Joyce Weiss

I work with organizations and individuals who want to kick conflict and chaos to the curb - Queen of Conflict Resolution and Communication Coach

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Standing Up to Certain Bullies at Work

Bullies at work is a topic that I will be writing about for the next few blogs because clients have been asking me for strategies on how to deal with these difficult people more often these days.  You may be experiencing tough personalities who drive you crazy, yet they may not be bullies. Or, they may be full-blown bullies who constantly intimidate and humiliate.

The ideas below will help you stand up for yourself with bullies at work.  They are all risky.  There, I said it!  It takes courage to stand up to certain bullies at work.  Make sure to answer the questions towards the end of the article.  I would love to hear your responses!

Idea #1 on how to stand up to bullies at work

Bullies are always to be found where there are cowards.
Mahatma Gandi, Indian activist

bullies at workBullies don’t pick on powerful people-only those who won’t fight back.  They like nice people who continually act nice even when they are treated cruelly.  Bullies at work pursue their targets.  Ask yourself if you are a target.  If so, this strategy is for you-your beginning of breaking patterns and gaining the strength to not take it anymore!

Idea #2 on how to stand up to bullies at work

You may have read other articles from me on using the power talk formula.  This is a perfect strategy to use at least once with bullies at work.  The power talk method will let you know if you are dealing with a full-blown bully or a difficult person.  Bullies do not respond in a positive way to the power talk formula like difficult people do.

Read More here for an article on the Power Talk Formula.

Bullies at work reject reasonable requests to get along because they only want to win.

Idea #3 on how to stand up to bullies at work

I will be sharing action plans on how to stand up to bullies in upcoming articles.  This example may be totally different Career Skills | bullies at workfrom the ones that you have used in the past.  Are you ready?

Stop complaining about bullies at work and create a plan on how you can stop being a target.  If the bully starts putting you down about an idea that you believe in, start gaining control and stop being intimidated!  Stand up straight, look him in the eye, and assertively say, “John, don’t even start.”  The next move is to walk away.

Once you use this strategy a few times, it will become very easy.  I started using this idea a few weeks ago when a relative who complained about everything just didn’t stop whining.  I used this idea and it worked!

I want to hear from you about bullies at work

  • Add a comment to my blog on your experience with bullies at work.
  • Do you feel different about your bully now that you realize that you may be a target?
  • What strategies have you used to help you with these intimidating people?

You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email here with concerns that you are experiencing with bullies at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Put bully in the blog research bar to find more articles on bullies at work.

Read more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Communications Coach and Expert
Helping resolve personality conflicts

Have a great week.

Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

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A Bold New Strategy to Use with Bullies in the Workplace

  • Do you walk on eggshells with bullies in the workplace?
  • Are you caught off guard when someone constantly interrupts you?
  • Would you like to learn how to protect yourself from these negative behaviors?

I’m continuing my quest to help my clients gain control from the bullies in their workplace and home.life.  This article contains a new strategy to use when the power talk formula just won’t work – especially with certain bullies.

A participant in my Be Direct with Respect® Communication Workshop shared an incident that happened to him.  Doug is a manager and Sue, one of his direct reports interrupts Doug numerous times.  Doug has already used the power talk formula with Sue.  He said, “Sue I’m frustrated when I’m interrupted because I have already asked you to wait until the question and answer portion of the meeting.”  Doug is tired of Sue’s rude behavior plus his team has complained to him about Sue’s constant interruptions.  As one team member bluntly asked, “Can’t you shut her up?”

We brainstormed several ideas and came up with the following strategy to control Sue and other bullies in bullies in the workplacethe workplace.  The next time Sue interrupts Doug during the meeting he will say, “Sue. Stop!”  Some of you may think this is an aggressive strategy.  Doug already had discussions with Sue and nothing ever changes.  I encouraged Doug not to sound like a bully himself, but to say, “Stop!” in a strong and assertive tone.

Doug called me a week later and told me that this strategy worked.  Sue was caught off guard and didn’t say a word until the question and answer portion of the meeting.  This strategy may backfire.  It’s always a risk to communicate with bullies in the workplace.  The good news is that when the strategy works, the bully won’t push you anymore.  You won’t be fun to push.  The bully will find someone else to antagonize.

I want to hear from you

Add a comment to my blog on how you control bullies in the workplace.  What stories or expressions help you get through the stress?  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email HERE with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts.  Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

Do you want more information on bullies in the workplace?

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address workplace bullying here.

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Have a great week.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

 

 

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Is There a Bully at Work Who Makes Your Life Miserable?

Experiencing a bully at work is more prevalent these days.  I’m talking about not playing nice in the sandbox at work.  Bullying doesn’t happen only at school or on social media!

Were you bullied as a child?
Are you a target for a bully at work?

I asked these questions while facilitating a Dealing with Difficult People Workshop.  It was apparent that bullies still roam freely in today’s workplace.  We went from sharing experiences to how to gain control with bullies.  Several participants didn’t realize that they were targets for a bully at work.  This article covers who bullies target and information about bullies.  Future blogs will cover how to handle the bully at work.  

