Can you remember a life lesson that you learned from your kids? This post will help you search your memory bank if you can’t. 🙂
Parenting often feels like a tightrope, balancing providing support and fostering independence. As our children grow, especially during their teenage years, we may feel compelled to step in and offer help, sometimes more than they might need. But is all this “help” truly helpful?
This question became profoundly personal when my adult son and daughter gave me candid feedback about my tendency to overstep. What I learned has changed how I approach my role as a mother and even extends into my professional life. Here’s how I discovered the balance between being a supportive presence and stepping back.
The Background to My Life Lesson
It’s surprisingly easy for parents to overlook the issue of overhelping. As much as we want to be there for our children, especially as they transition into their teenage years, our intentions can sometimes misfire.
I learned this firsthand when my adult son and daughter expressed frustration with my tendency to offer unsolicited advice. They candidly informed their “helpful” mother that my guidance often came across as “I don’t think you can handle this on your own.” Ouch!
Discovering Blind Spots From Our Kids
That struck a chord because I had no intention of sending that message. I genuinely believed I was helping them navigate their challenges. This feedback illuminated my blind spot and prompted me to shift my approach: I learned to listen instead of advising when they shared their struggles. They didn’t necessarily want solutions; they just needed someone to listen.
My Life Lesson from A Professor
On the first day of my master’s program in Counseling, my professor shared a profound statement that has remained with me: “Is help helpful?” This simple question has become a valuable lesson that I carry with me in my coaching and facilitation sessions. Of course, we’re all human, and I occasionally forgot those wise words during my kids’ teenage years.
Now, I strive to embrace my role as a supportive presence rather than a problem-solver, allowing my children and grandchildren to seek my input when they genuinely need it. Here’s to learning the art of thoughtful support and recognizing when to step back!
Concluding Thoughts
Learning not to over-help has deepened my relationships with my children and grandchildren. By focusing on listening rather than fixing, I’ve realized that sometimes the greatest gift we can give our loved ones is simply our presence and confidence in their abilities. So here’s to embracing the beauty of thoughtful support, knowing that sometimes less is more.
What Life Lesson Did You Learn From Your Children?
This is the time for you to share your story about the life lessons you learned from your family. Let’s start an exciting conversation. Humility is cool in my book. 🙂We sure don’t have all the answers as parents.
Let’s Stay Connected
Please comment about this week’s post. How does it resonate with you?
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Until Next Time, Be Well and Happy!
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP, CVP
Communication Coach and Facilitator
Queen of Conflict Resolution
Remember, “You Get What You Tolerate”
Will it be Chaos or Calm?
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