Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Do You Know Someone Who Sucks the Oxygen Out of the Room?

Is there a coworker or family member who constantly does the following:

  • Brags about his or her superiority?
  • Exaggerates his or her achievements?
  • Fails to notice others in the room?

If so, this article is just for you! 🙂 It consists of information about a challenging difficult personality disorder – The Narcissist.

Difficult Personality Disorder:  Description 

Narcissists: difficult personality disorder

  • Have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration
  • Expect others to go along with their ideas and plans
  • Violate the boundaries of others
  • Feel rage with any kind of feedback

Difficult Personality Disorder:  The Most Important Characteristic of Narcissists

Behind their mask of ultra-self-confidence lays fragile self-esteem vulnerable to the slightest criticism.  For this reason alone, it’s tough to have a 2-way conversation.  Giving them feedback is like dealing with a spoiled 2-year old.

Difficult Personality Disorder:  Coping Guidelines difficult personality disorder

Recognize when you are with someone who repeatedly evokes shame and anger.  Try not to personalize since they do this to others.  Think of the Narcissist as a 2-year old on the inside.  This may stop you from having unrealistic expectations about your relationship with them.

Plan ahead how to set boundaries since they excel at the control game.  I  walk away from a one-sided conversation by saying, “There’s Bob, I need to discuss something with him before he leaves the meeting.”  Those of you who know me realize that I usually don’t recommend skirting the issue.  It’s a different situation with narcissists.  Setting boundaries and doing your best not to get tangled in their me/me web are two strategies that are hard to do – yet they are necessary to keep your sanity.  🙂

Difficult Personality Disorder:  Let’s Get Real

Narcissists are frustrating.  I have known a few in my life.  This is why I started doing research about them.  My clients discuss how these selfish people do their best to make others feel inadequate and powerless.  You probably won’t change them.  Awareness will not change the reality but it changes your perspective.  Knowing more about narcissists gives you information that you can use to protect yourself and do your best not to be with them.  I will include how I protect myself from narcissists in a future article.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on the challenges that you experience with a narcissist.  How have you coped with this difficult personality disorder?  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Knowledge Base Page Conflict in the Workplace here.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

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Joyce Weiss’s Favorite Quote on Professional Growth

favorite quote | joyce weiss | communication strategist | career coach

Sydney J. Harris’s quote speaks volumes about one of my favorite topics – professional and personal development.  There’s no secret that my passion for coaching is about as transparent as a person can be.  Years ago when I traveled with friends, they were reading romance novels and there I was on a beach delving into the newest self-help book.  Fast forward to today and you will find me on YouTube watching new techniques shared by numerous professional development gurus such as Tony Robbins.  I’m NOT judging anyone’s reading choices!  I’m giving you a glimpse into my interests.  🙂

Billions is an American television drama series starring Paul Giamatti and Damian Lewis, that premiered on Showtime on January 17, 2016. The series is loosely based on the activities of the crusading federal prosecutor of financial crimes and his legal battles with hedge fund managers.  Wendy is the corporate spiritual advisor for the hedge fund company.  She uses effective coaching strategies that she learned from Tony Robbins on the team. I am mesmerized by her outcomes.  My coaching clients have been introduced to many of her technique and the results are impressive.

I feel that we are on a continuous journey to become the best who we can be and to change the world one person at a time.  I own this statement.  It’s so worthwhile to support others who believe in this philosophy.

Here’s my question for the week:

How do you get to know yourself?  Is it through reading, training, or coaching?
Please share your favorite personal or professional growth books.  I will compile your ideas in a future blog.

Please share if you like this quote.

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Is There a Bully at Work Who Makes Your Life Miserable?

Experiencing a bully at work is more prevalent these days.  I’m talking about not playing nice in the sandbox at work.  Bullying doesn’t happen only at school or on social media!

Were you bullied as a child?
Are you a target for a bully at work?

I asked these questions while facilitating a Dealing with Difficult People Workshop.  It was apparent that bullies still roam freely in today’s workplace.  We went from sharing experiences to how to gain control with bullies.  Several participants didn’t realize that they were targets for a bully at work.  This article covers who bullies target and information about bullies.  Future blogs will cover how to handle the bully at work.  

