Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Communication Strategist and Master Coach

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Controlling Stress: Go From Fear to In-Gear

This week’s blog is taken from my book-Take the Ride of Your Life:  Shift Gears for More Balance, Growth, and Joy.  Chapter 1 is called-Controlling Stress-Go From Fear to In-Gear:  I’m Afraid to Take Off the Training Wheels. The story below is one of my favorites when I work with clients who are going through hard times. controlling stress

Long ago in a faraway land, brutal warlords ravaged the countryside. They took over the villages, ruining the lives of the farmers who lived there. There was one farmer who still had some land. He also had a son and he owned a horse.

Every evening the neighbors gathered to console each other. They looked at the farmer with envy and said, “You have such good luck. Everything good happens to you.” The farmer simply shrugged his shoulders, and said, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

One day the farmer’s horse ran off and disappeared. That same day, the warlords rode into the village and killed all the other farmers’ horses. The neighbors looked at the farmer and said, “You have such good luck.” The farmer replied, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

A few days later the farmer’s horse returned. His son was happy to see the horse. He jumped up on the horse’s back and galloped off for a ride. Suddenly, the horse tripped over a rock. The son fell off the horse and broke his leg.

The warlords soon returned and demanded the villagers’ able-bodied sons for a battle. As the sons were marched away, the villagers looked at the farmer and said, “You have such good luck. Your son was of no use to the warriors and his broken leg. ” The farmer shrugged his shoulders and said, “Good luck, bad luck, who knows?”

Let’s Get Real About Controlling Stress

You can either be like the farmer or his neighbors. The farmer realizes that things happen in life. We can’t label them good or bad right away. We have to give life a chance. The neighbors, on the other hand, are too ready to take on the role of victim. No matter what happens, they feel they are on the losing end of any situation and that there is nothing they can do about it. They don’t know how to “look” for other perspectives, other ways of seeing and living.

We can accept the things that happen to us without labeling them good or bad, lucky or unlucky. Losing a job, for example, may seem bad at the time. New and exciting opportunities, however, can arise from this circumstance. It can turn out for the best — if you maintain a positive attitude. It’s not what happens that shapes us; it’s how we react to it.

Controlling Stress:  Do you have a PO approach to life? controlling stress

I’m not just talking about attitude or a positive outlook, but rather an action, the courage to “pedal on” when stressful things happen. In bicycle terms, it means taking off the training wheels and facing your fear. It’s
what helps you really get rolling whether you think you’re ready or not.

When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard,” I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?” Human experience would lose something very important if there were no roadblocks to overcome.

The journey would not be half so wonderful if there were no steep hills to climb or the thrill of the wind in your face as you cruise down the other side.
Still, it is tough to stay upbeat in these chaotic times. That’s why “pedaling on” is a necessary survival skill.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you control stress. What stories or expressions help you get through stressful times? You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Here’s a special offer to my readers Controlling Stress| Joyce Weiss | Workplace Bullying | Conflict in the Workplace | Team Building | Executive Coaching | Career Coach | Personal Life Coach | Professional Development Workshops

Buy a copy of Take the Ride of Your Life and I’ll send you a 2nd book with my compliments to give to a friend or colleague for free.  You will receive 2 autographed copies.  I will write, “A gift to you from ____” on the free copy.  Sound good?  Visit my shopping cart and send me an email with your friend’s name.  I will send both copies to you for only $19.95

You can also call me at 800.713.1926 to place your order.

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

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Add 26 Days to Your Year:  Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Reducing conflict in the workplace can add productive hours to your day.

“If only I had more hours in the day.” How many times have you uttered those words?
If you’re like most people, you either think it or say it daily.  The good news is that we all have more time accessible to us.  The bad news is that we often let others steal it from us.

Consider these statistics: International Communications Research in New York surveyed over 1,000 people on how many minutes per day they are interrupted by things that they don’t want to do (not including email).  Over 42 percent of those surveyed admit that they spend 100 minutes or more every day on interruptions.

This breaks down to the following:

100 minutes (1-2/3 hours) per day
11-2/3 hours per week
26 days per year
5 weeks of vacation

Surprising, isn’t it?  While you can’t make up for lost time, you can have more time to do what you want to do – starting today! The secret is to use Be Direct with Respect® principles.

Here’s how:

Be Direct with Respect Strategy #1 to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace conflict in the workplace

When someone asks, “Can I have five minutes of your time?” the natural response is to say, “Sure,” even though you really don’t have five minutes.  And you know those five minutes will grow into 15, 20, or even 30 minutes.

A better response is, “Sure, I’d love to help you.   Let me call you when I’m done with this project;  we can talk then.” You are still engaging the person, but you’re doing it on your terms and your timeline, not theirs.

Be Direct with Respect Strategy #2 to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace conflict in the workplace

When someone tries to start a friendly conversation with you or engage in small talk and you don’t have the time, the usual response is to stop what you’re doing and talk.  After all, you don’t want to be rude.

