Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Improving Communication with a Challenging Colleague

I’m asked the following question during my corporate communication strategy sessions, “Is improving communication possible with someone who causes me such stress?”  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get along with a certain coworker. Maybe your personalities are just too different, or perhaps your work processes and preferences conflict. Despite this fact, you still have to work together—sometimes very closely—so it is important to establish a relationship of cooperation and respect.

But cooperation and respect can be hard to maintain. The key to improving communication is to get the other person to agree on this relationship goal and then work together to keep the cooperation and respect strong. Therefore, set up a meeting with the coworker who is troubling you and together answer these seven questions. With the insight you glean from the answers to these questions, you can move toward productive results.

Improving Communication Tip 1:  What is our main challenge?

You need to pinpoint what specifically keeps you from having a working relationship based on cooperation and improving communicationrespect. Does it have to do with work styles, personalities, ethnicity/cultural differences, etc.? You need to know what you must overcome before you can actually do it.

Improving Communication Tip 2:  How are we different?

Suppose that you figure out that your conflicting work styles cause the friction. The next step is to identify specifically how your work styles are different. For example, maybe you discover that while you prefer to have email communications, your coworker finds email cold and impersonal and wants face-to-face meetings. At this point, remember not to blame each other for the difference or defend yourself. You want to find how to capitalize on your differences.

Improving Communication Tip 3:  How are we the same?

Despite your differences, you likely have a few similarities. In fact, at one point in your history together, you probably did one project together—even a small one—well. What worked during that project? The key is for you to build off your similarities to establish cooperation and respect.

Improving Communication Tip 4:  What opportunities are within our reach?

In other words, if you work together, what can you accomplish together? This question gets you to think positively about the other person so you can have the motivation to work together in a way that fosters cooperation and respect.

Improving Communication Tip 5:  How can others in the department or company help us?communication strategy

Remember that you’re not alone. Others in your department or company want you to develop mutual cooperation and respect. Identify who those people are and get their input.

Improving Communication Tip 6:  How can we communicate with each other better?

To work on your relationship, try spending some time together. This does not mean hanging out together on weekends. It simply means for you to go to lunch together periodically or agree to meet for 20 minutes every Monday to review weekly goals. Do something to get the dialog started.

Improving Communication Tip 7:  How can we amaze ourselves?

Determine what would be an amazing experience for the two of you working together. Describe it in great detail. Use that vision to guide your future working efforts. Before you know it, you’ll have a solid base of cooperation and respect from which to build.

I want to hear from you

Send me your questions or comments on a communication challenge that you’re having with a colleague.  Let me know strategies you used by improving communication with a difficult colleague.
You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my loyal readers! 🙂

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of communication, leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization experience my customized workshops here.

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

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5 Easy Steps to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Resolving conflict in the workplace is usually a huge concern in any company or group situation, conflicts are bound to happen. When two or more people with varying personalities work together, communication differences, work style preferences, and conflicting opinions are inevitable. The key is to be able to overcome any differences so everyone stays productive and the organization excels.  It’s not easy to do yet it is possible.

How about discussions on politics?  I will not cover this conflict since people don’t know how to control their anger when discussing politics with someone who has an opposing opinion.  Does this happen in your family too? 🙂

My coaching clients use these five steps to reduce conflict in the workplace whenever interpersonal conflict arises during tough conversations.  They’ll save you both time and headaches. A true benefit is that you will even gain control back with difficult people.  I hope you are eager how you can make this happen.

Conflict in the Workplace Strategy #1:  Identify the Situation

While this step may seem obvious, you need to remember to think in specifics. Simply saying, “The marketing department drives me crazy with their ‘pie in the sky’ thinking,” will not help you resolve the issue. You need to precisely pinpoint who is causing the conflict as well as what he or she does that upsets you.

Conflict in the Workplace Strategy #2:  Make an Appointment to Discuss the Conflict conflict in the workplace

Once you’ve figured out the specifics, you need to meet with the person. Go to his or her office and say, “I need to talk to you about our working relationship. Would you be willing to meet me for lunch on Thursday?” Whatever you do, don’t barge into the person’s office and start accusing him or her of things. You want to meet the person in a public area so the conversation stays civil.

