Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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March 20, 2018 By Joyce Weiss Leave a Comment

Controlling Stress: Go From Fear to In-Gear

This week’s blog is taken from my book-Take the Ride of Your Life:  Shift Gears for More Balance, Growth, and Joy.  Chapter 1 is called-Controlling Stress-Go From Fear to In-Gear:  I’m Afraid to Take Off the Training Wheels. The story below is one of my favorites when I work with clients who are going through hard times. controlling stress

Long ago in a faraway land, brutal warlords ravaged the countryside. They took over the villages, ruining the lives of the farmers who lived there. There was one farmer who still had some land. He also had a son and he owned a horse.

Every evening the neighbors gathered to console each other. They looked at the farmer with envy and said, “You have such good luck. Everything good happens to you.” The farmer simply shrugged his shoulders, and said, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

One day the farmer’s horse ran off and disappeared. That same day, the warlords rode into the village and killed all the other farmers’ horses. The neighbors looked at the farmer and said, “You have such good luck.” The farmer replied, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

A few days later the farmer’s horse returned. His son was happy to see the horse. He jumped up on the horse’s back and galloped off for a ride. Suddenly, the horse tripped over a rock. The son fell off the horse and broke his leg.

The warlords soon returned and demanded the villagers’ able-bodied sons for a battle. As the sons were marched away, the villagers looked at the farmer and said, “You have such good luck. Your son was of no use to the warriors and his broken leg. ” The farmer shrugged his shoulders and said, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

Let’s Get Real About Controlling Stress

You can either be like the farmer or his neighbors. The farmer realizes that things happen in life. We can’t label them good or bad right away. We have to give life a chance. The neighbors, on the other hand, are too ready to take on the role of victim. No matter what happens, they feel they are on the losing end of any situation and that there is nothing they can do about it. They don’t know how to “look” for other perspectives, other ways of seeing and living.

We can accept the things that happen to us without labeling them good or bad, lucky or unlucky. Losing a job, for example, may seem bad at the time. New and exciting opportunities, however, can arise from this circumstance. It can turn out for the best — if you maintain a positive attitude. It’s not what happens that shapes us; it’s how we react to it.

Controlling Stress:  Do you have a PO approach to life? controlling stress

I’m not just talking about attitude or a positive outlook, but rather an action, the courage to “pedal on” when stressful things happen. In bicycle terms, it means taking off the training wheels and facing your fear. It’s
what helps you really get rolling whether you think you’re ready or not.

When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard,” I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?” Human experience would lose something very important if there were no roadblocks to overcome.

The journey would not be half so wonderful if there were no steep hills to climb or the thrill of the wind in your face as you cruise down the other side.
Still, it is tough to stay upbeat in these chaotic times. That’s why “pedaling on” is a necessary survival skill.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you control stress. What stories or expressions help you get through stressful times? You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Here’s a special offer to my readers Controlling Stress| Joyce Weiss | Workplace Bullying | Conflict in the Workplace | Team Building | Executive Coaching | Career Coach | Personal Life Coach | Professional Development Workshops

Buy a copy of Take the Ride of Your Life and I’ll send you a 2nd book with my compliments to give to a friend or colleague for free.  You will receive 2 autographed copies.  I will write, “A gift to you from ____” on the free copy.  Sound good?  Visit my shopping cart and send me an email with your friend’s name.  I will send both copies to you for only $19.95

You can also call me at 800.713.1926 to place your order.

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

Filed Under: Articles on Stress, Internal stress
Tagged With: controlling stress, resolve conflict and interpersonal issues

November 6, 2017 By Joyce Weiss Leave a Comment

Life Coaching Strategies to Set Boundaries at Home and Work

Life coaching strategies are something that we can all use in our life – especially when it’s about setting boundaries to balance our hectic life.

Do you have colleagues or loved ones that use a lot of your time talking and talking while you are in the middle of something important?  If so, this article will give you some ideas on how to take charge of this stressful situation.

Do you have a tough time saying, “no” to others who ask you to volunteer since you are the “right person” to help them with a project?  If so, you will find out how easy it is to say, “no” without sounding aggressive.

Enjoy the life coaching strategies article and please let me know your boundary issues at work and home.  I will ask you to share these with me at the end of the article.

Life Coaching Strategies #1:  Learn the Power of Boundaries

You’re invited to be on the PTA!  You’re such a great baker; “We need your help with the bake sale!”
A co-worker needs your help with a work project!  You have no time and you don’t want to disappoint people who have such high regard for you.

It feels good when people ask us to do things we’re good at. Our egos are stroked. We like it when other people can count on us.  We also need to stop ourselves when people ask us to help them when our lives are out of whack!  Stop and remind yourself that it’s ok to take care of you or your family and not save the world 24 hours a day.

Life Coaching Strategies #2:  Remember Boundaries from Your Past

We had boundaries as kids such as – “Come home when the streetlights come on. No TV until your homework is completed.”

Too often, though, we don’t set them for ourselves as adults.

Think about recent commitments and make a list of duties you wish you had said, “no” to.  This can help you prepare a response for the next time.  Firmly enforce your boundaries. If you set boundaries and people still take advantage, it’s your fault for not taking care of your own time restrictions.