A better response is, “I’d love to hear more about your grandkids (or your new project, the new clients, etc.).
Right now I have a meeting (or a deadline to meet, a report to finish, a doctor’s appointment, etc.). Let’s talk about this later today when I’m available.” Again, it’s just a matter of redirecting the person to your timeline.

Be Direct with Respect Strategy #3 to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

What can you do when you are in a planned one-hour meeting with someone, the hour is almost up, and the other person shows no intention of leaving or ending the conversation? Do you let the meeting run over, and disrupt your entire day’s schedule?

A better approach is, “Our time is just about up. Why don’t we use the remaining few minutes to decide when we’ll meet again to complete this discussion?” At that point, the person may suddenly sum up all the key points. Then if additional time is needed,  you’re doing it according to your schedule.

Take Back Your Time to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

Being Direct with Respect is a skill that enables you to stop interruptions at work or home to accomplish necessary tasks.  It’s an art to tell others that you can’t take care of their needs immediately without sounding like a selfish person. When you’re Direct with Respect, you can do what you need and want to do and get the respect from others at the same time.

By developing these three Direct with Respect strategies, you can add 26 days to your year!

Read More to discover how to reduce conflict in the workplace.  We can work together to help YOU become a master communicator.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on what is and what is not working when you attempt to set boundaries with others.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict in the workplace, improve leadership skills and enhance their quality of life.

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of communication, leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization reduce conflict in the workplace HERE.

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

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Conflict Resolution Techniques to Ditch Negative People

Conflict resolution techniques help my clients cope especially when they are surrounded by complainers and the other usual negative suspects.

Below you will find two of my favorite expressions that I share with my clients who want to ditch negative people in their life.
1.  Don’t walk away from grumpy people, RUN!
2. Resolving conflict is like riding a bike:  Shift gears to successfully navigate life’s potholes, ruts, and obstacles.

This article contains three conflict resolution techniques that I use in my coaching sessions to help clients protect themselves from those toxic downers.

Conflict Resolution Techniques #1:  Protecting Yourself

Write the name of a person who brings you down. Plan to protect yourself from this person’s negativity.  Take back your power. Only you can make yourself feel insecure.  Tell yourself that no one makes you feel inferior without your consent.

Conflict Resolution Techniques #2:  Finding People Who Appreciate You

Make a list of people who you like being around.  Replace people who pull you down with people who encourage and appreciate you. The choice, in many cases, is up to you.  They may be your colleagues who support your efforts at work or friends who like you for your unique style.

Identify cheerleaders in your life. Notice what they do to encourage you. Let them know how they have impacted your life.

Conflict Resolution Techniques #3:  Preparing a Response to Stop Negatoids

Notice the people in your life who are raining on your parade, who tell you something can’t be done or that’s impossible. Give them plenty of space, with a suggestion such as “Don’t’ tell me it’s impossible until after I’ve done it!”

Let the cynics and downers spin themselves into their own negative web. They delight in complaining while others are doing what seemed impossible.

“Happy people feel that they can direct the course of their own lives and get where they are going, even though the going may be rough. People who are obsessed with their mistakes, who are stuck on the missed opportunities of the past, have no time to be happy. The past is unchangeable. Trying to change it is the source of most unhappiness.”

Sherwin T. Wine, Founder, The Center for New Thinking

I want to hear from you

Send me your questions or comments here on how you cope with negative people at work or home.  This is a challenge for all of us and there is always hope when we gain control from these toxic people.
You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my loyal readers! 🙂

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Knowledge Base Page Conflict in the Workplace Here.

This is Joyce Weiss, Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

LEARN MORE how Joyce can help your company eliminate destructive conflict in the workplace here.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why Conflict in The Workplace Research Matters: Part One

Do you compare your conflict in the workplace with colleagues or family members?
Would you like to find out what keeps your peers up at night?
Do you want to be a fly on the wall when I interview clients about their stress?

If so, the next few articles are for you.  They contain information I gathered from recent workshops on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace.  Let me know your specific stress so I can write about topics that fit your needs.

Conflict in the Workplace for Individual Employees

I asked the following questions to individual employees:

  • What do you need to improve your quality of life and working conditions?
  • What are frustrations that you experience?
  • How would you rate your level of being heard at meetings?
  • How does the company address conflict in the workplace?

These are some of their answers:

  • Spend more time with my family.
  • We are doing way too much and the quality is suffering.
  • I’m not heard at meetings.
  • I tried to share ideas and was shut down so I just sit there.

Solutions to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace for Individual Employees

1. Spend more time with family.
Give suggestions to management about what other companies are doing to help employees balance work and home.
Discuss the option of working from home 1-2 days a week.
Find on-line stress management programs.
Bring in a local speaker during lunch and learn programs.

