Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Joyce Works with the Outstanding Chapter of Oakland Country IAAP

I had the privilege of spending an evening with the successful Chapter of Oakland Country IAAP (International Association of Administrative Professionals).  They brought me in to speak on Communicate with Impact:  Be Direct with Respect.  Yvonne Cunningham, President of the Chapter shares her thoughts on the benefits that her members received from the program in this short video:

We discussed the verbal aikido technique which gives people power when others complain to them.  Instead of pushing back by getting defensive,  I suggest that they pull back.  For example:  When a client complains that a project took too long, don’t say, “We’re short staffed.” or “It wasn’t our department’s fault.” Instead give your client your direct number and ask them to call you within 24 hours if the conflict is NOT resolved.  We all want resolution to our conflict, we don’t want excuses.  We want resolution to our issues, not empty apologies.

Here’s a photo of Joyce with Chapter President, Yvonne Cunningham:

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Dealing with Negative People Using “The Power Talk Formula”

Have you ever met a negative person who sapped all of your energy from you?  Do you want to figure out how to make sure this does not happen again?

Besides running away from this person… use The Power Talk Formula:

I feel…(your emotional response)
when…(non judgmental)
because…(how it affects you)

Watch this 2 minute video to bring The Power Talk Formula to life:

To Recap:

My client Sue used this formula with one of her negative colleagues.  They were on a business trip and were waiting in a long line to give their passports to the security guards.  Tom started to complain and make a scene.  Sue knew that she needed to do something.

She said, “Tom, It is hard for all of us to travel.  I feel frustrated when I hear all of these complaints because this negativity is pulling me down.  Why don’t we use this time to discuss the bottlenecks that we have with our own clients?”  Tom did not get defensive because Sue did not use the word “you.”  She was very careful to put the responsibility on her shoulders and NOT sound critical to Tom.  Their relationships improved and Tom was not as negative on the trip.

This tip works after a lot of practice.

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How to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace & Interpersonal Issues at Home

George, a participant in one of my conflict resolution workshops shared the following story.  Tommy, his ten year old son woke at 5:30am and kept on slamming his bedroom door while getting ready for school.  Tommy woke up his parents and sister.  It was time for THE TALK between father and son.  George told Tommy that he will take the handle off of the door if Tommy continues to slam the door in the morning.

Tommy was upset that his father was mad and pleaded with him that he would never do this again.  George thought a moment and said, “OK, Tommy, it sounds like you are taking this matter seriously.  The next time this happens I will not only remove the handle but I will also remove your  bedroom door.  I will agree not to remove the door handle at this time as long as you understand that you will be held accountable for your actions.”  Tommy agreed.  The problem was solved and the door slamming stopped like magic.

This worked as well as it did because George taught Tommy about accountability.

Accountability is a word that is coming up more often than ever before in conversations with clients.  Accountability is taking responsibility for your actions.  George did Tommy a favor by teaching him at a young age that he will be responsible for his actions.  I only wish that more parents did this!

I find that many leaders  don’t know how to confront employees on the importance of being held responsible for their actions if certain behavioral patterns are not broken.

We can all learn from George and how he resolved conflict and interpersonal issues with Tommy.  Come up with your own solutions by thinking how a problem can be solved.  It’s a great idea to have employees come up with solutions since many times they have better answers!

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How do you resolve conflict and interpersonal issues at home or work?

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How YOU Create Strong Teams

Strong teams are more important than ever before.  The challenge is that we are all so busy and operating in survival mode.  It helps when everyone gets on board and becomes accountable for the success of the team.  The challenge:  How to get everyone on board.  One solution is to ask important questions at meetings and really listen to to answers!

Ask the Following Questions When There is Conflict on Your Team:

News Flash: You need an understanding of what’s going on before you can attempt to solve any problems – .so ask yourself:

  1. What’s going on?
  2. How is it impacting others/you?
  3. What are future implications?
  4. What will happen if nothing changes?
  5. What is YOUR personal contribution to this issue?
  6. Commit to action!  What are the next steps?

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Do you have an open or closed mind when others describe people who you have not met yet?

We can’t let cynicism and negativity impact new experiences.  I recently visited Paris and Provence with my family.  Several people warned us that we better be prepared for rudeness.  Others told us that we needed to learn several key phrases in French and start all conversations in a positive way.

Let me ask you a question.  When is the last time that you were “warned” about a new colleague or boss?  People may have been cynical and you prejudged the new person before you even met him or her.

Now for the rest of my story – We had such a positive experience in France!  We attempted to speak their language when we were lost or had questions about food or prices.  We started our conversation in a positive way.  The response was almost always the same.  We all laughed and used a lot of grunts and hand gestures.  People wanted to help us.

I feel that we all need to think about our own communication and ask ourselves an important question.  Are we being open or closed when we meet new people  – especially after we were “warned” about them before we even met them?

The response is up to you and how you approach any new situation.  I choose to make up my own mind about others and do my best to look for possibilities instead of starting off negative and sticking to an old bias.

Please let me know what experience you have had when you meet new people after others were cynical about them?  Did you tell the cynic how you felt?  I’m here to listen to my loyal readers!

Was this helpful? Let us hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Feel free to share these tips with your team – just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.

Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.

For more information, articles and podcasts, visit https://www.joyceweiss.com

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831