Can we talk?  I teach these strategies and I was caught off guard by someone who I’ve known for a long time.  It took me a few weeks to realize that I became a target.  It took me a while to figure out how to handle the bully.  We had a productive conversation and I called it to her attention.  She didn’t realize that her behavior was bullying and even got defensive at first.  This was to be expected.  We finally had a breakthrough and resolved the issue once I was firm and did not allow her to use an excuse that she was only being sarcastic.  She thanked me at the end.  That is when I knew this corporate communication strategist walked my talk.  🙂

Dealing With a Bully Question #1:  Are You a Target? bully at work

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Are you miserable at your job because of a bully?
  • Is your work sabotaged?
  • Do others think you are exaggerating about the bully?

The best and brightest are targeted.  You may pose a threat somehow to someone who is not developed as a moral human being.

Who gets targeted?

  • Targets are more technically skilled than the bully
  • Targets are better liked and have better social skills
  • Targets have a sense of integrity

Dealing with a Bully at Work Question #2:  Are You Aware of How Serious Bullying Has Become? bully at work

  • Bullies don’t have to throw a single punch to do lasting damage to another person’s health-or your organization’s fiscal health
  • Bullying is experienced by more the 1/3 of the US workforce
  • Bullying is severe enough to compromise a worker’s health – especially if the culprit is your boss
  • Bullying is more prevalent than illegal harassment
  • 40% of targets never tell their employers
  • Bullying is erroneously branded as conflict or difference in personality styles
  • Bullying is a form of violence

Let’s Get Real

Bullies are not punished and are allowed to thrive in the workplace.  Many leaders don’t know how to control them or even help targeted employees.  Companies don’t have the will to stop them.  Don’t give up; find someone at work who will listen to you.  The only way we initiate change is when we don’t give in to these difficult people.

Think of someone at work who may be a target of a bully.  What can you do about this especially if you are on the leadership team?

If You Are a Target, Remember That You:

  • Are not to blame
  • Must not feel it’s acceptable
  • Have a right to get it stopped
  • Have a right to confidentiality

My personal story above illustrates that at times bullies are not aware that their mean boy or girl behavior hurt others.  I’m not making excuses for bullies!  I am mentioning this because your tough conversation may go better than you think – especially if your bully was unaware of how his or her communication caused others stress.

If you deal with a TRUE bully, you may be able to resolve the issue, you must discuss this with someone who you trust so you can start living your life again.  Don’t forget that you have your personal corporate communication strategist right here, waiting for your email.  🙂  I charge my clients for in-depth coaching phone calls, but not for one or two emails from my readers.

Look for my article on Dealing with Narcissists next week along with strategies to help work or even live with these challenging people.

I want to Hear From You

Add a comment to my blog on how you overcame a bully or what he or she did to make you a target.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address workplace bullying here.

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

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Ask Four Questions to Increase Employee Engagement

Employee engagement is an ongoing challenge for most companies.

Do you need some ideas to help increase employee engagement?

Do your colleagues or employees exhibit the following behavior during your meetings?

  • Roll their eyes?
  • Look at their watches every few moments?
  • Yawn a lot?

If so, you are not alone!  Many of my clients experience the same reactions at their meetings. There is hope once you experiment with the strategies on this blog.

Employee Engagement Strategy:  Create Synergy by Involving Everyone at the Meeting employee engagement

Ask each participant to either share the questions below with a partner or go around the table.  There must be a level of trust felt by the team or this could backfire.  Hopefully, you have a level of understanding who is on your team and how you can move forward to improve employee engagement.

  • What is something about our company that you’re feeling good about?
  • What are some questions that you’d like to ask others in this room?
  • What is something most people don’t know about you?
  • What were your favorite toys, games, and candy when you were a child?

I realize that you have time restraints and important information to cover in your meetings.  I also know that my clients see great results after they engage others.  Participants relax after they discuss the questions.  People not in the meeting hear laughter oozing from the walls and ask me what I did to create such energy.  🙂

Employee Engagement Strategy:  Listen and be Open to Complaints employee engagement |Favorite quotes | Joyce Weiss | Career Coach | Corporate Communication Strategist

You may hear complaints from your colleagues that these questions are a waste of time.  I suggest that you listen to their feedback.  I also suggest that you make your case on how you want to improve the quality of your meetings and continually improve employee engagement.  You may still hear some whining BUT if you facilitate the meeting by asking these questions, you will see the majority of your colleagues see how these ideas encourage laughter and barriers begin falling down.  Teams will be more involved and engaged.

