relationships Archives - Page 2 of 4

January 8, 2014 By Joyce Weiss 1 Comment

Master the Art of Family and Team Functions

Have you ever dreaded going to work or to a family vacation?

Do you wonder if your co-workers or relatives will ever get along?

I had a very interesting family trip this winter break. My husband and I went on a family cruise with our children and grandchildren consisting of 6 adults and 3 teens. We are all strong personalities and are extremely independent. Our conversations are NEVER dull!

Mistakes other families made while on the cruise

I over-heard conversations from other families while I walked on the outside track. I realized that our family got it right…without even trying. One grandfather was complaining that his family didn’t ask to be excused at the dinner table. He was visibly upset while he was yelling at his son. Another family was frustrated because they never saw their children except at dinner. Others were judging each other for not going to the same social activities on the ship. I actually saw one family who looked bored and heard them complain that there was nothing to do. They were always together and were getting on each other’s nerves. How can I be so certain? I saw their relationships go down-hill daily on my walks.

Being the constant conflict resolution consultant, I decided to interview my family after we returned. I asked them why our experience worked out so well for ALL 9 of us. Yikes, not an easy thing to do.

Secrets to guarantee a successful family or team event:

We didn’t travel together for over 8 years and everyone wanted to go on this trip. The photo says it all. We really treasured our time together. We were there for the right reasons…to have fun, relax, and bond.

1. We all respected that everyone was going to do their own thing. Some sat at the pool, exercised, scuba dove, snorkeled, shopped, read and attended wine tasting events. We didn’t discuss any of this before the trip because we are all independent and vary in personalities and interests. Doing our own thing would not be an issue.

I strongly suggest that people set boundaries before any trip to make sure that the expectations are realistic. Realize that everyone wants to do different things. This way no one is compromising what they want to do.

2. We decided that dinner was the time when all 9 of us would eat together and share what we did during the day. This way no one could say that we didn’t make time for each other. We valued our time together and I wish I was a fly on the wall when the “bored families” met for dinner. The complaining must have been book material!

3. We all met new friends during the day and included their families with ours. Being inclusive added such a great dimension to the family dynamics. We enjoyed getting to know each other and we all benefited from expanding our interests. The families that I heard argue during my walks were exclusive from others. They started getting on each others’ nerves by not expanding their horizons. Of course you know your family and there may be times when you only want to stick together. I know that by meeting new friends, we all laughed more. The teens will be seeing each other after the cruise. The last night of the cruise was so powerful because we celebrated with our new friends before dinner.

4. There was a teen Xclub on the ship. This was a place where cousins and sisters and brothers could separate and expand their friendships. At times they hung out together by listening to music or watching TV which was so nice to see. Other times they were with their new friends. This is such a great lesson for all of us. There are so many choices on ships or in life and all we have to do is walk in the room and new opportunities will appear. First we have to open the door to the “teen Xclub!”

5. If a family member is negative or sarcastic make sure that you nip it in the bud. We had to do this only once. It was uncomfortable at first to have this tough conversation BUT it cleared the air. The family is still laughing at how we resolved our “issue” on the Big White Chairs. You know by now that I recommend having tough conversations. Resolving conflict removes stress, creates respect and usually gets great results.

Taking Joyce Weiss’ experience back to your workplace

You may not be going on a family trip in the near future but you can still use the ideas in this post at work.

1. Set realistic expectations by listening to the needs of your team and having them listen to you. This will save a lot of miscommunication! Stress is eliminated because everyone understands what needs will be met.

2. Discover what your team members want to do and how they could use their skills in the best way possible. It may be time to switch job functions to increase productivity. It is best for the company and employees to keep STAR employees from leaving by making sure that they are in the best position.

3. Create a time where everyone gets together to discuss what is going on in their day in order to create an engaged team and remove any glitches.

4. Expand the team’s creativity by including other divisions or departments to support each other better.

5. Nip any negativity or sarcasm in the bud. Ask yourself how much lost productivity exists by NOT dealing with tough issues.
Find ideas on the importance of respect in this article and video.

