Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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A Bold New Strategy to Use with Bullies in the Workplace

  • Do you walk on eggshells with bullies in the workplace?
  • Are you caught off guard when someone constantly interrupts you?
  • Would you like to learn how to protect yourself from these negative behaviors?

I’m continuing my quest to help my clients gain control from the bullies in their workplace and home.life.  This article contains a new strategy to use when the power talk formula just won’t work – especially with certain bullies.

A participant in my Be Direct with Respect® Communication Workshop shared an incident that happened to him.  Doug is a manager and Sue, one of his direct reports interrupts Doug numerous times.  Doug has already used the power talk formula with Sue.  He said, “Sue I’m frustrated when I’m interrupted because I have already asked you to wait until the question and answer portion of the meeting.”  Doug is tired of Sue’s rude behavior plus his team has complained to him about Sue’s constant interruptions.  As one team member bluntly asked, “Can’t you shut her up?”

We brainstormed several ideas and came up with the following strategy to control Sue and other bullies in bullies in the workplacethe workplace.  The next time Sue interrupts Doug during the meeting he will say, “Sue. Stop!”  Some of you may think this is an aggressive strategy.  Doug already had discussions with Sue and nothing ever changes.  I encouraged Doug not to sound like a bully himself, but to say, “Stop!” in a strong and assertive tone.

Doug called me a week later and told me that this strategy worked.  Sue was caught off guard and didn’t say a word until the question and answer portion of the meeting.  This strategy may backfire.  It’s always a risk to communicate with bullies in the workplace.  The good news is that when the strategy works, the bully won’t push you anymore.  You won’t be fun to push.  The bully will find someone else to antagonize.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you control bullies in the workplace.  What stories or expressions help you get through the stress?  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email HERE with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Do you want more information on bullies in the workplace?

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address workplace bullying here.

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Have a great week.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

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Is There a Bully at Work Who Makes Your Life Miserable?

Experiencing a bully at work is more prevalent these days.  I’m talking about not playing nice in the sandbox at work.  Bullying doesn’t happen only at school or on social media!

Were you bullied as a child?
Are you a target for a bully at work?

I asked these questions while facilitating a Dealing with Difficult People Workshop.  It was apparent that bullies still roam freely in today’s workplace.  We went from sharing experiences to how to gain control with bullies.  Several participants didn’t realize that they were targets for a bully at work.  This article covers who bullies target and information about bullies.  Future blogs will cover how to handle the bully at work.  

Can we talk?  I teach these strategies and I was caught off guard by someone who I’ve known for a long time.  It took me a few weeks to realize that I became a target.  It took me a while to figure out how to handle the bully.  We had a productive conversation and I called it to her attention.  She didn’t realize that her behavior was bullying and even got defensive at first.  This was to be expected.  We finally had a breakthrough and resolved the issue once I was firm and did not allow her to use an excuse that she was only being sarcastic.  She thanked me at the end.  That is when I knew this corporate communication strategist walked my talk.  🙂

Dealing With a Bully Question #1:  Are You a Target? bully at work

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Are you miserable at your job because of a bully?
  • Is your work sabotaged?
  • Do others think you are exaggerating about the bully?

The best and brightest are targeted.  You may pose a threat somehow to someone who is not developed as a moral human being.

Who gets targeted?

  • Targets are more technically skilled than the bully
  • Targets are better liked and have better social skills
  • Targets have a sense of integrity

Dealing with a Bully at Work Question #2:  Are You Aware of How Serious Bullying Has Become? bully at work

  • Bullies don’t have to throw a single punch to do lasting damage to another person’s health-or your organization’s fiscal health
  • Bullying is experienced by more the 1/3 of the US workforce
  • Bullying is severe enough to compromise a worker’s health – especially if the culprit is your boss
  • Bullying is more prevalent than illegal harassment
  • 40% of targets never tell their employers
  • Bullying is erroneously branded as conflict or difference in personality styles
  • Bullying is a form of violence

Let’s Get Real

Bullies are not punished and are allowed to thrive in the workplace.  Many leaders don’t know how to control them or even help targeted employees.  Companies don’t have the will to stop them.  Don’t give up; find someone at work who will listen to you.  The only way we initiate change is when we don’t give in to these difficult people.

Think of someone at work who may be a target of a bully.  What can you do about this especially if you are on the leadership team?

If You Are a Target, Remember That You:

  • Are not to blame
  • Must not feel it’s acceptable
  • Have a right to get it stopped
  • Have a right to confidentiality

My personal story above illustrates that at times bullies are not aware that their mean boy or girl behavior hurt others.  I’m not making excuses for bullies!  I am mentioning this because your tough conversation may go better than you think – especially if your bully was unaware of how his or her communication caused others stress.

If you deal with a TRUE bully, you may be able to resolve the issue, you must discuss this with someone who you trust so you can start living your life again.  Don’t forget that you have your personal corporate communication strategist right here, waiting for your email.  🙂  I charge my clients for in-depth coaching phone calls, but not for one or two emails from my readers.

Look for my article on Dealing with Narcissists next week along with strategies to help work or even live with these challenging people.

I want to Hear From You

Add a comment to my blog on how you overcame a bully or what he or she did to make you a target.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address workplace bullying here.

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

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5 Words to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Reducing conflict in the workplace is the most requested program from my clients.  For those of you who have attended one of these powerful sessions, you may remember a phrase that I shared with you:  You Get What You Tolerate.  I always ask my audience to express what the phrase means to them.  The discussion is usually about how we allow others to be disrespectful (bullies) or how we don’t confront poor behavior in meetings or in the workplace.  That is if we don’t address the conflict directly and respectfully. 

Hopefully, the 2 case scenarios below will address some of your concerns.

Conflict in the Workplace Scenario #1:   
Dealing with a sarcastic person

You are speaking with your team and Sarcastic Sam constantly uses his negative words to discount a creative conversation.  Remember, You Get what You Tolerate if you don’t have the tough conversation with Sam.  Sam, says, “Here we go again, you know that these meetings are always a waste of time and nothing ever changes around here.”  This is the time when you can say, “Nothing ever changes around here?”  Repeating his sarcastic accusation may show Sam that his words are not accurate.  Other team members may add to the conversation by reminding Sam about all of the changes. 

Conflict in the Workplace Scenario #2: 
Dealing with a rude person while listening to a presenter

You are in the audience listening to an interesting speaker and the person next to you continuously whispers to you that he is bored out of his mind.  Remember, You Get What You Tolerate!  You can keep silent and resent the interruption or you can say, “I don’t want to miss anything that the speaker is saying.  I do want to hear his interesting message.”  All you did was ask him to shut his mouth without being rude to him.  I don’t want/I do want is worth practicing since it is a great way to start the conversation.

More Thoughts from Joyce to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

It’s always a risk when we have tough conversations.  That’s why I share my strategies in our communication toolbox. Repeat Sarcastic Sam’s exaggerations the next time he tries to bring the team down.  This one tool is easy to use and may give you great results.

Another one of my favorite communication strategies is to make conversations safe by using  I don’t want/I do want.  Click Here to watch a video of mine on How to Improve Communication with Negative People from 2010.  The information is current even though the quality of the video is not! 🙂  Hey, we all strive to get better!  

The expression You Get What You Tolerate reminds my clients to respectfully have these tough conversations.  It’s time to say these 5 little words when you are with a rude person or an interrupter. 

I want to hear from you!
CLICK HERE to send me your questions about how to deal with the Sarcastic Sams at your workplace.  What has your experience with them? 

Do You Want to See How Your Communication Impacts Your Success at Work?
CLICK HERE to take the easy and fun Communicate with Impact Quiz. You will get your results immediately and learn more about setting boundaries to be more effective at work and in your life. Sound good?
Here’s the LINK

CLICK HERE to learn how Joyce can help your company eliminate destructive conflict in the workplace

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist and Coach

You can start tackling tough conversations with bullies, different generations, and even narcissists once you learn the powerful strategies. I will do whatever it takes to help you improve your quality of life.

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, and online professional growth coaching.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

PS  Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Conflict in the Workplace Knowledge Page https://www.joyceweiss.com/resources/knowledge-base/conflict-resolution-in-the-workplace/

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Workplace Bullying is a Hot Training Topic

Workplace Bullying is a topic that my clients are asking me to address for their training initiatives. Bullies are really 2- year- olds disguised in adult clothing.  This article will give you 3 ideas on how to deal with workplace bullies.  I will be sharing numerous videos on bullying in the next few blog posts.  Make sure to send me your own experiences because believe me, you are NOT alone!

A few questions from Joyce: conflict suma wrestler

  • Were you bullied as a child?
  • Did you fight back or just take it?
  • Is there someone at work who is a bully to you or others?
  • Does your organization deal with bullies in the workplace?

These questions are ones that are coming up more and more when I talk to clients.  They see an increase in workplace bullying and they don’t know how to stop this conflict in the workplace. 

Workplace Bullying Idea #1:  Fear and Intimidation at Work

The mean boys or girls grow up and become even meaner as adults…especially if no one confronted this negative behavior.  Fear and intimidation become part of their daily routine even if they are in leadership roles.  Yelling, swearing, ignoring, demeaning others in front of employees, etc are all ways for bullies to control others.  It works because most people don’t know what to do.   I’ve been researching this subject lately to find new data to share with my clients.  I will write future blogs on the danger of NOT dealing with bullies.

