Have you ever responded to a person and wished that you did not hear what came out of your mouth? We can ALL answer a loud, “YES, Joyce!”  I have done the same thing at times.  The good news is that this post describes a secret tool that I share with my clients and it really works.

The video below is # 18 from my video series:  20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace. 

 We all hear the words stimulus and response.

• The stimulus is something that happens to us…
  For example when someone speaks in a sarcastic way.
• The response is how we react to something.
  In this example it would be how we react to the sarcasm.

 I’d like to add creating a gap to our equation. This is where you decide how to react. I always suggest that we take a breath and pause for a quick moment to decide what you want to say to the person.

 You can react in the following ways when you create a gap:

• Use sarcasm
• Ignore them
• Take revenge
• Let it go
• Thank them

The Rake Story

One of my favorite stories is the rake story. You go to a neighbor to ask him to borrow his rake and he says, “No.” Next week he comes to your house and asks to borrow your shovel. You can either:

• Say “You’ve got to be kidding.”
• You can give it to him with a sarcastic comment such as, “I’m better than you.”
• You don’t say anything and give him a mean look.
• Or you can ask him the reason why he did not give you the rake and give him the shovel without any hesitation.

What is a Good Answer?

I recommend that we ask ourselves, “What is the best way to respond so that we feel good about ourselves?” It does help to let go of things that happened yesterday and to give up revenge. Keeping score takes too much energy.

We usually have more ways to respond. We don’t have to get defensive, be sarcastic, take revenge or suffer in silence. Of course we don’t always respond the best way we can. Take a moment and ask yourself what you learned about your response so that you don’t repeat this pattern. It is better to pull back and not push someone when they attack you with sarcasm.

I hope that these tips will help you take your communication to a new level.

I want to hear from you!

CLICK HERE to send me your questions or concerns.  What is your experience with either using the gap or not using the gap?

Please CLICK HERE to Leave a Comment or Question

Send me any comments that you may have about this article.  Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts to reduce conflict at the workplace and home. There may be someone in your life who is feeling stressed out…who could benefit from the inspiration and knowledge on improving their working condition or home life. Let them know about the “Communicate with Impact Weekly” so they can sign up for their own weekly articles.

Want to share or use this Article in Your Newsletter or on Your Website?

Of course! You are welcome to print this, and any other articles we send, if you use the following byline:

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is a recognized expert on working with clients to build leadership and communication skills that make them top performers in their industry.  Joyce is an author, Communication Strategist, and a Certified Speaking Professional.  Call 800.713.1926 or email:  Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com and explore options on working with Joyce to learn powerful techniques on tackling tough conversations.

Visit her website at ConflictInTheWorkplace.com to sign up for your own FREE video series and Communicate with Impact Weekly to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist and Coach

I share powerful techniques on tackling tough conversations to build employee engagement, accountability, and improve my client’s quality of life.

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, and on line professional growth coaching.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

CLICK HERE to sign up for your FREE Video Series 20 Tips to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace