Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

By Leave a Comment

Get Ready to Take Control of Difficult Conversations

Difficult conversations plague professionals across the board. Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Additionally, clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Rather than pushing back or getting even,  you can gain control of the situation. In fact, seething in silence doesn’t help to diplomatically deal with unkind people. The solution is called Verbal Aikido. It’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired.

What is Aikido?

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense. It uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker. And creates balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment. Additionally, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Verbal Aikido Basics to Get in Control of Difficult Conversations difficult people

The cardinal rule of Verbal Aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

Verbal Aikido EXAMPLE #1 to Gain Control of Difficult Conversations:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusation, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” Don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a Verbal Aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses. And gives the other person nothing to push against.

Verbal Aikido EXAMPLE #2 to Gain Control of Difficult Conversations:

Suppose you’re giving constructive feedback to a male coworker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming “heated” and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. In fact, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

How would you respond during either one of these 2 examples about Verbal Aikido?

Please share your thoughts and let’s continue this important conversation.

Let’s Stay Connected

Please share your thoughts about this week’s post. How can you see using Verbal Aikido? 
You can share in the comment section or send me a private email HERE.

Until Next Time,

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP
Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach
Queen of Conflict Resolution

P.S. Please share this post on your social media. As a result, other growth-minded people can reduce their high drama and inner stress. We made it easy for you. The shareable social media links are below. 

P.P.S. I’m the Human Resource Professional’s Partner. I coach employees and managers to feel comfortable using their voice without losing their cool – so they feel heard and respected.

P.P.P.S Are you {or your direct reports} ready to explore working with me as your private coach?

Call me at 248.681.5831 or send an email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com to discover how easy this process is. Plus these packages fit with anyone’s budget and schedule.
 

Schedule your complimentary 20 – minute discovery call

 

 

 

 

 

By Leave a Comment

Gain Control if You Work for a Real Jerk: 3 Easy Tips You Can Use: Part 5

  • Do you want to stop your inner stress if you work with a real jerk?real jerk | work for a jerk
  • Are you stuck with a nonteam player who is constantly putting others {even you} down?
  • It took me a while to figure out how to do this myself.

This article is about 3 easy strategies that I experimented with when dealing with my real jerk.  They are tested and yes, they do work. 🙂

As you know, your rude coworker drains a lot of time and energy from anyone who works with this real jerk. 

An interesting study about real jerks

Christine Porath, the author of Mastering Civility, surveyed 800 people across 17 industries. Porath concluded that when employees don’t feel respected, their productivity suffers. 

Here are some shocking statistics from Porath’s research:

  • 25% admitted to taking their frustration out on customers when they work with a real jerk. {Ouch!}
  • 12% said they left their job because of this rudeness.

My question to you and your leaders is how much is this costing your organization from not stopping these real jerks? I hope you’re listening! 😉 

This is the final article in the 5 part series: “Working with a Jerk.”

The previous articles covered real jerks who:

  • Purposely stepped on a co-worker’s foot 
  • Sarcastically ridiculed a colleagues’ clothes
  • Erased a co-worker’s name from the company recognition board because he was jealous of the co-worker’s success 

I have not made up any of these stories.  You will find more in future articles. Please share your real jerk stories with me! You will receive a secret gift from me – just for sending your story to Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com

Below are the links to all 4 articles on “Working with a Jerk”:

Stop the Rudeness in Your Life

Stop Your Self Doubt with Jerks

Working with a Jerk

Stop You Inner Stress with Jerks

Here we go with 3 ideas you can use to reduce your inner stress if you work for a real jerk

Practice THE GAP Technique: Strategy #1 to reduce inner stress working with a real jerk

THE GAP is your Safe Place to decide what you will say or not say before opening up your mouth. This is one of the strategies in the WEISS COMMUNICATION SUCCESS PLAN. real jerk

  • Decide how you will handle this situation. 
  • Are you going to speak directly to your real jerk? 
  • Do you want to discuss this with HR before you move forward?
  • Is it better to avoid this person?

Talk with your rude colleague:  Strategy #2 to reduce your drama with your real jerk

This is a great idea if you have a solid relationship with this co-worker.  

  • Focus on the issue – not the person.
  • Discuss how this negative behavior is harming your relationship.
  • Listen to what your colleague says and do your best NOT to push back.
  • Get into his or her shoes and gain perspective on what you are hearing.

You may discover that this rudeness has nothing to do with work. And, when you have a positive conversation, things may work out better for you.

There’s always a risk that things may backfire. For those of you who know me, go on and say out loud what I will write;  “It’s worth the risk!”  At least you started the conversation. And, you expressed how you are being impacted.

Decide the pros and cons to leaving this toxic environment: Strategy #3 to gain control with your real jerk

The biggest issue is when leaders have a blind eye to these real jerks. They are doing so much harm when they don’t address these rude people. real jerk | work for a jerk | coaching your team | action plans | action steps

Ask yourself the following questions before you decide to leave:

  • How is your current job affecting your life outside of work?
  • Have you gone to your Doctor because of this inner stress?
  • How would leaving or not leaving affect your career?
  • Did you discuss your concern with HR or your supervisor?

