Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

By Leave a Comment

One of my Favorite Communication Strategies to Help You Keep Your Cool

One of my favorite communication strategies is one that I use when others try to make me defensive.  I’m paraphrasing Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Those of you who have read my blogs know that no one can make you feel defensive without your consent.  We are in control of how we react.  No one is in control of that.

You may be thinking, “Joyce, how can I be in control when others push me?”  It isn’t easy.  Most of us push back when someone judges us.  We are all guilty of losing our cool at times.  My secret sauce is verbal aikido.

Communication Strategies #1:  The definition of verbal aikido

communication strategies

In aikido, the person who pulls back from an attack is the stronger one.  Stop defending yourself when someone yells at you that you are late. Instead of defending yourself by saying, “The traffic was bad,” start using verbal aikido.  Say, “You are right, I’m late.  I know how punctual you are and I will leave 15 minutes earlier the next time we meet.”

Communication Strategies #2: Focus on what can be done

It’s more important to concentrate on solutions rather than blaming what went wrong.  The next time a meeting communication strategiesbecomes a screaming match with a lot of blaming and accusations, use verbal aikido.  Pull back by saying, “Instead of the blame game, let’s figure out how we dropped the ball and resolve this issue with our client.”  Fixing what went wrong needs to be discussed at another time. We all want our issues to be resolved and we don’t care about excuses or blaming others.  Verbal aikido is a tool that cuts through the noise and focuses on the present.

Communication Strategies #3:
How Robert Kennedy used verbal aikido

Robert Kennedy knew that he was going to be pushed by the press after President Kennedy appointed him as his attorney general of the United States.  Senator Kennedy was prepared when he met the press the day after the appointment was made.  A journalist said, “Senator Kennedy, what gives you the right to become attorney general of the United States?”  Senator Kennedy took a breath and said, “That’s a great question.  You have to attend a good school, know a lot of people, and have a brother who is the president of the United States.”  The press melted and started to laugh at this brilliant statement.

Verbal aikido allowed Senator Kennedy to pull back and he caught the press off guard.

Let’s Get Real

There are times when I forget all of the skills that I write about.  Let’s face it, we are all human!  The important thing about forgetting to use these skills is that you are reminded of them immediately after a communication doesn’t go as well as you wanted it to!

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you think verbal aikido will help you keep your cool.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Have a great week.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

PS  My passion and talents are to help individuals and small groups reduce stress, advance their career,  and improve their quality of life and work. Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address executive coaching strategies here.

 

 

By Leave a Comment

A Powerful Strategy to Be in Control When Others Try to Push Your Hot Buttons

Hot buttons – we all have them.  How do you react when someone pushes yours?

  • Do you push back?
  • Do you remain silent?
  • Do you think of the best answer on your way home?

Do you wish you could react to toxic situations with more control?

If so, you’re in the right place!

Here are three powerful communication strategies to help you be in control:

Strategy #1 to be in control:  Pretend you’re in their situation

Figure out why they are behaving this way.  Ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were in their shoes?”  This could help you respond in a way that is more helpful since you understand how they may feel.

Strategy #2 to be in control:  Use the GAP Technique be in control

The GAP is a moment when we step back and take a deep breath to decide what we want to say.  This is the time to be in control and take a quick moment to think before the wrong words pour out of our mouth.

A stimulus is something that happens to us – someone interrupts us for example.
The response is how we react – what you will say to the interrupter.

I use the following sentence when others interrupt me:  “I want to hear what you have to say after I finish my story.”

The GAP is one of my personal favorite communication strategies because it saves me embarrassment by stopping me from saying something that may not be the best response.

Strategy #3 to be in control:  Don’t explain or defend yourself when something goes wrong be in control

Calmly acknowledge, apologize and act – never explain.  Explanations come across as excuses.  Agree if what they say is somewhat true.  Don’t blame it on someone else, even when you know who made the mistake.

Use Strategy #3 when a client complains that your company is late with a project: say, “You’re right.  We dropped the ball and will do whatever it takes to resolve this issue.  I will send it to you by 3 pm today.  Here is my cell phone.  Please call me anytime.  You are in good hands with me.”

Let’s Get Real

There are times when we don’t respond as well as possible especially when others push our buttons. These are learning moments!  We can always improve especially when we analyze what went wrong during a tough communication.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog when I describe verbal aikido to give you the strength to be in control.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you stay in control when others push you. You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email here with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Have a Great week.

Until next time, Remember – “You Get What You Tolerate!”

PS Do you want more information on how to resolve conflict or advance your career?
Sign up for articles, newsletters, and videos here

By Leave a Comment

How to Deal with Negativity in the Workplace

Negativity in the workplace is a constant discussion in every consulting or coaching assignment of mine.

  • Have you wondered how to deal with that negative employee or customer?
  • Have you wondered how to successfully communicate to the negative person without a lot of drama?

If so – this article is just for you!

Negativity in the workplace strategy #1:  It’s our responsibility to start the conversation

My message is very clear on this topic:

Everyone is responsible for the morale of the team – not just leaders.  Both leaders and employees need to speak to negative people about how the negativity impacts morale in the office.

Negativity in the workplace strategy #2:  Five important words negativity in the workplace

You will read a phrase that I write in every article – “You get what you tolerate!”

If you are tired of the negativity and you don’t say anything – You get what you tolerate!  You need to do something for things to change.

