Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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What’s FEAR Got to Do With It?

Did I get your attention? mean lady with curly hair on top of head screaming

I sure hope so!  Fear is really False Evidence Appearing Real.  The definition of FEAR is “A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence of danger.”  I am writing about FEAR this week because the topic came up during my recent Communicate with Impact Trainings.  Several participants stated that the concepts that they were practicing in the class made sense to them BUT they feared using them at work.  Others in the class argued that NOT using the skills would set them back career wise.  I’m sure you can guess what I shared after this energetic debate.

Reasons Why People Fear Using Be Direct with Respect®

  • Making things worse
  • Not saying the right thing
  • Fear of getting fired
  • Not being taken seriously
  • Nothing changes

Click Here to read my short article Go From Fear to In Gear to learn action steps to use when dealing with a challenge.

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This Will Give You Control of Narcissists in Your Life

Copy (2) of photos from juicer 029Last week I wrote an article on “What Happens When You Work With a Narcissist?”  Click Here if you did not read it or want to review the ideas.  A few of you sent me private emails with questions on how to handle this personality disorder.  This post gives you strategies.  I can’t guarantee that they will work.  That’s right, you read this correctly.  Narcissists range from selfish to borderline disorders.  At times I have been very frustrated with narcissists in my own life.  I did research on this subject and am happy to report that I know how to handle myself MOST of the time.  Are you ready to find out? 

Coping Guidelines

Recognize when you are with someone who repeatedly evokes shame, anger, and idealizes others. You can then figure out your next step

  • Try not to personalize since they act the same with others
  • Detach yourself while functioning either at work/home to have peace of mind
  • Think of the narcissist as a 2 year old on the inside
  • Resist retaliation, confrontation, or open communication because they will show rage and feel assaulted
  • You won’t change the narcissist since they don’t have compassion for others
  • Plan ahead on how to set boundaries since they excel at the control game
  • Find others who can support you
  • Be prepared for changes in the relationship if you decide to speak with them
  • They will distance themselves from you and find others to control
  • Limit your involvement with them if possible
  • Document abuses and excuses for your own record to protect yourself since narcissists don’t recognize their boundary issues
  • Set your own priorities without being manipulated and stop adapting to them
  • Awareness will not change the reality but it changes your perspective
  • Don’t feel guilty for taking care of your health

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What Happens When You Work with a Narcissist?

Do you experience some of the situations at work or home when the same person…conflict girl pointing finger

  • Always has drama in his or her life?
  • Constantly criticizes others and never accepts responsibility?
  • Shows anger if he or she doesn’t get his or her way…just like a 2 year old child?
  • Takes up your time only with their issues and impedes your boundaries?

If so you may be working or living with a narcissist. This person is a tough one to work with and is always a challenge for participants in my Resolving Conflict in the Workplace Trainings. My clients have tried to deal with the selfish and critical team player with no success. I tell them that this disorder is one that some people NEVER are able to figure out and resolve issues. It is worth the effort to look for options in order to make your life easier. 🙂

Description of the Narcissist Personality Disorder

You will learn the characteristics in this blog post. Next week you will discover how to deal with them.

Most narcissists don’t exhibit all of the characteristics described in this article. 1 in 100 exhibit all these descriptions according to the American Psychiatric Association. Recognize when you are with someone who repeatedly evokes shame, anger, or idealizes others. You can then figure out your next step to protect yourself. Try NOT to personalize since they treat others the same way!

  1. Narcissist injury or intense sensitivity to shame
    They don’t experience shame and things are never their fault. They feel assaulted and will show rage and blame others. Please do your best to resist confrontation until you read next weeks suggestions.
  2. Devaluation of others
    Their charm draws others into their web until they drop their victim abruptly. They repair themselves by criticizing others.
  3. Envy
    They never admit that they are envious of others and feel self righteous and contempt with their colleagues or relatives. They are actually VERY insecure.
  4. Entitlement
    Their feelings and needs are all that matters. There’s no room for negotiation or reciprocity. They feel rage if they don’t get their way…just like a 2 year old.
  5. Violation of your boundaries…detach yourself
    They don’t know when they are being too personal or invasive since everything evolves around their schedules or interests. Start documenting their excuses and abuses to protect yourself since they don’t recognize that they have boundary issues. Awareness will not change the reality but it changes YOUR perspective.

Click Here to share your experiences about this challenging behavior. What kind of personality do these people have and what challenges do you find when dealing with them?