Can we talk?  I teach these strategies and I was caught off guard by someone who I’ve known for a long time.  It took me a few weeks to realize that I became a target.  It took me a while to figure out how to handle the bully.  We had a productive conversation and I called it to her attention.  She didn’t realize that her behavior was bullying and even got defensive at first.  This was to be expected.  We finally had a breakthrough and resolved the issue once I was firm and did not allow her to use an excuse that she was only being sarcastic.  She thanked me at the end.  That is when I knew this corporate communication strategist walked my talk.  🙂

Dealing With a Bully Question #1:  Are You a Target? bully at work

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Are you miserable at your job because of a bully?
  • Is your work sabotaged?
  • Do others think you are exaggerating about the bully?

The best and brightest are targeted.  You may pose a threat somehow to someone who is not developed as a moral human being.

Who gets targeted?

  • Targets are more technically skilled than the bully
  • Targets are better liked and have better social skills
  • Targets have a sense of integrity

Dealing with a Bully at Work Question #2:  Are You Aware of How Serious Bullying Has Become? bully at work

  • Bullies don’t have to throw a single punch to do lasting damage to another person’s health-or your organization’s fiscal health
  • Bullying is experienced by more the 1/3 of the US workforce
  • Bullying is severe enough to compromise a worker’s health – especially if the culprit is your boss
  • Bullying is more prevalent than illegal harassment
  • 40% of targets never tell their employers
  • Bullying is erroneously branded as conflict or difference in personality styles
  • Bullying is a form of violence

Let’s Get Real

Bullies are not punished and are allowed to thrive in the workplace.  Many leaders don’t know how to control them or even help targeted employees.  Companies don’t have the will to stop them.  Don’t give up; find someone at work who will listen to you.  The only way we initiate change is when we don’t give in to these difficult people.

Think of someone at work who may be a target of a bully.  What can you do about this especially if you are on the leadership team?

If You Are a Target, Remember That You:

  • Are not to blame
  • Must not feel it’s acceptable
  • Have a right to get it stopped
  • Have a right to confidentiality

My personal story above illustrates that at times bullies are not aware that their mean boy or girl behavior hurt others.  I’m not making excuses for bullies!  I am mentioning this because your tough conversation may go better than you think – especially if your bully was unaware of how his or her communication caused others stress.

If you deal with a TRUE bully, you may be able to resolve the issue, you must discuss this with someone who you trust so you can start living your life again.  Don’t forget that you have your personal corporate communication strategist right here, waiting for your email.  🙂  I charge my clients for in-depth coaching phone calls, but not for one or two emails from my readers.

Look for my article on Dealing with Narcissists next week along with strategies to help work or even live with these challenging people.

I want to Hear From You

Add a comment to my blog on how you overcame a bully or what he or she did to make you a target.  You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂  You are always welcome to send me a private email with concerns that you are experiencing at work.

Please share this and any article that speaks to you or your company.

Loyal readers like you help us find more people who could benefit from these posts. Help us help them reduce conflict and improve leadership skills and quality of life.

 

This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Until next time, Remember…“You Get What You Tolerate!”

Learn how I can leverage my 30+ years of leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address workplace bullying here.

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

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A New Tool to Enhance Your Communication Skills and Relationships

  • Do you wonder about your communication skills after certain conversations?
  • Have you dealt with people who win every argument with you?
  • Do you wonder why this happens?
  • Would you like to know how to stop this destructive communication?

This article will cover all four questions.  My coaching clients have shared with me their frustration with bullies and other difficult people who know how to manipulate the conversations.  By now you know that my skill set is all about resolving conflict either at work or home.

Communication Skills Strategy #1: Don’t Let the Difficult Person Control Youcommunication skills

We need to trust ourselves when we are around difficult people.  We need to give ourselves internal pep talks such as – “I’m ok” and “I’m in control.”  This may sound simple; however, difficult people know how to make others feel insecure by their bullying behavior.  Remember, it’s all about THEIR behavior and not yours.

Communication Skills Strategy #2:  Understand the Difficult Person’s Behavior

It’s usually about the insecurity of the bully or difficult person.  They win every argument because they know how to manipulate others.  Most people don’t confront the difficult person because they are afraid that things could escalate.  Go to the search bar and look for my previous articles to learn more about bullies.

Communication Skills Strategy #3:  Know the Behavioral styles of the Difficult Person

The DISC Profile is a solid and tested assessment to help you understand your behavior and the behavior of others.
It’s full of strategies to help improve your communication skills and relationships.

Here are four behavioral styles:
Dominance:  Direct, tough-minded, forceful
Influence:  Outgoing, enthusiastic, optimistic
Conscientiousness:  Analytical, reserved, private
Steadiness:  Even-tempered, accommodating, tactful

Each of these four behavioral styles consists of strengths and weaknesses.  It’s important to know your style in order to use your communication skills in the best way.

Let me know if you are interested in finding out about your behavioral style.

Communication Skills Strategy #4:  Learn How to Stop Others From Controlling You  Communication Skills

Inscape Publishing has introduced a new and powerful tool  – DISC® Productive Conflict Assessment.  It explores both your constructive and destructive communication skills and behaviors.  Once you discover this information about yourself, you are on your way to stop others from winning or controlling your conversations.