Employee Engagement Strategy:  Thoughts from Joyce

I use these techniques during serious conflict resolution sessions because laughter and employee engagement
are both time savers.  Look for more information on the importance of laughter in future blogs.  It helps when people feel listened to and are taken seriously.  The result is that the answers to the above questions show how the team is more alike than they thought they were before the meeting.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you improve employee engagement.  What strategies do you use?  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address conflict resolution in the workplace here.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

PS Do you want more questions to ask to improve employee engagement?
Read How to Help Your Team Find Opportunities HERE

 

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Joyce Recommends a Best-Selling Book about Amazon’s Communication Strategies

Do you use Amazon to purchase items, listen to music or watch a video?
Do you wonder how Jeff Bezos started Amazon.com?
Are you curious why some people stay, and others leave Amazon’s antagonistic company?

If you want answers to these questions, I recommend reading The Everything Store:  Jeff Bezos and The Age of Amazon by Brad Stone.

Bezos named his company Amazon.com in 1994.  The Amazon is not only the largest river in the world, it’s many times larger than the next biggest river.  Bezos said, “It blows all other rivers away.”  This gives you an idea of how the company was destined to be bigger than life.

You will get an inside look at Amazon in my future articles.  I find the story of Jeff Bezos fascinating and could not put the book down.  Some of his ideas are contrarian on how I feel about teams and communication strategies; while I applaud his tenacity.  I am interested in how you react to Amazon’s communication strategies.  Please send me your opinions after you read his book or my articles.

The communication strategies below will get you started.  Strap your seat belts on and decide if you could work in the unique environment.

Communication Strategies:  4 Principles at Amazon

  • Step by step ferociously
  • Impossible goals will win the day
  • Setbacks are temporary
  • Naysayers are best ignored

I agree with these principles.  Decide if you or your company can add any of these ideas to the success of the company.

Communication Strategies:  Communication is a Sign of Dysfunction

Communication StrategiesOuch.  Bezos believes that his employees should try to figure out a way for teams to communicate less with each other, not more.  Coordination among employees wastes time and the people closest to problems are usually in the best position to solve them.

I don’t agree that teams need to communicate less – yet meetings need to be more productive.  Include the right people at your meetings.  I know that employees who work directly with customers need to be part of the decision-making process.  They hear both complaints and positive feedback daily.  The answer to resolving conflict is about productive communication strategies that dig deep and solve problems in a direct and respectful way.

Communication Strategies:  Ideas from Jeff Bezos

  • Risk taking is cool
  • Defeating bigger, unsympathetic guys is cool
  • Inventing is cool
  • Explorers are cool
  • Conquerors are not cool
  • Obsessing over competitors is not cool
  • Empowering others is cool
  • Conviction is cool
  • Straightforwardness is cool
  • Thinking big is cool
  • The unexpected is cool

Which ideas from Amazon’s list do you need to discuss at your next brainstorming session?
My favorite one is straightforwardness.  No surprises for those of you who know of my work. 😊

Communication Strategies:  Amazon’s Culture is Confrontational

Communication StrategiesThis begins with Bezos, who believes that truth appears when ideas are banged against each other.  Leaders are obligated to respectfully challenge decisions when they disagree, even when doing so is uncomfortable.

The people who do well at Amazon are often those who thrive in an adversarial atmosphere.  Managers are required to grade their employees and must dismiss the least effective performers.  Many Amazon employees live in perpetual fear.

Despite the stress, former Amazon employees often consider their time at the company the most productive of their careers.  Their colleagues were smart, the work was challenging, and Amazon offered constant opportunities for learning – while others expressed anguish about their experience.  Bezos says, “the company attracts a certain kind of person who likes to pioneer and invent.”

Joyce’s Thoughts About Amazon

I am an avid fan and purchase most of my business and professional items because the price is right, returning items is a breeze, and 2-day delivery can’t be beaten – did I mention that it saves time by not going to stores?

I’m drawn to stories about brilliant people like Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos.  Their communication skills may not be the best but their dreams and tenacity to move forward no matter what, speak to me.

Bezos told his parents that there was a 70% chance they could lose all their initial investment in their son’s company.  “I want you to know what the risks are because I still want to come home for Thanksgiving if this doesn’t work.”

Readers, is this straightforward enough for you?  It is for me!

I want to Hear From You

Add a comment to my blog on Amazon’s philosophy.  Have you ever worked in a contrarian work environment?  If so, please tell us how it worked for you and others.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.
Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Check out another of my book recommendations:  The Power of Why

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Have a great week.
Until next time, remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831