Workplace Bullying Idea #2:  An Actual Example From a Client

Debbie called me for me to help her deal with someone on her board who was bullying her.  Debbie’s boss appreciates her and is pleased with her performance because she steadily raises money for the organization.  Her boss knows about Sean, a board member who continuously demeans her.  Debbie called me at the suggestion of her boss. Debbie has 100% support from her boss who wants her to take care of Sean on her own terms.  Sean also micromanages Debbie.  Debbie and I worked on a few techniques. 

Workplace Bullying Idea #3:  Examples That Worked for Debbie 

I don’t want to be belittled. I do want to maximize and collaborate our different skill sets, connections, and experience in raising as much money for our organization as possible.

I’m overwhelmed when I don’t get things done in a timely manner because it is not a professional reflection on our team.
I’m frustrated when I’m micromanaged by someone other than my boss because I have a proven track record of success.

 Click here for more examples of the Power Talk Formula. Is is a short video with some great techniques.

Sean folded his arms at first and did not respond.  The next board meeting his behavior changed and Debbie left a message on my voice mail at midnight because she was thrilled that she was able to turn things around.  It is a risk to speak to a bully.  At times things actually get worse especially when the are narcissists!  With practice and support, we can all discover ways to resolve these issues.

I want to hear from you!

Feel free to send me your questions or concerns either on my blog or to my email if you want more privacy. I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own conflict in the workplace “issues.”  Let me know if you are working with a bully or if you are one yourself.  Cicero said, “Where there is life, there is hope!” 🙂

  Click here for more examples of the Power Talk Formula. 

CLICK HERE to learn how Joyce can help your company eliminate workplace bullying

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist and Coach

You can start tackling tough conversations with bullies, different generations, and even narcissists once you learn the powerful strategies. I will do whatever it takes to help you improve your quality of life.

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, and on line professional growth coaching.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our bullying in the workplace knowledge base https://www.joyceweiss.com/resources/knowledge-base/bullying-in-the-workplace/

Do you need creative gift ideas for your friends or relatives?  Click here to explore Joyce’s products that are perfect for anyone who likes books on professional growth and inspiration. joyce on bike 208x280

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Top Tips on Bullying in the Workplace and Life

One of the highlights in my career is when I go to conferences and people come up to me thanking me for writing this blog…especially the series on Bullying in the Workplace.  I don’t even know the people who tell me this, but they make the process worthwhile because I know I’m connecting with people and helping them resolve their workplace issues.  This post consists of 5 past articles on Bullying in the Workplace.  Many of you have shared your experience with me on how these difficult people are tough to deal with at work and home. I look forward to having you share which tip “speaks” to you.  You will find the comment box at the bottom.  Please share your experience.

Tip 1 on Bullying in the Workplace:  Facts About Bullies

Bullies don’t have to throw a single punch to do lasting damage to another person’s health…or your business fiscal health.  Bullying is experienced by more than 1/3 of the US workforce.  The link below will take you to the entire article.  
CLICK HERE to find more facts about Bullies.

Tip 2 on Bullying in the Workplace:  Do You Know Bullies at Work?

This article will identify types of bullies who exist.  As you watch the video and read the article start to think if you may have a bullying issue at work.
CLICK HERE to learn if you know bullies at work.

Tip 3 on Bullying in the Workplace:  Are You a Target for a Bully?

This video and article will show you if you are a target for a bully. After you watch the video please let me know if you were or are a target of a bully and how you handled it.
CLICK HERE to find out if you are a target for a bully

Tip 4 on Bullying in the Workplace:  Why Are Bullies Allowed to Get Away With Violence?

This video and article will answer a question that I get asked quite often…Why are bullies allowed to get away with their violent behavior?
CLICK HERE to discover why bullies are allowed to get away with violence.

Tip 5 on Bullying in the Workplace:  How to Change a Bullying Environment

Do you want to figure out how to change a bullying environment?
Does your company allow bullies to rule the board room?
Do you want to find out more about bullies?
If so, CLICK HERE to discover strategies

I want to hear from you!
CLICK HERE to send me your questions about your experience with bullies in the workplace.
Do you have any tips for how to initiate a conversation with a bully in the workplace?
Have you read any good business books lately about bullies? I’d love to hear about them.

Is there someone in your workplace making you miserable?
Are you a target for bullying?
Is there someone at work who pushes your hot buttons? If so check out Communicate with Impact which is a Personalized Career and Leadership Development Project which includes an individualized on-line coaching program.  Clients are supported by me for 2 months via email and instructional videos.  It’s all about engagement;  THE WOW factor is working with an experienced communication strategist and we will exceed your expectations!  The course is flexible and will work with YOUR busy schedule. 
CLICK HERE to see how others have received promotions and most importantly a peace of mind.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist and Coach

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, and on line career development coaching.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

CLICK HERE to learn how Joyce can help your company eliminate workplace bullying

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our bullying in the workplace knowledge base https://www.joyceweiss.com/resources/knowledge-base/bullying-in-the-workplace/

 

 

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831