Conflict in the Workplace Strategy #3:  Craft your “I” message

The first few words you say to the person will set the tone for the rest of the meeting. Therefore, make sure you don’t accuse the person or put him or her on the defensive by using “you” statements, as in, “You are always late for work and you’re making my job very hard.” Instead, follow this formula:

I am ______________ when ____________ because _____________.
(your responsibility)         (non-judgmental)                 (how it affects you)

For example, “I am frustrated when the team agreed to be punctual for our morning meetings because people are breaking this rule.  People who are on time are upset and this is affecting the team morale.” This approach takes the attention away from the person and focuses it on the behavior that is causing conflict.

Conflict in the Workplace Strategy #4:  Set your Goal

conflict in the workplaceThink of what the other person will say and what you will say in response. Additionally, plan the desired changes you would like to see the other person implement. Don’t forget that no conflict is one-sided. You must look at the other person’s side of things and find out what you can do to make work easier for him or her too.

Conflict in the Workplace Strategy #5:  Get closure

Before leaving the meeting, detail the specific agreements both parties have made. Shake hands, and then choose a date and time that you’ll meet again to evaluate overall progress.

Conflicts don’t have to be ugly situations that cause grief and pain. Anyone can resolve conflicts by being Direct with Respect® and by keeping an open mind. The more you work toward resolving conflict in the workplace, the more successful you’ll be in business and in life.

You may even resolve those family discussions about NOT discussing politics when the anger starts making family members feel uncomfortable! 😊

I want to hear from you

Send me your questions or comments on what is and what is not working when conflict is an issue at work.  Does leadership promote resolving the conflict or hope that it will disappear?  You’ll receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my loyal readers! 🙂

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

PS  Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Knowledge Base Page conflict in the workplace Here.

LEARN MORE how Joyce can help your company eliminate destructive conflict in the workplace Here.

 

 

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Why Conflict in The Workplace Research Matters: Part One

Do you compare your conflict in the workplace with colleagues or family members?
Would you like to find out what keeps your peers up at night?
Do you want to be a fly on the wall when I interview clients about their stress?

If so, the next few articles are for you.  They contain information I gathered from recent workshops on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace.  Let me know your specific stress so I can write about topics that fit your needs.

Conflict in the Workplace for Individual Employees

I asked the following questions to individual employees:

  • What do you need to improve your quality of life and working conditions?
  • What are frustrations that you experience?
  • How would you rate your level of being heard at meetings?
  • How does the company address conflict in the workplace?

These are some of their answers:

  • Spend more time with my family.
  • We are doing way too much and the quality is suffering.
  • I’m not heard at meetings.
  • I tried to share ideas and was shut down so I just sit there.

Solutions to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace for Individual Employees

1. Spend more time with family.
Give suggestions to management about what other companies are doing to help employees balance work and home.
Discuss the option of working from home 1-2 days a week.
Find on-line stress management programs.
Bring in a local speaker during lunch and learn programs.

2.  We are doing way too much and the quality suffers.
Give management suggestions on better ways to save time.
Check out the MI LEAN Consortium for resources on productivity.

3.  I’m not heard at meetings.
Let’s start with the obvious-make sure and speak loud enough to be heard.
If possible look at the meeting agenda and think about solutions to company challenges.

4.  I tried to share ideas but was shut down so I just sit there.
The following strategy may work if you have a good working relationship with your boss.
“I don’t want to be insubordinate.  I do want to discuss a concern of mine.
I was embarrassed when my ideas were strongly rejected at the meeting because it seems like some management doesn’t want our feedback.”

Let’s Get Real About Conflict in the Workplace

The comments above are typical of many of my clients.

All levels of an organization share their frustration and they want to resolve this conflict in the workplace.  The challenge arises when there is no trust or employees attempt to convey ideas to their leaders and nothing changes.

Stay tuned.  The next few articles will contain information I gathered about managers and senior level executives.  I promise to cover solutions to many of these frustrations.

Watch my video on Working with a Bad Boss

I want to hear from you

Send me an Email with your questions or comments on your frustrations and conflict in the workplace. You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my loyal readers!  🙂

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.
Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

LEARN MORE how Joyce can help your company eliminate destructive conflict in the workplace here.

 

This is Joyce Weiss, Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

 

 

 

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Powerful Leadership Skills to Build Trust at Work

Effective CommunicationDo you want to improve your leadership skills and communication?

Is your team disengaged?

Do employees push back?

Are you rescuing employees instead of having them take care of their own conflict at work?