Joyce Recommends a Very Helpful Book on Narcissists

If I have peaked your interest and want to learn more information, I suggest that you read Why is Everything Always About You? Sandy Hotchkiss does an excellent job giving suggestions on how to cope with this tough individual. Look for more information next week giving you concrete suggestions on dealing with a narcissist who you may work with or live with at home.

Click Here if YOU want to read an article on Powerful Tips to Get Rid of Drainers!

I want to hear from you!

Click Here to send me your questions or concerns. I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own conflict in the workplace “issues.”

Want to share or use this Article in Your Newsletter or on Your Website?

Of course! You are welcome to print this, and any other articles we send, if you use the following byline:
A recognized expert on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is an author, accountability coach, and a Certified Speaking Professional. To book Joyce to speak at your event or company call: 800.713.1926 or email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com
Visit her website at ConflictInTheWorkplace.com to sign up for your own FREE video series and Communicate with Impact Weekly to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace.

Please Click Here to Leave a Comment or Question

Please send me any comments that you may have about this article. Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts to reduce conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life. Let them know about the “Communicate with Impact Weekly” so they can sign up for their own weekly articles.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Business Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
How do I do this?
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations with bullies and negative people to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance…
The Result? My clients resolve their conflict and they get a better night’s sleep!

Feel free to call me concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, on line professional growth coaching, and keynote speeches.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

Click Here if YOU want to read an article on Powerful Tips to Get Rid of Drainers!

 

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What Happens When Someone is Negative Towards You?

Has this ever happened to you? conflict business man being blamed

A person comes up to you and says, “What’s up with that outfit?” or “Why are you always so quiet?  or “Why are you always so talkative?” I’m sure that some of you are saying, “Joyce, of course that has happened to me!” My question to you is…What have you said or done when people express these statements to you?

Do you…
Suffer in silence?
Give a sarcastic remark?
Become defensive?

I need to make myself clear. I have stayed silent, gave sarcastic remarks, and became defensive. That’s right my loyal readers, even the Be Direct with Respect® Queen gets caught off guard at times. I was in shock when people said things like this to me. I didn’t know how to respond. It was like being with the mean girl or boy in high school!

Watch a short video below at a recent training on The Power Talk Formula.

So Joyce, How can I handle this?
The first thing to do is to step back for a brief moment (The Gap) and think about what you want to say.
This brief time helps you gain control especially if you were NOT expecting such a comment. Do you want to put the other person down (not recommended) or respond in a respectful way? (Recommended)

Here are 5 options to put in your communication tool box.
1. “What do you mean?” This takes the ball from you and puts it back in their bully hands.

2. “This outfit?” You are in control and gain strength by not defending yourself and becoming defensive.

3. “Always silent?” or “Always talkative?” This usually shows the other person that he or she is exaggerating.

4. Change subjects. That’s right. You read this correctly. I don’t need to have someone control a conversation if someone is mean. I actually have said, “So have you seen that latest movie on…?” I usually get a look from the sarcastic one. I don’t really care. I do want to move on and not get into a screaming match!

5.  The Be Direct with Respect® Response is the one that I use most of the times. “I am surprised when I heard this comment about my communication because I welcome constructive feedback and not sarcasm.”

I realize that some of you may think that these options are either too weak or too strong. We all deal with conflict in different ways. The most important idea is for you to think about how you want to react when and if someone “picks” on you. Do your best not to get defensive.

Let me know how you have gained control when someone was sarcastic to you. I will send you a booklet “19 Secrets for Successfully Navigating Life’s Potholes, Ruts and Obstacles.”

I want to hear from you!

Click Here to send me your questions or concerns. I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own conflict in the workplace “issues.”

Want to share or use this Article in Your Newsletter or on Your Website?

Of course! You are welcome to print this, and any other articles we send, if you use the following byline:
A recognized expert on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is an author, accountability coach, and a Certified Speaking Professional. To book Joyce to speak at your event or company call: 800.713.1926 or email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com
Visit her website at JoyceWeiss.com to sign up for your own FREE video series and Communicate with Impact Weekly to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace.

Please Click Here to Leave a Comment or Question

Please send me any comments that you may have about this article.  Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts to reduce conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life. Let them know about the “Communicate with Impact Weekly” so they can sign up for their own weekly articles.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Business Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
How do I do this?
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations with bullies and negative people to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance…
The Result? My clients resolve their conflict and they get a better night’s sleep!

Feel free to call me concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, on line professional growth coaching, and keynote speeches.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

PS Click Here to sign up for my Free Video Series on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831