Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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A Powerful Strategy to Be in Control When Others Try to Push Your Hot Buttons

Hot buttons – we all have them.  How do you react when someone pushes yours?

  • Do you push back?
  • Do you remain silent?
  • Do you think of the best answer on your way home?

Do you wish you could react to toxic situations with more control?

If so, you’re in the right place!

Here are three powerful communication strategies to help you be in control:

Strategy #1 to be in control:  Pretend you’re in their situation

Figure out why they are behaving this way.  Ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were in their shoes?”  This could help you respond in a way that is more helpful since you understand how they may feel.

Strategy #2 to be in control:  Use the GAP Technique be in control

The GAP is a moment when we step back and take a deep breath to decide what we want to say.  This is the time to be in control and take a quick moment to think before the wrong words pour out of our mouth.

A stimulus is something that happens to us – someone interrupts us for example.
The response is how we react – what you will say to the interrupter.

I use the following sentence when others interrupt me:  “I want to hear what you have to say after I finish my story.”

The GAP is one of my personal favorite communication strategies because it saves me embarrassment by stopping me from saying something that may not be the best response.

Strategy #3 to be in control:  Don’t explain or defend yourself when something goes wrong be in control

Calmly acknowledge, apologize and act – never explain.  Explanations come across as excuses.  Agree if what they say is somewhat true.  Don’t blame it on someone else, even when you know who made the mistake.

Use Strategy #3 when a client complains that your company is late with a project: say, “You’re right.  We dropped the ball and will do whatever it takes to resolve this issue.  I will send it to you by 3 pm today.  Here is my cell phone.  Please call me anytime.  You are in good hands with me.”

Let’s Get Real

There are times when we don’t respond as well as possible especially when others push our buttons. These are learning moments!  We can always improve especially when we analyze what went wrong during a tough communication.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog when I describe verbal aikido to give you the strength to be in control.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you stay in control when others push you. You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email here with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Have a Great week.

Until next time, Remember – “You Get What You Tolerate!”

PS Do you want more information on how to resolve conflict or advance your career?
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Book Recommendation on Complainers and Energy Drainers

I am including a very interesting blog post on energy drainers from a colleague of mine, Linda Byars Swindling.  Thanks to Linda for giving me permission to use her fascinating information to share with you.

Stop Complainers & Energy Drainers: How to Negotiate Work Drama to Get More Done is an excellent read.

How to Identify a Controller. 
When people use F-bombs and complain to intimidate and motivate others to act, they are Controllers.  These Complainers appear as tyrants, bullies and slave drivers. Think of “Monster Trucks” – these people are aggressive, loud and ready to roll over you to get to their destination. Controllers want you to yield to their authority and they push hard to confront obstacles and get results. Controllers use complaining to get things done.

How Controllers Affect the Workplace.
They are the harassers of the workplace. Morale and production go down when people feel intimidated and employees and coworkers cope by keeping secrets from the Controller. Creativity and risk-taking shut down which causes top performers to leave and go work elsewhere.

How to Work with a Controller.
You can’t use excuses, finger pointing or a detailed account of what went wrong when negotiating with a Controller. Instead, be ready to provide answers and show progress on the work that’s been completed.

How to Negotiate with a Controller. Stand. Deliver. Let Them Decide.

  • Stand your ground. Be assertive and confident but not aggressive when you respond.
  • Let the Controllers know that you heard the problems or challenges and that a plan is in place to fix the situation.
  • Let Them Decide. When possible, give Controllers the opportunity to make a decision from a narrow selection of options
    (that YOU give them) to move forward.

About Linda Swindling, JD, CSP

A recognized authority on negotiations, workplace issues, and persuasive communication, Linda Swindling is a former employment attorney and speaker. Linda has authored over 20 books, including her book Stop Complainers and Energy Drainers: How to Negotiate Work Drama to Get More Done. Follow her on twitter @LindaSwindling or visit LindaSwindling.com.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you control energy drainers.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.
Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Click here for Tips to Use During Tough Conversations to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address conflict resolution in the workplace here.

This is Joyce Weiss, Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach
Have a great week.
Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

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One of my Favorite Quotes about Excellence

favorite quote | Joyce Weiss | Career Coach#favorite quote
#aristotle
#excellence

Many people ask me how I define success.  Success is being prepared, working smart, not giving up, surrounding yourself with open-minded people, and constant learning.  Excellence is part of the equation.

We all work with people who do things just to get by.  There are times when certain people just can’t push themselves to be the best that they can be.

Leaders have the tough job of deciding who stays and who needs to be dismissed. I help leaders manage mediocre employees who need that extra motivation.  Training is definitely an answer for some employees.  At times nothing seems to help.

How have you turned around a mediocre employee to become the department’s star?

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What is Your Secret to Success?

 

I recently had conversations with several college-bound students about what the secrets of success.  It was fascinating to listen to their mature thoughts.  Some told me that doing well in college helps.  Others talked about the importance of networking and meeting the right people.  They asked me to add to the conversation.  I told them that preparation is my secret sauce.  I make my workshops or presentations look easy.  The truth is that it looks easy because I prepared and prepared – practiced and practiced!

What is your secret to your success?

#ArthurAshe
#Secrettosuccess
#preparation
#motivationalquote

Send me your email here, to receive my FREE booklet,

Joyce Weiss | Career Coach | Corporate Communication Strategist19 Powerful Actions to Achieve Your Personal & Professional Goals

Until next time,
Joyce Weiss, Career Coach and Communication Strategist

Have a great week!

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How to Deal with Negativity in the Workplace

Negativity in the workplace is a constant discussion in every consulting or coaching assignment of mine.

  • Have you wondered how to deal with that negative employee or customer?
  • Have you wondered how to successfully communicate to the negative person without a lot of drama?

If so – this article is just for you!

Negativity in the workplace strategy #1:  It’s our responsibility to start the conversation

My message is very clear on this topic:

Everyone is responsible for the morale of the team – not just leaders.  Both leaders and employees need to speak to negative people about how the negativity impacts morale in the office.

Negativity in the workplace strategy #2:  Five important words negativity in the workplace

You will read a phrase that I write in every article – “You get what you tolerate!”

If you are tired of the negativity and you don’t say anything – You get what you tolerate!  You need to do something for things to change.

Negativity in the workplace strategy #3:  Focus on the positive

I’m sure you know people who train their brain to focus only on negative things. Constant complaining stops problem-solving & perpetuates a culture of being stuck and not moving forward.

I heard an interview with a pilot who flew with the blue angels. The blue angels fly their jets only 18 inches apart. The interviewer asked,” How do you do so well?” The pilot said, “We practice, practice, practice.” The interviewer asked, “Why don’t you crash?” The pilot responded, “We don’t practice crashing!”

Negativity in the workplace Strategy #4:  Control the conversation with negative people negativity in the workplace

Here’s an idea that can help you deal with those negatoids:

Forget about asking that person how he or she is doing. You will only get complaints about the weather, economy or traffic. Ask the negative person, “What is something good that happened to you today?” This idea forces the negative person to think of something different to say.  It takes discipline to focus on the good things!

More thoughts from Joyce

I hope that these strategies will help you deal with negativity in the workplace.

Learn more about how I help people and organizations turn around negativity in the workplace HERE.

If you enjoyed this information, you may also enjoy these articles:

Steps to Conflict Resolution When Dealing With Angry Clients

Do You Want to Turn Situations Around to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace?

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you deal with negativity in the workplace. What stories or expressions help you get through the stress? You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Knowledge Base Page Conflict in the Workplace here.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831