Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Do You Work with a Jerk?  Here is a Tip That You Can Use: Story #3

This is the 3rd article on the topic Working With a Jerk.  There will be more stories like this because my readers have been sending me private messages describing their experiences.  I have enough examples to cover 6 months of articles! 

Here are the links for those who didn’t see the previous articles in the series:

Stop the Rudeness in Your Life:  How to Deal with Jerks #1

Stop Your Self-Doubt with Jerks: #2

Are you ready for this week’s true story?  I hope so because it is another unbelievable one.

Do You Work with a Jerk?:  The Story

Janis and her mom (Pat) work together in a mid-sized company.  Jim is a colleague of theirs and is known for his sarcastic and biting words.  Janis, Pat, and Jim were talking at lunch. And Jim pointed his finger at Janis and said,  “Janis your haircut suits you.  Additionally, your outfit is very professional – not like your mom’s wardrobe.” 

Did you catch your breath?  Yes, this really did happen.

Here are Four Questions if You Work for a Jerk:work for a jerk

  1. What would you say to Jim if you were Janis?

  2. How would you communicate to Jim if you were Janis’s mother?

  3. What would you say to Jim if you were Jim’s boss and heard this interaction?

  4. What story do you have about working for a jerk? 

Please add your comments in the comment section.  Additionally, you can send me a private email

Joyce, How Would You Handle This when You Work with a Jerk? work for a jerk

If I were Janis I would step back after the shock wore off and say something to Jim.  We don’t always have to respond immediately. Delaying our words is a great strategy at times. It is smart to back off and create a  plan.  “I was caught off guard” is my favorite phrase to use when I speak to someone the next day. 

“Jim, I was caught off guard when I heard those mean comments about my mom. Especially, when she was standing right next to us.  My mom and I were surprised by such insensitive words. I’m curious if you are aware of how these negative comments came across. The next time you want to speak to us, make sure and think before you speak” 

This way you are setting up a boundary for Jim, and “hopefully” he will respond differently before he opens up his mouth again.  If he repeats his insensitive comments, I would do my best to stay away from him.  He will probably choose someone else to ridicule.

Let’s Stay Connected

Please share your thoughts about this week’s post. How does it resonate with you?
You can share your thoughts in the comment section or send me a private email HERE.

Here are the links for those who didn’t see the previous articles in the series:

Stop the Rudeness in Your Life:  How to Deal with Jerks #1

Stop Your Self-Doubt with Jerks: #2

Until Next Time,

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP
Communication Coach & Queen of Conflict Resolution

P.S. Please share this post on your social media. As a result, other growth-minded people can reduce their high drama and inner stress.

P.P.S. I’m the Human Resource Professional’s Partner. I coach employees and managers to feel comfortable using their voice without losing their cool – so they feel heard and respected.

P.P.P.S Are you {or your direct reports} ready to explore working with me as your private coach?  It’s easy and fits anyone’s budget and schedule.
Call me at 248.681.5831 or send an email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com for a Free 20 – minute discovery call.

 

 

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My Favorite Conflict Resolution Skill to Use with Bullies

  • Do you want to use my favorite conflict resolution skill to gain control during tough conversations?
  • Are you ready to learn or relearn a communication strategy to use with bullies or others who push you?
  • If so, you are in the right place at this very moment. 😊

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Conflict Resolution Skill #1:  Verbal Aikido

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a conflict resolution skill that won’t get you fired.

Conflict Resolution Skill:  A Definition of Verbal Aikido

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to conflict resolution skillcounter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Conflict Resolution Skill:  Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of this powerful conflict resolution skill is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

Stay Connected with Me

  • Add a comment to my blog on how you deal with bullies.
  • What stories or expressions help you?
  • You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂
  • You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work. more read here.

Please contact me at my cell 248.310.6998 or 800.713.1926 to explore how executive or career coaching could be a great action step for your career development. There are many options to fit your budget and time schedule!   My last 4 clients have asked me to help them feel more comfortable with their virtual training on zoom. They all knew that their meetings were boring and wanted to change this.  It only takes a few sessions to make this happen.  Hey, what can I say?  I’m quick and clients use their new virtual learning skills immediately.  A win/win for all.  🙂

Isn’t amazing how much drama occurs in the workplace?  It’s like it has it’s own reality TV show! 
If you can relate, it’s costing you BIG time!  I specialize in supporting  frustrated emerging leaders and business professions to kick conflict to the curb to get the respect and peace they deserve!

Find your voice with Joyce!

I would love to work with you!

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

Until next time, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Queen of Conflict Resolution

Have a great week.

Rememer, You Get What You Tolerate!

 

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Video #7: Verbal Aikido to Stop Bullies from Making You Feel Defensive

#bulliesintheworkplace #coach #verbalaikido

I have an important question for you:
Do you want to add an easy strategy in your tool-box to gain control with difficult people and bullies in the workplace?

Welcome to video #7 in the series “Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace”:  Verbal Aikido to gain control with bullies and difficult people. Today I’ll share how you can pull back when others push you with their negativity

Bullies in the Workplace Strategy #1:  At Times we Need to Bully the Bully

You heard me right.  Bullies admire those who speak with strength and don’t let bullies get away with their negative behavior. bullies in the workplace

Here’s an example I used with my coaching client who was tired of feeling defensive all the time when a bully constantly pushed her.

The bully said, “All our managers don’t know anything about how hard it is to work with our demanding clients.”  My client used to push back by saying, “How can you say that?” – pushing back.  She learned this new approach below after only a couple of sessions.

She agreed with the bully.  For example, “You’re right.  We may not understand how tough it is with these unhappy clients – please let me know how we can support your efforts.” This is an example of Verbal Aikido.  Pulling back and not pushing back.  I always say that it’s a huge risk using these strategies with bullies.  I also know that when it works out, it’s worth the risk.

