When giving feedback, be sure you take time and choose your words wisely so that you convey exactly what you mean! You can’t assume that people know what you want.
During one of my conflict resolution programs 2 participants started competing with each other on how their specific department did not receive enough support from the company. The anger was building up and I knew this was a “coaching moment” for the group and the 2 individuals. I quickly intervened and asked both individuals to stop so that their peers could help them explore options to seek resolution to the conflict. Luckily for me both individuals agreed to stop. The audience followed the ideas in this blog and the 2 individuals calmed down and actually listened to each other. This can happen to you also.
Here’s today’s tips:
- Don’t use vague communication such as, “I want you to sell more.”
- Be clear with your communication. Tell people: “I want you to sell $350 per day.”
- Don’t use unclear messages by saying, “Try to be to work on time.”
- Be specific: “We begin working with members at 8:00 am each day.”
Use the ideas from this blog post and watch your relationships improve due to your effective communication skills. Resolve conflict and interpersonal issues. Feel free to use these ideas as listening skills exercises during your training assertive programs
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Susan Miller says
Joyce,
Your points on using clear communication are vital in both personal and professional situations. The method described to break the anger/escalation cycle and to bring open/constructive feedback is a wise tool. This has worked for me in a variety of settings. Thank you for sharing with others.
Ellen Frank says
Hi Joyce. I like your idea of being very specific with feedback – I’ve found this to be crucial to getting the results I want. I have a question about how to do it, though, and I hope you can help.
In the past when I’ve been specific with my team members about what I want from them, I’ve gotten good results but eventually heard that I was experienced as being “kind of harsh and inflexible”. What do you suggest for delivery…how can I be specific, so there won’t be misunderstandings, but come across softer? Thanks!
Joyce Weiss says
Your question is a great one Ellen. My first suggestion is to make sure that the word “you” is not used at all during these honest communications. I find that people respond in a defensive way when they feel that the tone of voice sounds harsh or the word “you” is used in the communication. Practice your response by giving your opinion in a non judgmental way. Give your opinion by using the words “I feel…when..because.” Please feel free to ask more questions and share your successes in future blog posts. I look forward to communicating with you in the future.
Joyce Weiss says
Thanks Susan. It sounds like your communication is extremely effective both in your personal and professional situations. Feel free to ask questions or share your success on future blogs and please sign up at the RSS feed towards the end of the blog post to receive future comments from me on this subject.
Laura Good says
Joyce, what do you do when the president/ceo of the company is a well-respected business man,is a dynamic speaker and has an exceptional presence, but when he’s in the office, he only speaks to the chosen few and rarely says hello or thank you to those not in the “inner-circle” so to speak. His behavior is a constant drain on morale. Any advice?
Joyce Weiss says
This is a tough one Laura. I have coached clients to take risks and speak honestly to the CEO when they have strong communication skills and good rapport with the CEO. A client had a situation like this and decided to have an honest communication with his leader. The leader respected my client for being upfront and respected him more than ever before. I’m not suggesting that you take the lead in this situation. If you have a good relationship with the CEO and the opportunity is there, I would suggest that you tell the CEO about the morale in the office. It is always a risk to communicate openly yet when it works out well, relationships are improved. Let me know what you decide to do about this and thanks for bringing up a very common issue in the workplace today.