Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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This 1 Idea Will Reduce Negative Behavior

conflict sign be nice or leaveI recently watched a hearing between the Secret Service Director and Congress. It was extremely heated and I knew that I was going to write about this interaction in a future article. Let me refresh your memory. A few agents drank alcohol at a retirement party. After leaving the party, they crashed their car into the white house. It was on international news for several days.

Congress asked important and tough questions to the Secret Service Director and he repeatedly skirted all issues. Congressmen and women actually said, “What are you going to do about it?” The Director said, “I first need to get all of the facts.” Several members of Congress said the same thing, “Why not fire the agents on the spot? You need to make the hard decisions.” The Director was very nervous and it almost sounded like he was covering up the “real story.”

The bottom line is that there was a huge communication breakdown in the Department. Supposedly the Director did not hear about this incident for a few days. I ask the question, why didn’t he hear about this sooner?

Reasons why there are communication breakdowns:

  • Fear of retribution
  • Covering-up for each other
  • Dysfunctional cultural barriers
  • The wrong fit for roles and job responsibilities
  • Not knowing who to go to for answers
  • Unclear expectations
  • Too much red tape

We still don’t know the facts about this embarrassing situation. There have been several mistakes in the last few years and it is obvious that leadership is weak. … [Continue reading]

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Why Successful People Believe in Mentoring

Here Are a Few Questions For You:

  • Have you used a mentor in your life? set up a mentor program 6
  • Have you mentored others?
  • Have you had a mentor to discuss how you would handle tough conversations?
  • Would you like to learn how to improve relationships at work?
  • Do you want to know strategies on how to reduce conflict in the workplace?

I will be addressing these questions in future articles.  One topic will be Whose responsibility is it to give constructive feedback, the mentee’s boss or the mentor?  I have heard this frustration expressed from many mentors.  Stay tuned for some interesting information.  Feel free to send me your experience either as a mentor or mentee. 

I am creating a new workshop on Top Level Mentoring Skills for a client of mine.  It has been fascinating interviewing people on how mentoring has helped them in their life.  AOL Time Warner Foundation wrote that 99% of individuals already in a formal mentoring relationship would recommend mentoring to others.

Reasons Why Mentoring is So Powerful

  • Receive unbiased opinions
  • Someone who helps others reach their goals
  • Someone to go to when challenges arise
  • The company retains experienced employees because their contributions are valued

… [Continue reading]

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Why You HAVE to Run Away From Negatoids

If you ever are in one of my training sessions you will probably hear me saying,  “Don’t walk away from negative people…Run!” 
Why? mean old lady

Negative people are…

  • toxic
  • boring
  • dangerous
  • energy drainers      

Is that enough already?

They wallow in their problems and don’t focus on solutions.  They want to suck us in and join their PITY PARTY so they feel better about themselves.  The interesting thing is that most people want to run away from them, but never think that they can.  It’s human nature to feel obligated to listen to complainers because we don’t want to be rude.  How about giving this a new spin…They are being rude and taking your valuable time while sucking all of your energy.  There is a fine line between listening to someone who is complaining and getting pulled into their toxic behavior. 

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any!

Joyce, How Can I Put a Different Spin on the Negativo?

You can avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and distancing yourself from them.  One of my clients gave me this brilliant idea.  If you are a non smoker and a person is smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the secondhand smoke?  Of course not.  You’d distance yourself.  You need to start doing the same with complainers.  Of course if you run away from a negative person and they continue to follow you, I strongly suggest that you have the honest and tough conversation by using Be Direct with Respect®. 

Click on this link to watch my short video to help you reduce conflict in the workplace and deal with these negatoids. 

I want to hear from you!  … [Continue reading]

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What’s FEAR Got to Do With It?

Did I get your attention? mean lady with curly hair on top of head screaming

I sure hope so!  Fear is really False Evidence Appearing Real.  The definition of FEAR is “A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence of danger.”  I am writing about FEAR this week because the topic came up during my recent Communicate with Impact Trainings.  Several participants stated that the concepts that they were practicing in the class made sense to them BUT they feared using them at work.  Others in the class argued that NOT using the skills would set them back career wise.  I’m sure you can guess what I shared after this energetic debate.

Reasons Why People Fear Using Be Direct with Respect®

  • Making things worse
  • Not saying the right thing
  • Fear of getting fired
  • Not being taken seriously
  • Nothing changes

Click Here to read my short article Go From Fear to In Gear to learn action steps to use when dealing with a challenge.

… [Continue reading]

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This Will Give You Control of Narcissists in Your Life

Copy (2) of photos from juicer 029Last week I wrote an article on “What Happens When You Work With a Narcissist?”  Click Here if you did not read it or want to review the ideas.  A few of you sent me private emails with questions on how to handle this personality disorder.  This post gives you strategies.  I can’t guarantee that they will work.  That’s right, you read this correctly.  Narcissists range from selfish to borderline disorders.  At times I have been very frustrated with narcissists in my own life.  I did research on this subject and am happy to report that I know how to handle myself MOST of the time.  Are you ready to find out? 

Coping Guidelines

Recognize when you are with someone who repeatedly evokes shame, anger, and idealizes others. You can then figure out your next step

  • Try not to personalize since they act the same with others
  • Detach yourself while functioning either at work/home to have peace of mind
  • Think of the narcissist as a 2 year old on the inside
  • Resist retaliation, confrontation, or open communication because they will show rage and feel assaulted
  • You won’t change the narcissist since they don’t have compassion for others
  • Plan ahead on how to set boundaries since they excel at the control game
  • Find others who can support you
  • Be prepared for changes in the relationship if you decide to speak with them
  • They will distance themselves from you and find others to control
  • Limit your involvement with them if possible
  • Document abuses and excuses for your own record to protect yourself since narcissists don’t recognize their boundary issues
  • Set your own priorities without being manipulated and stop adapting to them
  • Awareness will not change the reality but it changes your perspective
  • Don’t feel guilty for taking care of your health

… [Continue reading]

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831