Stay tuned for more examples of how clients gained control by using verbal aikido.

Bullies in the Workplace Strategy #2:  Work with a Communication Strategist

You may be ready or you know someone who wants to explore working with a career coach or communication strategist to go deep and bullies in the workplaceresolve communication challenges with difficult people or bullies in the workplace.  If you want to explore options working with me as your private coach or anyone who you feel could benefit from a few sessions – call me at 800.713.1926.  We will send you a new brochure that describes how coaching could be a good next step.

Find your voice with Joyce

Do you know how your communication impacts your success at work?  Take the FREE Communication assessment HERE and you will receive your scores immediately.  I will send you an email after you take the assessment with ideas that you can use to improve your communication skills.

Let’s connect on LinkedIn HERE.  You will find my article on Verbal Aikido on my LinkedIn profile HERE

Until next time,
Joyce Weiss, M.A. CSP
Career Coach and Communication Strategist

Have a great week
Remember…you get what you tolerate!

 

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Video 6: Changing our Attitudes to Protect Ourselves from Bullies in the Workplace

Does your attitude affect how you deal or don’t deal with bullies in the workplace?

Welcome to video #6 in the series “Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace.”  This week’s post and video describe how our attitude affects our communication when we deal with bullies.  I know this is nothing new!  It’s all about attitude!

The better we feel about ourselves, the fewer times we have to knock someone down in order to feel tall!
Odetta, American Singer, and Actor
I would like to give bullies Odetta’s quote – wouldn’t you?

Strategy #1:  How Your Attitude Affects Your Interactions with Bullies

One of my coaching clients practiced how to make conversations safe with me before he had the tough conversation.  His bully actually listened to him after the interaction.  This bully was not aware that his words hurt others.  No one had the nerve to speak with him.  My client did and the bully now has respect for him.  Instead of saying, “Why do you like insulting our team members?”  He changed this to, “Let’s all discuss how we can communicate better with everyone on our team.”  The bully was included in the conversation and the team opened up with solid solutions and deep conversations.  A win/win was the result.

Strategy #2:  How Your Attitude Affects Your Interactions with Bullies

What can you do?

  • Stop complaining about the bully to others
  • Create a plan
  • Go to leadership
  • Practice the communication skills that you learned in the seriesYou can search for the entire series – Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace on the links below:
    LinkedIn, My YouTube Channel or This Blog:

Here’s a disclaimer!  It’s always a risk to have tough conversations.  At least you tried!  You didn’t stand still and take the constant sarcasm or criticism from this difficult person.

I want to Hear From You

Add a comment to my blog on how you deal with negative people on your team.  What stories or expressions help you?  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Stay Connected with Joyce

Click the link for more information on how I can help you and your team with bullies in the workplace,
Please contact me at 800.713.1926 to explore how career coaching could be a great action step for your career development.
There are many options to fit your budget and time schedule! 🙂

Send me an email
I will send you an article on Wave Goodbye to Workplace Feuds.

 

Until next time,

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Career Coach and Communication Strategist

I hope you have a great week!

 

 

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Video #5: The GAP and Triggers to Protect Yourself From Bullies in the Workplace

#bulliesintheworkplace #bullies #coach #coachingworks #bullyingprevention #bullyvideo

Do you know how to control yourself when bullies in the workplace push your hot buttons?

Welcome to the series Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the  Workplace.  This video gives you 2 strategies on how to protect yourself from bullies.

If you missed any of the previous videos, please click the links below:

Intro Video to Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace
Video #1:  Facts about Bullies in the Workplace
Video #2:  Are you a Target for a Bully
Video #3:  Why Bullying Happens
Video #4:  Does Your Organization Handle Bullies?

Bullies in the Workplace Strategy #1:  Use the GAP bullies in the workplace

  • The GAP helps us make a choice on how we react
  • It’s a space that we give ourselves to think about our response before we open our mouth
  • Get into the GAP instead of automatically responding
  • Recognize when you are angry and get into the GAP
  • Separate yourself from the criticism
  • Don’t take it personally

Bullies in the Workplace Strategy #2:  Know your Triggers

  • Be aware of who sets you off
  • People do irritating things because that’s who they are – not because of who we are
  • Prepare yourself before you see your trigger who drives you crazy
  • Remind yourself that you don’t have to push back
  • You can decide how to react

More Thoughts from Joyce

The GAP and knowing your TRIGGERS are 2 powerful strategies that get me through many professional and personal gatherings.
There are certain people who drive me crazy.  I am human! 🙂  I know who these people are and prepare myself to leave the conversation earlier than I did before and take a deep breath to remind myself that I don’t need to get sucked into their negativity.  Clients thank me for these 2 ideas since they work!

Please contact me at 800.713.1926 to explore options for working with me as your private coach.  Find your voice with Joyce is one of our new taglines.

Discover blind spots and how your communication impacts the success of your career.  All sessions are conducted on the phone to fit your schedule and budget.  The good news is that it usually only takes a few sessions to improve your communication skills.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you control bullies or questions on how to control your bully. What stories or expressions help you get through the stress? You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Please visit my YouTube channel or connect with me on LinkedIn where I have posted numerous stories about having tough conversations with difficult people.

This is Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Career Coach and Communication Strategist

 

Have a great week.

Until next time, remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

If you missed any of the previous videos in the series, please click the links below:

Intro Video to Protecting Yourself from Bullies in the Workplace
Video #1:  Facts about Bullies in the Workplace
Video #2:  Are you a Target for a Bully
Video #3:  Why Bullying Happens
Video #4:  Does Your Organization Handle Bullies?

 

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831