This was a hard decision for clients who decided to leave a company due to a real jerk. If you are experiencing this now, feel free to reach out and we can have a laser-focused session. 

Send me an email for this discovery call.

Let’s Stay Connected

Please share your thoughts about this week’s post. How does it resonate with you?
You can share your thoughts in the comment section or send me a private email HERE.

Please share your real jerk stories with me! You will receive a secret gift from me – just for sending your story to Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com

Below are the links to all 4 articles on “Working with a Jerk”:

Stop the Rudeness in Your Life

Stop Your Self Doubt with Jerks

Working with a Jerk

Stop You Inner Stress with Jerks

Until Next Time,

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP
Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach
Queen of Conflict Resolution

P.S. Please share this post on your social media. As a result, other growth-minded people can reduce their high drama and inner stress. We made it easy for you. You have the shareable social media links below. 

P.P.S. I’m the Human Resource Professional’s Partner. I coach employees and managers to feel comfortable using their voice without losing their cool – so they feel heard and respected.

P.P.P.S Are you {or your direct reports} ready to explore working with me as your private coach?  It’s easy and fits anyone’s budget and schedule.
Call me at 248.681.5831 or send an email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com for a Free 20 – minute discovery call.

By Leave a Comment

Stop Your Inner Stress with a Rude Jerk: Part 4

This series: Working with a Rude Jerk is getting some attention! 

I’m receiving emails with questions on how to handle these rude people. This article describes another true story from one of my clients.

The next article contains specific strategies on what you can do. Especially, when the rude jerk tries to pull you down. And your inner stress is affected.

You’ll find the links below if you missed the first 3 articles in the series:

Stop the Rudeness in Your Life

Stop Your Self Doubt with Jerks

Working with a Jerk

True Story # 4 on Working with a Rude Jerk

Todd is a sales rep for a mid-sized firm. He received a promotion for selling the most products in the company for the first quarter. The leaders wrote Todd’s name on a huge recognition board in the lunchroom. 

Can you guess what happened next? You are correct if you guessed that someone erased Todd’s name from the board. 

The horrific part is that no one at Todd’s firm addressed this mean-spirited act.

What Would You Do if You Were Todd’s Boss?

Here are several ideas shared by clients:

The leaders need to call an all-employee meeting to address this rude act. The message:  supporting each other on the team. Be very specific on the consequences when the team tries to sabotage other’s success. Discuss how to improve morale and what the team needs. 

Some leaders don’t have the communication skills on how to stop the negativity. And how to handle a rude jerk in their workplace. Morale spirals down when a negative culture is allowed. Many of you may have left a company when leaders allow this kind of behavior. It takes a toll on the team when a rude jerk is allowed to get away with sabotaging others. I hear stories like this way too often.

Joyce, What Can We Do Working With a Rude Jerk?

I will have an entire answer in next week’s blog.  Here are a few ideas to get you started:

  1. Speak to HR about what suggestions they have for you.  Make sure that you bring enough data.  This is not a communication of whining and complaining. It needs to be specific details and think of possible suggestions before you take this issue to leadership.
  2. Talk to the Jerk on your own if you have a decent relationship with him or her. Ask questions to help you understand why he or she was rude.

    The great news is that my new and updated website and youtube channel will be ready soon. There will be articles and videos addressing these issues. And, you will find out how easy it is to work with me as your personal conflict resolution and communication coach. 

You’ll find the links below if you missed the first 3 articles in the series:

Stop the Rudeness in Your Life

Stop Your Self Doubt with Jerks

Working with a Jerk

Let’s Stay Connected

Please share your thoughts about this week’s post. How does it resonate with you?
You can share your thoughts in the comment section or send me a private email HERE.

Until Next Time,

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP
Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach
Queen of Conflict Resolution

P.S. Please share this post on your social media. As a result, other growth-minded people can reduce their high drama and inner stress.

P.P.S. I’m the Human Resource Professional’s Partner. I coach employees and managers to feel comfortable using their voice without losing their cool – so they feel heard and respected.

P.P.P.S Are you {or your direct reports} ready to explore working with me as your private coach?  It’s easy and fits anyone’s budget and schedule.
Call me at 248.681.5831 or send an email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com for a Free 20 – minute discovery call.

 

By Leave a Comment

5 Easy Secrets to Coach Your Team: Part 2

This week is part 2 in the five-part series: 5 Easy Secrets to Coach Your Team.
Last week the topic was about strategies to use a code of conduct.
Here’s the link for you if you missed it.

Team Coaching Secret #2:  The Team Will Not Be Happy All of the Time code of conduct |complainers; generations in the workplace

  • At times team members will be put on the spot
  • Direct communication (with respect) is part of the Code of Honor
  • The code will protect everyone on the team from abuse as long as bold honesty, accountability, and support exit.