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Please send me any comments that you may have for this blog post. Place your comments in the comment box at the end of this post. Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Feel free to share this post. Just make sure and give credit to:
Joyce Weiss Training & Development LLC > www.JoyceWeiss.com

Please let others know about these blog posts on reducing conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help others have tough conversations so they get a better night’s sleep.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

P.S. Click here for my article and video on Respect in the Workplace

March 31, 2012 By Joyce Weiss 2 Comments

Do You Want to Hear a Podcast With Tips on How to Reduce Stress and Conflict in the Workplace?

My loyal readers have asked me to inform them when I’m interviewed on the radio especially on
the topic of reducing stress and conflict in the workplace.

I was honored to be a guest on the Catalyst Business Talk Radio Show.
I thank David Pace from Business Speakers Bureau for the introduction.

Do you want to hear my latest podcast on how to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace?
If you answered, “yes”, you’re at the right place.

Check out the entertaining and informative interview that Catalyst Business Talk Radio Show Public Radio produced on
Secrets to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace.

Click here for the podcast

Click Here For more great business podcasts from Catalyst Business Talk Radio Show

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Let us hear your thoughts after you listen to the interview.
Feel free to share this blog with others – just give Joyce credit when you share or publish.

Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss
and Remember…You Get What You Tolerate!

PS If you haven’t signed up for the Free Video Series on “Reducing Conflict in the Workplace”… you can do this right now
Click here to register for the Free Video Series

December 14, 2011 By Joyce Weiss Leave a Comment

Reduce Conflict in the Workplace: Take Control of Difficult Conversations

Enhance Your Communication, Enhance Your Career

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired.

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker in order to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of Verbal Aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

There’s no doubt that being able to communicate effectively is a major determinant to professional success. Hostile and emotional reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while counter responses restore harmony and balance.

So the next time you’re the recipient of a verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the other party is pulling you in a direction you don’t want the conversation to go, push forward.

Remember these five tips:

1. Protect yourself from others who try to infect you with their anger and hostility by being Direct with Respect®.

2. No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only force you to absorb the negative message.

3. You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting the comment and then deciding whether to push or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the statement.

4. When you give the other party nothing to push against, you gain control of the situation.

You are able to remain positive during the conversation, not defensive.

5. When all else fails, have the courage to walk away from someone who is verbally attacking you. Don’t be a willing participant in an uncontrollable negative situation.

The more proficient you become at Verbal Aikido, the more natural it will become – and the stronger all your verbal communications will be.

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If you want to go further into your own professional growth, check out the link for the on-demand
Communicate with Impact Course

“Joyce Weiss has a knack for getting to the point when it comes to communication. Her Communicate with Impact program has taken us to another level in our communication through out all ranks of our organization. This has allowed us to cut through our personal barriers to get to the real issues at hand.”

Nancy Wasczenski, Presidnet, Parda Federal Credit Union

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sigh up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time…Remember

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

December 11, 2011 By Joyce Weiss Leave a Comment

5 Team Building Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Will teamwork bring in more clients and keep the ones you’ve got? Yes!

People who work together may develop the dreaded “Who cares?” disease. Highly infectious, it slowly erodes all the good efforts that a few excellent workers produce.

However, it’s reversible if you take immediate action. Start with these 10 tips:

1. FIND OR CREATE A TEAM LEADER

Great teams don’t just happen. They are carefully and purposefully built by a team leader. Get someone to take charge – whether it’s the manager or anyone interested in group leadership.

2. DEVELOP GOOD COMMUNICATION

Now that the team leader is in place, call the team together. Focus on how individuals can improve skills and finances and help the company grow only possible by working together.

3. FIGURE OUT WHAT YOUR COMPANY NEEDS TO BE SUCCESSFUL

Every winning business starts out with a purposeful, short-term and long-range plan. Decide what the company goals are for the next day, week, month, and future.

4. ASSESS THE STRENGTHS, WEAKNESSES AND NEEDS OF THE TEAM

When you know who is good at what, it’ll be easy to assign tasks to team members in order to reach the goals. Assign accordingly!

5. AGREE ON TEAM RULES

Successful teams have written rules which they develop themselves. Start with these helpful ones: Tell a person when you don’t agree, don’t talk about people behind their backs, and never be late for trivial reasons. Your team will get the idea after a few examples.