Remember, “You get what you tolerate.”

Life Coaching Strategies #3:  The Power of Family Boundaries

Shannon, a busy working mother, wanted to return to school to earn her degree. She knew the extra hours would life coaching strategiesaffect her family, so she called a family meeting.  She explained it was a two-year commitment.  Her kids would need to make their own lunches and life might be a little more stressful for a while.

The payoff was a better job for Shannon, allowing the family to have money for the vacation they wanted, or for her kids to attend college.  They agreed to her plan. To this day, when they complain, she reminds them about the family meeting.  This worked out for Shannon because she was focused and spoke about short-term stresses for her and the family.

Life Coaching Strategies #4:  The Power of Work Boundaries

Do you have a co-worker who stops by your desk, seeking help for her or his projects and leaving you with less time for your own?  Use ‘I’ language to deflect them.  For example, “I’m frustrated because I’d love to help you out.  I have a deadline on this project.” Or set a time limit:  “I can give you five minutes because I need to leave at 3:00 for my daughter’s soccer game.”

Life Coaching Strategies #5:  Friendship Boundaries

What about that friend whose number on your caller ID makes you Life coaching strategiesgroan?  These energy vampires are talkaholics, and it’s all about them and what they need.  You don’t have to pick up the phone. Or you can say up front, “I’m tied up this week; I’ll be glad to call you back or email you.”

Let’s Get Real

We encounter demands for our time and energy from many directions.  When those demands become too much, the continual stress can lead to an array of health problems.  Create and enforce boundaries to help manage your stress levels, and you will feel better about the commitments you make.

It can mean a longer, healthier, happier life.

 I want to hear from you

Send me what boundaries you set for yourself at home or work.  What boundary issues do you need to control?  You know I answer all comments and questions.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and quality of life.

Until next time,
Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

PS Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of communication and coaching experience to help you or your organization address life coaching strategies here.

Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Life Coaching Strategies Knowledge Base

 

 

Filed Under: Facts about Stress, Internal stress, Work Life Balance Articles
Tagged With: doing more with less, Life Prioritization, work stress

September 10, 2017 By Joyce Weiss Leave a Comment

Conflict Resolution Techniques to Ditch Negative People

Conflict resolution techniques help my clients cope especially when they are surrounded by complainers and the other usual negative suspects.

Below you will find two of my favorite expressions that I share with my clients who want to ditch negative people in their life.
1.  Don’t walk away from grumpy people, RUN!
2. Resolving conflict is like riding a bike:  Shift gears to successfully navigate life’s potholes, ruts, and obstacles.

This article contains three conflict resolution techniques that I use in my coaching sessions to help clients protect themselves from those toxic downers.

Conflict Resolution Techniques #1:  Protecting Yourself

Write the name of a person who brings you down. Plan to protect yourself from this person’s negativity.  Take back your power. Only you can make yourself feel insecure.  Tell yourself that no one makes you feel inferior without your consent.

Conflict Resolution Techniques #2:  Finding People Who Appreciate You

Make a list of people who you like being around.  Replace people who pull you down with people who encourage and appreciate you. The choice, in many cases, is up to you.  They may be your colleagues who support your efforts at work or friends who like you for your unique style.

Identify cheerleaders in your life. Notice what they do to encourage you. Let them know how they have impacted your life.

Conflict Resolution Techniques #3:  Preparing a Response to Stop Negatoids

Notice the people in your life who are raining on your parade, who tell you something can’t be done or that’s impossible. Give them plenty of space, with a suggestion such as “Don’t’ tell me it’s impossible until after I’ve done it!”

Let the cynics and downers spin themselves into their own negative web. They delight in complaining while others are doing what seemed impossible.

“Happy people feel that they can direct the course of their own lives and get where they are going, even though the going may be rough. People who are obsessed with their mistakes, who are stuck on the missed opportunities of the past, have no time to be happy. The past is unchangeable. Trying to change it is the source of most unhappiness.”

Sherwin T. Wine, Founder, The Center for New Thinking

I want to hear from you

Send me your questions or comments here on how you cope with negative people at work or home.  This is a challenge for all of us and there is always hope when we gain control from these toxic people.
You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my loyal readers! 🙂

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Knowledge Base Page Conflict in the Workplace Here.

This is Joyce Weiss, Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

LEARN MORE how Joyce can help your company eliminate destructive conflict in the workplace here.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Dealing with Complainers, Internal stress
Tagged With: resolve conflict and interpersonal issues, stress relief exercises

July 23, 2017 By Joyce Weiss Leave a Comment

Why Conflict in The Workplace Research Matters: Part One

Do you compare your conflict in the workplace with colleagues or family members?
Would you like to find out what keeps your peers up at night?
Do you want to be a fly on the wall when I interview clients about their stress?

If so, the next few articles are for you.  They contain information I gathered from recent workshops on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace.  Let me know your specific stress so I can write about topics that fit your needs.