You will learn how to step back and challenge your actions.  This new assessment tool is exciting and the results are impressive!

To learn more, read a popular article HERE:  Resolving Conflict in the Workplace-My Favorite Articles and Strategies.

Please call me to receive your own copy of the DISC® Productive Conflict Assessment.  I am offering a VIP coaching rate if you want to go deeper and discover how you will gain more control, experience less stress, and understand yourself and others to gain the respect that you deserve!

Think about a conflict situation that you experienced and wish you handled better then give me a call.  You and I  can discuss this in our coaching session.  You can reach me at 800.713.1926 or send me an email HERE.

Let’s Get Real

Conflict is inevitable at work or home.  The solution is to know the best way to use your communication skills with difficult people or situations.  There is usually an easy approach –  I know first hand that this strategy works.  Hey, I live my life this way.  My experience helps me help my clients improve their home and working conditions.

I hope that this article gives you useful ideas on how to transform your uncomfortable encounters into stronger relationships.

Want to learn more about the assessment or VIP coaching session?  Call me at 800.713.1926 or send me an email.

Until next time,

Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach

Remember, You Get What You Tolerate!

PS.  Everything DiSC® Productive Conflict generates a personalized 22-page report providing insights into how individuals respond to conflict situations. This report is designed to be used with all employees in any type of organization or company. No previous experience with DiSC is necessary.

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Resolving Conflict in the Workplace: My Favorite Articles and Strategies

Resolving conflict in the workplace is the #1 topic that comes up during my private coaching sessions or workshops. Bullies and the usual negative suspects drive my clients crazy! They want to know how to deal with them without saying something that they will be sorry about the next day!

We use 3 strategies that help them gain control while helping them achieve better results with these tough individuals. I write about these tools repeatedly because my readers ask me to do so. We all know that constant reinforcement helps us break old habits and make the new ones permanent. Let me know if you have tried these out to help you resolving conflict in the workplace.

Resolving Conflict in the Workplace Strategy #1: The GAP

The GAP is the perfect tool to use when you want to gain control during a tough situation. I use it when I need to step back and NOT react since my natural behavior is to react. Hey, why do you think I help others deal with their conflict?

Pull back when someone makes you mad. I remind myself NOT to respond and decide what learning experience will occur by using the GAP. This tool has helped me many times when I used to get into trouble by speaking my truth. Listening and not responding is hard for most of us. After awhile this tool becomes a wonderful friend to my clients when the use it!

Resolving Conflict in the Workplace Strategy #2: Make the Environment Safe

resolving conflict in the workplace

Using “I don’t want…I do want” is a tool that ALL my clients thank me for when they learn how to use it and when it becomes a habit. For example, I used this tool with a recent client when he wanted me to coach Brad, his employee. Brad was being considered to become the next director of a department. Brad was not open to feedback from me and his team. I had that tough conversation with my client by expressing my concern about Brad.

“I don’t want to create stress between us since we have a great working relationship. I do want to express my concern working with Brad about a promotion since he is not open to constructive feedback. Brad is not ready to be coached now.” My client understood the dilemma and he had to deal with Brad who wasn’t promoted due to this closed mindset. He was a decent employee but was not ready to take on a leadership role.

Resolving Conflict in the Workplace Strategy #3: Be Direct with Respect®

Be Direct with Respect® is a trademark of mine that has helped many clients express their truth during uncomfortable conversations. This tool gives the person using it a formula and the person receiving the message is given a direct communication in a respectful way. Using I am…when…because helps you plan almost any conversation and you will receive great results.

I used this tool when I spoke to my client about Brad. “I was concerned when I spoke to Brad because he was defensive about all the feedback.” My client understood the dilemma immediately. There was no confusion. This was a red flag on how he had to deal with Brad on his own at this time, even though we both hoped that Brad could be coached in the future if we wanted to grow professionally.

Resolving Conflict in the Workplace Articles that you may have missed

The following 3 articles all deal with resolving conflict in the workplace. I hope that you enjoy them and find some answers to your own questions.

  1. Read this article: 5 Words to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace. You will experience a case scenario on how to deal with sarcasm.
  1. Read this article: Workplace Bullying is a Hot Training Topic. You will learn all about the Power Talk Formula and another case scenario that may sound familiar to you.
  1. Read this article: Strategic Communications: Disarm Tough Conversations. It covers the importance of constructive feedback and choices on how you can react during difficult communication.

I want to hear from you

Send me your questions or comments on what is and what is not working during your own tough conversations. Feel free to either comment in the section below or send me a private email.

Read more articles and listen to podcasts on resolving conflict in the workplace at our Knowledge Page.
This is Joyce Weiss, Communications Strategist and Executive Coach

Learn how Joyce Weiss can leverage her 30+ years of communication and leadership consulting and coaching experience to help your organization address conflict resolution in the workplace here.

Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”

Contact Joyce

Email: joyce@joyceweiss.com
Phone: 248-681-5831