If you want to find out how your team can improve it’s working condition, check out Joyce’s consulting services. Joyce can come to your workplace for a customized program. Visit the link below to find out how you can reduce
conflict in the workplace!
You will also hear a podcast to give you more ideas to use with your team.

“Our team was tremendously impacted by the Team Building Program that Joyce Weiss presented to our office. There were several people on our team who did everything possible to avoid one another. During the sessions Joyce helped everyone see how the negative energy between those two individuals affected the entire office. Everyone was given the opportunity to express their concern – which really helped. The best part of the training was when Joyce taught us how to speak directly to each other in a respectful way. By the end of the workshop there was a tremendous difference in our team. The stress level of everyone dissolved. Several weeks went by and I noticed the two people that had the main issue with one another were having a conversation with each other. I called Joyce immediately to let her know how she really left a positive impact on our office. Thank you Joyce!” –

Cpl Steve A. Richardson, Jr, Regional Contracting Office. Marine Forces Reserve

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until next time…Remember

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

November 21, 2011 By Joyce Weiss Leave a Comment

Do You Want to Improve Team Morale by Reducing Conflict in the Workplace?

Many of my clients experience communication gaps because they are not in the same locations and they work on their own special projects.

Conflict in the workplace exists because communication loops are not completed and expectations are not expressed. This blog post will cover 2 tools that you may have read in my other posts. I feel that it is worth reviewing Be Direct with Respect® and Verbal Aikido. These are tools that can be used daily to reduce conflict in your workplace.

I recently had the privilege of working with the Ely District Bureau of Land Management in Ely Nevada. There were Archeologists, Biologists, Special Legislation Program Managers, Geologists, and other BLM specialists who attended the Team Building Program.

This impressive group is responsible for 11 1/2 million acres in the areas of fire, fuel control, support services, accounting, contracting, maintenance of roads, recreation sites, fences, grazing, wild horses plus so many other issues concerning requests and actions on public land. This group feels passionate about what they do for the public and their enthusiasm is something that I don’t get a chance to see very often.

I hope that you enjoy reading the tips that we covered during the training. They will improve communication skills to reduce conflict in your workplace. They are ideas that you can use immediately.

1. The Power Talk Formula

This tool is perfect to use with colleagues, managers, the public or even your family.

I am ______________________your emotional response

When_____________________non judgmental

Because___________________how it effects you

“I am frustrated when I continuously repeat my concerns about the team gossip because this negativity is decreasing the morale for all of us.”

“I am thrilled when I see the team working on completing the communication loop because this will help remove some of the our daily stress.”

Remember NOT to use the words “you,” “but” or “should”. These words make others feel defensive. If someone becomes defensive it could be a signal that your communication caused the other person to push back.

Pay attention to your tone of voice and the words that you use.

Check out this blog post to receive more information on The Power Talk Formula

2. Verbal Aikido

Remember that the person who pulls back is the stronger one in the conversation. Verbal Aikido helps you diplomatically deal with difficult people and bullies.

Here are some tips to use the next time someone pushes you:

Take a deep breath

Do your best to remind yourself not to push back

Agree with the person by saying something like,

“I agree that I did not get back to you immediately.

Let’s take care of this right now while we have each other on the phone.”

This example does not contain any excuses which causes others to push us even more. We are all tired of excuses.

Ask a question when someone says, “You are always so negative.” Your response could be, “Always?” or “Specifically tell me when I was negative.” Be prepared to hear the feedback and not push back by getting defensive.

I know about this first hand when an audience gives constructive feedback. I do my best to listen openly because those are times when I learn about myself.

Check out this article to find more ideas on verbal aikido

Martin Luther King Jr said,

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

Below is a photo of Joyce with Special Legislation Management and Program Analyst Elena Montenegro-Long, Special Legislation Program Manager Carol Bass, Archaeologist Leslie Riley, and Biologist Marian Lichtler.

Joyce spending dinner with Ely District BLM

Check out these 2 videos from Elena Montenegro-Long and Leslie Riley on what they learned from the Team Building Program:

Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team-just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

Until our next visit,

This is Joyce Weiss

and remember,

“You get what you tolerate!”