Conflict in the Workplace for Individual Employees

I asked the following questions to individual employees:

  • What do you need to improve your quality of life and working conditions?
  • What are frustrations that you experience?
  • How would you rate your level of being heard at meetings?
  • How does the company address conflict in the workplace?

These are some of their answers:

  • Spend more time with my family.
  • We are doing way too much and the quality is suffering.
  • I’m not heard at meetings.
  • I tried to share ideas and was shut down so I just sit there.

Solutions to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace for Individual Employees

1. Spend more time with family.
Give suggestions to management about what other companies are doing to help employees balance work and home.
Discuss the option of working from home 1-2 days a week.
Find on-line stress management programs.
Bring in a local speaker during lunch and learn programs.

2.  We are doing way too much and the quality suffers.
Give management suggestions on better ways to save time.
Check out the MI LEAN Consortium for resources on productivity.

3.  I’m not heard at meetings.
Let’s start with the obvious-make sure and speak loud enough to be heard.
If possible look at the meeting agenda and think about solutions to company challenges.

4.  I tried to share ideas but was shut down so I just sit there.
The following strategy may work if you have a good working relationship with your boss.
“I don’t want to be insubordinate.  I do want to discuss a concern of mine.
I was embarrassed when my ideas were strongly rejected at the meeting because it seems like some management doesn’t want our feedback.”

Let’s Get Real About Conflict in the Workplace

The comments above are typical of many of my clients.

All levels of an organization share their frustration and they want to resolve this conflict in the workplace.  The challenge arises when there is no trust or employees attempt to convey ideas to their leaders and nothing changes.

Stay tuned.  The next few articles will contain information I gathered about managers and senior level executives.  I promise to cover solutions to many of these frustrations.

Watch my video on Working with a Bad Boss

I want to hear from you

Send me an Email with your questions or comments on your frustrations and conflict in the workplace. You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my loyal readers!  🙂

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.
Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

LEARN MORE how Joyce can help your company eliminate destructive conflict in the workplace here.

 

This is Joyce Weiss, Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Articles on Stress, Conflict in the Workplace, Internal stress
Tagged With: Communication, employee morale, resolve conflict and interpersonal issues

January 29, 2017 By Joyce Weiss Leave a Comment

Bullying Strategies Video to Improve Personal Relationships

Bullying Strategies is a topic that my clients constantly ask me to speak about to improve morale.  Sure bullies exist in the workplace.  My question is do you deal with a bully who happens to be your friend or relative?  If so the video and article below will give you 5 strategies to help you gain more control. You will learn how to deal with a bully who may be in your personal life.  Are you ready for 5 strategies to help you gain back control and most importantly…your respect?  These strategies will support you especially when there are disagreements about politics.

Bullying  Strategies #1:  Make the conversation safe

Start out the conversation with the bully by using “I don’t want to…I do want to…”
“I don’t want to create stress between us.
I do want to have an open and honest conversation with you.”

Bullying Strategies #2:  Use the power talk formula

“I was upset at the party when I was attacked in a critical tone of voice because I was sharing my opinion.  I was pushed and became defensive.  I was caught off guard and thought about what happened later on in the evening.  Friends don’t judge friends.  We all disagree at times and that’s what makes our relationships stronger.”

Bullying Strategies #3:  Be specific describing the bullying behavior

At times people are not aware when they roll their eyes or sound judgmental.  There are times when they know exactly how they are acting! This is the time in the conversation that you give details on the bullying behavior that caused you to become defensive.

Bullying Strategies #4:  If necessary talk about blind spots

If the person denies his or her actions, this is the time for you to talk about blind spots.  Tread carefully with this strategy.  This is an advanced coaching skill that can either bring you success or failure depending on how you spin this part of the discussion.  It’s a great tool to use when the other person is open to your feedback.  Don’t use this when he or she comes defensive and starts closing down.

I feel it’s worth the risk because this is when you can go deeper into the conversation.

Bullying Strategies #5:  Try to remember that it’s usually a weakness of the bully when he or she attacks

It usually has nothing to do with the target.  You can even ask the bully if he or she is ok since you have never experienced this behavior in the past from this person.  This will take the focus off of you.  The bully may open up or not.  The main idea is that you expressed your concern and stood up for yourself.

Thoughts from Joyce

Many of my clients share that they experience bullies more and more these days.  The good news is that there are many great books and resources on bullying.  Don’t let the bully harass you.  Set the stage immediately that the conversation will be safe, use be direct with respect®, be as detailed as possible to make your feedback clear, discuss blind spots if necessary, and remember that You Get What You Tolerate!

I want to hear from you!
CLICK HERE to send me your questions about bullies in your personal life.  Please share how you have resolved these issues.  

Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist and Coach
I look forward to helping my clients resolve their communication issues either at home or work.  The result is that they stop thinking about the stress at night and get a better night’s sleep! 🙂

READ HERE If you want to find out how about my services so I can help you or your team deal with bullies.

PS  Do you want to read previous articles on Bullying Strategies?
Read more Top Tips on Bullying in the Workplace and Home

Filed Under: Bullying videos, Internal stress, Personal Development
Tagged With: bullying at home or with friends, personal development

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Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831

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