Do you have complainers in your life who suck your energy by moaning about the same things?
Do you want to learn how to control these conversations?
How I stopped being so nice with complainers
Maya Angelou – American poet said, “Being kind doesn’t mean one has to be a mat.”
Her words spoke to me years ago. I remember a turning point when I listened to friends who continually complained about aspects of their life. Before I attained my Masters in Counseling my friends complained and I listened. Nothing changed. They didn’t alter their stories and repeatedly talked about their boss, colleagues or family members.
Eight powerful words to use with complainers
I learned a phrase from a professor that made all the difference in these communications. Are you ready to hear what these words are?
What are you going to do about it?
Some complainers will stop their whining and others won’t
I started to ask them, “What are you going to do about it?” I was sincere and did my best not to sound judgmental.
It’s interesting to recall that some of my friends stopped calling me. They didn’t like the new Joyce. They are probably still complaining unless someone was able to help them see that these comments kept them stuck in the land of “poor me.”
On the flip side, many of my friends appreciated the magical eight-word phrase. They started owning their situations and coming up with plans how they could move forward.
A real conversation with a complainer
A friend was having a difficult time at work and kept on grumbling how unfair her boss was by asking her to do things that were not in her job description. I said, “I’m sorry to hear that you are having a tough time at work. I’ll be glad to help you brainstorm how to find a new job or how to speak with your boss. I’m not willing to listen to you rehash how unfair life is for you. That’s not helping you move forward.”
She needed to hear these words. She was ready to stop complaining. She decided to start looking for different job opportunities where her skills would match her job.
I want to hear from you
Add a comment to my blog on how you have stopped complainers from moaning all the time. What stories or expressions do you use? You will receive a response from me because I enjoy connecting with my readers! 🙂 You are always welcome to send me a private email HERE with concerns that you are experiencing at work.
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This is Joyce Weiss
Corporate Communication Strategist and Career Coach
Have a great week.
Until next time, Remember…”You Get What You Tolerate!”