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them –
Ernest Hemingway

This article covers frustrations that my clients experience at work. I interview clients before each coaching program or workshop and specific patterns are apparent.

What are Some Leadership Frustrations?


Top level leaders are exhausted because they are taking over the responsibility from their directors or managers who are not having tough conversations with their team.

The same communication issues occur and nothing seems to get resolved.

Why Does This Happen?

As you know many managers/directors are not trained sufficiently on how to deal with tough conversations. The untrained managers know their job responsibilities. Employee push-back, gossip or any conflict are all issues that they want their boss to resolve.

How Can Top Managers Improve their Leadership Skills?

Top level leaders must have that tough conversation even if their senior staff pushes back and says, “I’m too busy to have productive conversations with employees.” Everyone is busy. It’s the responsibility of upper management to empower the entire team so they feel safe and to solve their own “drama” with bullies, narcissists, or low productive employees. At times leaders need to help managers or team members if a resolution is not found.

Specifically, What Can You DO to Change?

Stop rescuing your team by taking over their job responsibilities especially if your communication skills are excellent. This is your time to train managers and directors to do this on their own. You may think that I’m sounding like MRS. Tough Gal. I’m not. I hear complaints daily about employee morale and some leaders are in a rut and continue this same pattern.

Whose Responsibility is it Anyway?

Everyone’s – not just top leaders, the entire team. It will take you longer to resolve this conflict in the workplace if there’s no trust or lack of training programs. But it’s solvable. Recognize that there is a conflict with communication in your organization and do something immediately.

What Resources Do You Have for Us to Improve Our Leadership Skills?

I want to hear from you

Send me an E-mail describing the frustrations and stress that you experience at work with colleagues or leaders?

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts to reduce conflict and improve leadership skills.

This is Joyce Weiss, Executive and Career Coach

Please visit our FAQ page to discover how our services can help your improve your organization’s communication?

Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

PS. Read my article on How to Set Boundaries at Work

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Strategic Communications: Disarm Tough Conversations

Have you been involved in difficult conversations when you wished you had strategic communications skills in your tool box?

Do you want to stop making others feel defensive while giving them constructive feedback? 

If so, Great!  This article will give you 5 strategies to use the next time you are in these complex situations. We’ve all dealt with people who become defensive.  How you react can influence your future relationship with this person.

Strategic Communications #1- Understand Your Role

  1. When someone responds defensively to you, ask yourself,“What did I just do to cause that defensive reaction?”
  1. Whenever someone says or does something that causes you to become defensive, ask yourself, “What did that person do to cause that reaction from me?”

Strategic Communications #2 – Use Constructive Feedback Wisely

Constructive feedback is a gift that you give to people you truly care about.  This statement is hard for some people to grasp.  Think about a time when someone gave you feedback in a constructive way.  What did you learn from this experience?  Use that knowledge to help your coworkers.  

Strategic Communications # 3 – Disarm Toxic Comments

The next time you’re confronted with a toxic comment, be prepared!  Pretend you’re in their situation. Figure out why they are behaving this way.  This helps us respond, not react.  Ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were in their shoes?”  We can’t put our head on their shoulders.

Strategic Communications #4 – Know How to React

If the toxic comment were delivered as constructive criticism, would there be any truth to it?  If so, how will you react?

  • Don’t explain or defend yourself when something goes wrong.
  • Acknowledge, apologize and act – versus explain.  Explanations come across as excuses. 
  • Agree if what they say is somewhat true. 
  • Don’t blame it on someone else, even when you know who made the mistake.

Strategic Communications # 5 – Know What NOT to Do

When people give feedback, they do it to influence future behavior – not to change the past.  Though it may be difficult to hear, try to listen and:

  1. Don’t defend yourself
  2. Don’t deny responsibility
  3. Don’t counter attack
  4. Don’t withdraw

I want to hear from you!

CLICK HERE to send me your questions about your communication issues at work. How do you react when someone pushes you?  What have your learned about yourself when you have pushed others?  Understanding these reactions will improve your communication skills and take you to the next level in your career development.

CLICK HERE if you want more ideas on how to improve your career and working condition by signing up for Tips2BeHappy.com.  You will receive weekly strategies to put to use immediately.

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist and Coach

I share powerful techniques on tackling tough conversations to build employee engagement, accountability, and improve my client’s quality of life.

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, and on line professional growth coaching.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831