. You will see how your communication impacts your success at work. 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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Even More Coaching Strategies to Improve Your Communication – Part 3

Thanks for the feedback about enjoying parts 1 and 2 of the series “Coaching Strategies to Improve your Communication – Big Time!”

I received this great information from Michael Bungay Stanier who is part of the World of Business and Executive Coaching Summit.  I share the best information from the Summit with you because if I find it fascinating, I sure hope you do too. 🙂

Week 1 is about the Tell It Communicator.  Week 2 describes the Save IT Communicator.  The links to both of the articles are below:

Week 1: The Tell It Communicator Article
Week 2: The Save It Communicator Article

Coaching Strategies #1:  Description of Control It Communicators

Control It Communicators maintain their control 100% of the time.  Tell It Communicators give solutions and are all-knowing. They don’t maintain control as much as the Control It Communicators.
My class – Kick Conflict to the Curb enjoyed an energetic discussion on the difference in all 3 communicators. They had to decide which style was most like them. Last week I revealed that I’m more of a Save It Communicator and rescue family and friends from getting hurt. I now know that they don’t need or appreciate rescuing! Who knew? I thought it was a good thing. Each person has at least one style and could use all 3 at different times. We went deep during the class and discovered that every participant learned that their style had both prizes and punishments.

Coaching Strategies #2:  Punishments of being a Control It Communicatorcoaching strategies

  • You won’t get to the real issues because there is no discussion
  • Bottlenecks are formed due to a lack of open communication, trust, and creativity
  • People who are controlled end up closing down and resentment appears

Coaching Strategies #3:  Prizes of being a Control It Communicator

  • Control It Communicators think that their power will make others feel safe
  • Time is saved because there is not a discussion – not really a prize. 🙁
  • Control It Communicators feel strong and efficient

So Joyce, What Do You Think About Tell It, Save It, and Control It Communicators?

I highly recommend Michael Bungay Stanier’s book, Taming The Advice Monster. It’s a great read. The information from this article came from Michael’s lecture at the Coaching Summit.
At times in our life, we can be all 3 communicators.  We usually use one communication style more than others.

Here’s a great exercise that you can use with your family, work team, or friends – that is if they are open to these kinds of discussions.  First, describe all 3 communication styles.

  • Have everyone decide what kind of communication style they use
  • Ask them to write down what communication style they think the other members use
  • This is the moment when you need to act like a coach
  • Let them know that this discussion needs to be positive without blaming and judgment
  • Hopefully, the discussion will be light-hearted
  • Start discussing the prizes and punishments for all 3 styles.  You will find details in the 3 articles and the 2 links at the end of this article
  • Next comes the best part. Everyone shares how they can change their style and what awareness they learned about themselves

You can always ask me to help you with this exercise during an online customized training for you and your team.  We will have an engaging experience and you will get long-lasting results.  Sound good? Call me at 800.713.1926 or send me an email HERE.

Let’s Stay Connected

Please share which communication style you “own!”

  • What did you learn about yourself?
  • How will you use this information to grow professionally?
  • How do you think this style has held you back?

Send me an email HERE if you have a communication issue that you want to resolve.  You are not imposing if you send me information or ask questions. I love connecting with all of you.

Here are the 2 links to the previous articles;
Week 1: The Tell It Communicator Article
Week 2: The Save It Communicator Article

Hope You Have a Great Week!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Master Coach and Communication Strategist

Remember, You Get What YOU Tolerate!

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Are You Ready to Implement Two of my Favorite Conflict Resolution Skills?

  • Are you ready to learn and implement 2 of my favorite communication tools?
  • Do you want to hear inside coaching secrets on how clients have improved their success at work after using these powerful conflict resolution skills?

If you saw my blog post last week, you read all about the September 15, 2020 launch of my online class – Kick Conflict to the Curb.  This week you will experience 2 of my favorite conflict resolution skills and tools.  It includes 2 videos on how to use Verbal Aikido and Be Direct with Respect®.  Please let me know how I can help you decide if the class is right for you or your direct reports.

Conflict Resolution Skills #1:  Verbal Aikido

https://vimeo.com/450928167

Verbal Aikido is a conflict resolution skill that helps you gain control when someone pushes your hot buttons. The person who pulls back when he or she is pushed is the stronger one in the conversation.  Here’s an incident that happened to me during a conflict resolution program with first responders.  I was speaking about verbal aikido when an angry participant stood up and said, “Joyce, you seem like a nice lady, but this will not work on the streets.”  I said to myself, “Joyce, you teach this stuff, use verbal aikido!” I said, “You’re right, this strategy won’t work on the streets.  It will work in your office with your colleagues and direct reports.”  The participant relaxed and smiled and said, “Joyce YOU are right.  Thanks for setting me straight.”

You’re right are words that diffuse the hostile person.  We don’t need to agree with someone if they are NOT right.  If they are correct, try doing this next time and you will see the other person stop pushing back.  Hey, I know this stuff works, because I only coach skills that I’ve tried in my own life! 🙂  Check out verbal aikido in the search bar to the right to find more articles and videos on this important conflict resolution skill.

Conflict Resolution Skills #2:  Be Direct with Respect®

https://vimeo.com/450985159

Be Direct with Respect® is my secret sauce.  Clients have been using this trademark of mine for over 30 years!  It’s powerful and easy to use.  This is the formula:
I am_____________________________________(your emotional response)
When____________________________________(non-judgmental)
Because__________________________________(how it affects you)

The story below gives you a perfect example that one of my clients used with her boss after he ridiculed her in front of her direct reports.  After practicing this tool during the online course – Kick Conflict to the Curb she felt comfortable with her new skill.  She was ready to speak to her boss.  “Ron, I was embarrassed when I was ridiculed in front of my direct reports because it discounted my leadership role.  I appreciate constructive feedback because that’s how I’ve grown professionally.  I would appreciate it if you speak to me privately in the future.”  Ron was impressed with her direct and respectful communication.

Let’s Stay Connected

Please let me know your questions about Kick Conflict to the Curb to see if the class is right for you or your direct reports.  The cool thing is that we can create your private course with your team – just think, less stress, drama, and MORE peace! Send me a private email on what stress or conflict issues you are experiencing and how I can help you learn and implement powerful conflict resolution skills.

Until next week,

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Queen
Communication Strategist and Master Coach

Remember, You Get What YOU Tolerate!

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831