Negativity in the workplace strategy #3:  Focus on the positive

I’m sure you know people who train their brain to focus only on negative things. Constant complaining stops problem-solving & perpetuates a culture of being stuck and not moving forward.

I heard an interview with a pilot who flew with the blue angels. The blue angels fly their jets only 18 inches apart. The interviewer asked,” How do you do so well?” The pilot said, “We practice, practice, practice.” The interviewer asked, “Why don’t you crash?” The pilot responded, “We don’t practice crashing!”

Negativity in the workplace Strategy #4:  Control the conversation with negative people negativity in the workplace

Here’s an idea that can help you deal with those negatoids:

Forget about asking that person how he or she is doing. You will only get complaints about the weather, economy or traffic. Ask the negative person, “What is something good that happened to you today?” This idea forces the negative person to think of something different to say.  It takes discipline to focus on the good things!

More thoughts from Joyce

I hope that these strategies will help you deal with negativity in the workplace.

Learn more about how I help people and organizations turn around negativity in the workplace HERE.

If you enjoyed this information, you may also enjoy these articles:

Steps to Conflict Resolution When Dealing With Angry Clients

Do You Want to Turn Situations Around to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace?

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you deal with negativity in the workplace. What stories or expressions help you get through the stress? You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our Knowledge Base Page Conflict in the Workplace here.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

By Leave a Comment

Joyce Recommends a Best-Selling Book about Amazon’s Communication Strategies

Do you use Amazon to purchase items, listen to music or watch a video?
Do you wonder how Jeff Bezos started Amazon.com?
Are you curious why some people stay, and others leave Amazon’s antagonistic company?

If you want answers to these questions, I recommend reading The Everything Store:  Jeff Bezos and The Age of Amazon by Brad Stone.

Bezos named his company Amazon.com in 1994.  The Amazon is not only the largest river in the world, it’s many times larger than the next biggest river.  Bezos said, “It blows all other rivers away.”  This gives you an idea of how the company was destined to be bigger than life.

You will get an inside look at Amazon in my future articles.  I find the story of Jeff Bezos fascinating and could not put the book down.  Some of his ideas are contrarian on how I feel about teams and communication strategies; while I applaud his tenacity.  I am interested in how you react to Amazon’s communication strategies.  Please send me your opinions after you read his book or my articles.

The communication strategies below will get you started.  Strap your seat belts on and decide if you could work in the unique environment.

Communication Strategies:  4 Principles at Amazon

  • Step by step ferociously
  • Impossible goals will win the day
  • Setbacks are temporary
  • Naysayers are best ignored

I agree with these principles.  Decide if you or your company can add any of these ideas to the success of the company.

Communication Strategies:  Communication is a Sign of Dysfunction

Communication StrategiesOuch.  Bezos believes that his employees should try to figure out a way for teams to communicate less with each other, not more.  Coordination among employees wastes time and the people closest to problems are usually in the best position to solve them.

I don’t agree that teams need to communicate less – yet meetings need to be more productive.  Include the right people at your meetings.  I know that employees who work directly with customers need to be part of the decision-making process.  They hear both complaints and positive feedback daily.  The answer to resolving conflict is about productive communication strategies that dig deep and solve problems in a direct and respectful way.

Communication Strategies:  Ideas from Jeff Bezos

  • Risk taking is cool
  • Defeating bigger, unsympathetic guys is cool
  • Inventing is cool
  • Explorers are cool
  • Conquerors are not cool
  • Obsessing over competitors is not cool
  • Empowering others is cool
  • Conviction is cool
  • Straightforwardness is cool
  • Thinking big is cool
  • The unexpected is cool

Which ideas from Amazon’s list do you need to discuss at your next brainstorming session?
My favorite one is straightforwardness.  No surprises for those of you who know of my work. 😊

Communication Strategies:  Amazon’s Culture is Confrontational

Communication StrategiesThis begins with Bezos, who believes that truth appears when ideas are banged against each other.  Leaders are obligated to respectfully challenge decisions when they disagree, even when doing so is uncomfortable.

The people who do well at Amazon are often those who thrive in an adversarial atmosphere.  Managers are required to grade their employees and must dismiss the least effective performers.  Many Amazon employees live in perpetual fear.

Despite the stress, former Amazon employees often consider their time at the company the most productive of their careers.  Their colleagues were smart, the work was challenging, and Amazon offered constant opportunities for learning – while others expressed anguish about their experience.  Bezos says, “the company attracts a certain kind of person who likes to pioneer and invent.”

Joyce’s Thoughts About Amazon

I am an avid fan and purchase most of my business and professional items because the price is right, returning items is a breeze, and 2-day delivery can’t be beaten – did I mention that it saves time by not going to stores?

I’m drawn to stories about brilliant people like Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos.  Their communication skills may not be the best but their dreams and tenacity to move forward no matter what, speak to me.

Bezos told his parents that there was a 70% chance they could lose all their initial investment in their son’s company.  “I want you to know what the risks are because I still want to come home for Thanksgiving if this doesn’t work.”

Readers, is this straightforward enough for you?  It is for me!

I want to Hear From You

Add a comment to my blog on Amazon’s philosophy.  Have you ever worked in a contrarian work environment?  If so, please tell us how it worked for you and others.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.
Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Check out another of my book recommendations:  The Power of Why

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Have a great week.
Until next time, remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

 

 

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831