2.  We are doing way too much and the quality suffers.
Give management suggestions on better ways to save time.
Check out the MI LEAN Consortium for resources on productivity.

3.  I’m not heard at meetings.
Let’s start with the obvious-make sure and speak loud enough to be heard.
If possible look at the meeting agenda and think about solutions to company challenges.

4.  I tried to share ideas but was shut down so I just sit there.
The following strategy may work if you have a good working relationship with your boss.
“I don’t want to be insubordinate.  I do want to discuss a concern of mine.
I was embarrassed when my ideas were strongly rejected at the meeting because it seems like some management doesn’t want our feedback.”

Let’s Get Real About Conflict in the Workplace

The comments above are typical of many of my clients.

All levels of an organization share their frustration and they want to resolve this conflict in the workplace.  The challenge arises when there is no trust or employees attempt to convey ideas to their leaders and nothing changes.

Stay tuned.  The next few articles will contain information I gathered about managers and senior level executives.  I promise to cover solutions to many of these frustrations.

Watch my video on Working with a Bad Boss

I want to hear from you

Send me an Email with your questions or comments on your frustrations and conflict in the workplace. You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my loyal readers!  🙂

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.
Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

LEARN MORE how Joyce can help your company eliminate destructive conflict in the workplace here.

 

This is Joyce Weiss, Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

 

 

 

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Workplace Bullying is a Hot Training Topic

Workplace Bullying is a topic that my clients are asking me to address for their training initiatives. Bullies are really 2- year- olds disguised in adult clothing.  This article will give you 3 ideas on how to deal with workplace bullies.  I will be sharing numerous videos on bullying in the next few blog posts.  Make sure to send me your own experiences because believe me, you are NOT alone!

A few questions from Joyce: conflict suma wrestler

  • Were you bullied as a child?
  • Did you fight back or just take it?
  • Is there someone at work who is a bully to you or others?
  • Does your organization deal with bullies in the workplace?

These questions are ones that are coming up more and more when I talk to clients.  They see an increase in workplace bullying and they don’t know how to stop this conflict in the workplace. 

Workplace Bullying Idea #1:  Fear and Intimidation at Work

The mean boys or girls grow up and become even meaner as adults…especially if no one confronted this negative behavior.  Fear and intimidation become part of their daily routine even if they are in leadership roles.  Yelling, swearing, ignoring, demeaning others in front of employees, etc are all ways for bullies to control others.  It works because most people don’t know what to do.   I’ve been researching this subject lately to find new data to share with my clients.  I will write future blogs on the danger of NOT dealing with bullies.

Workplace Bullying Idea #2:  An Actual Example From a Client

Debbie called me for me to help her deal with someone on her board who was bullying her.  Debbie’s boss appreciates her and is pleased with her performance because she steadily raises money for the organization.  Her boss knows about Sean, a board member who continuously demeans her.  Debbie called me at the suggestion of her boss. Debbie has 100% support from her boss who wants her to take care of Sean on her own terms.  Sean also micromanages Debbie.  Debbie and I worked on a few techniques. 

Workplace Bullying Idea #3:  Examples That Worked for Debbie 

I don’t want to be belittled. I do want to maximize and collaborate our different skill sets, connections, and experience in raising as much money for our organization as possible.

I’m overwhelmed when I don’t get things done in a timely manner because it is not a professional reflection on our team.
I’m frustrated when I’m micromanaged by someone other than my boss because I have a proven track record of success.

 Click here for more examples of the Power Talk Formula. Is is a short video with some great techniques.

Sean folded his arms at first and did not respond.  The next board meeting his behavior changed and Debbie left a message on my voice mail at midnight because she was thrilled that she was able to turn things around.  It is a risk to speak to a bully.  At times things actually get worse especially when the are narcissists!  With practice and support, we can all discover ways to resolve these issues.

I want to hear from you!

Feel free to send me your questions or concerns either on my blog or to my email if you want more privacy. I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own conflict in the workplace “issues.”  Let me know if you are working with a bully or if you are one yourself.  Cicero said, “Where there is life, there is hope!” 🙂

  Click here for more examples of the Power Talk Formula. 

CLICK HERE to learn how Joyce can help your company eliminate workplace bullying

Until next time,

This is Joyce Weiss, Communication Strategist and Coach

You can start tackling tough conversations with bullies, different generations, and even narcissists once you learn the powerful strategies. I will do whatever it takes to help you improve your quality of life.

Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, and on line professional growth coaching.

Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!

See YOU Next Week.

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our bullying in the workplace knowledge base https://www.joyceweiss.com/resources/knowledge-base/bullying-in-the-workplace/

Do you need creative gift ideas for your friends or relatives?  Click here to explore Joyce’s products that are perfect for anyone who likes books on professional growth and inspiration. joyce on bike 208x280

Contact Joyce

Joyce Weiss
6737 Oyster Cove
West Bloomfield, MI 48323

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 1-248-681-5831

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