Thoughts From Joyce

It’s important for you to have a trained coach or consultant to conduct your code of conduct because there may be times that pushback is prevalent – especially if you have bullies or rude people on your team.  Everyone is responsible to call out team members when the code is broken. 

  • Remember, the code is made by the team. 
  • Everyone must play by the same rules.
  • Team members are willing to stand up and defend the code.

Pushback must be stopped immediately because the team already agreed with each other by creating the code of conduct.  This is where a coach or trained consultant can jump right in before things get out of hand. It could be a good coaching moment with the person who pushes back.  He or she needs to think outside the box and realize that egos are not part of the code. This is the only way that the strategy will succeed.

Leaders can deal with the person who pushes back. It could be a red flag that the angry team member is not a good fit for the company.  It’s not all about you.  It’s about the code. 
You will find more information about this in the next 3 blog posts.

I want to hear from you!

CLICK HERE to learn more about creating your own code of conduct. Ask me how it works to see if it’s a right fit for your organization.

What’s your experience when you created a code of conduct with your team?

Feel free to call me at 248.681.5831 if you want to explore options on how I can come to your organization and facilitate a meeting (face to face or virtually) for you to create your own code of conduct. This is the perfect exercise for any board meeting or retreat.

Human resource professionals find this exercise a time saver for them.

Let’s Stay Connected

Please share your thoughts about this week’s post. How does it resonate with you?
You can share your thoughts in the comment section or send me a private email HERE.

Until Next Time,
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP
Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach
Queen of Conflict Resolution

P.S. Please share this post on your social media so other growth-minded people can control their inner stress and improve morale at work.

P.P.S. I work with human resource and business professionals so that they feel heard and respected which means they feel confident speaking their voice without losing their cool.

P.P.P. S.  Here’s the link from part 1 if you missed it.

By Leave a Comment

5 Easy Secrets to Coach Your Team: Part 1

Do you want to learn a powerful secret from my team coaching toolbox?  If so, you are in the right place:  Create Your Team’s Code of Conduct.

This is part 1 of a 5-part series on creating your code of conduct.
Make sure and look for parts 2-5 in the next few blog posts.

This article contains an exciting exercise that I use in my training sessions on Resolving Conflict and Employee Engagement.  Clients enjoy using this strategy.  They implement the ideas during and after the session.  I hope that you see the value of using this powerful training secret.  It can help you reduce conflict in the workplace and improve your working condition.

 You may be asking yourself, “What is a code of conduct?”  A code of conduct is a powerful set of rules that govern the internal behavior of any team.

 Team Coaching Secret #1:  Strategies to use a Code of Conduct

  • The rules are made by the team.code of conduct |team coaching
  • Team members are willing to stand and defend the code.
  • Each team member is personally responsible and accountable for his or her behavior.
  • It allows everyone to do their best work.
  • Everyone must play by the same rules.
  • The team agrees to put in the time and energy – not just show up for work.
  • Everyone helps finds the unique talents of team members.

Thoughts from Joyce

Here are examples of my client’s code of conduct that we created together:

  • Everyone needs to come to the meeting on time.
  • No side conversations during the meeting.
  • Cell phones are turned off.
  • Everyone needs to participate.
  • The team supports members when harassment occurs and confronts bullies and other difficult people.

The idea is for the entire team to come up with its own code.  Leaders can’t persuade others what direction to take.  I’ve seen miracles happen when this exercise is done right.  The team can change the code to fine-tune their goals. 

I find that clients get better results when they have a coach help them create the code of conduct so leaders and team members are equal during this strategy session. It doesn’t take long to do this because I’ve got my secret sauce when it comes to team coaching. Just saying! 😉

Look for parts 2-5 on Easy Secrets to Coach Your Team in the next 4 blog posts.

CLICK HERE to learn more about how Joyce can help your company create team synergy through team building consulting.

I want to hear from you!

CLICK HERE to send me your questions about creating your own code of conduct. 

What is your experience when you created one with your team? 

Feel free to call me at 248.713.1926 if you want to explore options on how I can come to your organization and facilitate a meeting (face to face or virtually) for you to create your own code of conduct.  This is a perfect exercise for any board meeting or retreat. Human Resource Professionals find this exercise a time saver for them.

Do You Want to See How Your Communication Impacts Your Success at Work?

CLICK HERE to take the easy and fun Kick Conflict to the Curb Assessment. You will get your results immediately and learn more about setting boundaries to be more effective at work and in your life. Sound good?
Here’s the LINK

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP

Conflict Resolution Coach

You can start tackling tough conversations with bullies, different generations, and even narcissists once you learn the powerful strategies. I will do whatever it takes to help you improve your quality of life.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

P.S.  I work with Human Resource Professionals, individuals, and small groups to make sure everyone feels heard and respected so they Kick Conflict to the Curb.

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831