My Favorite Conflict Resolution Skill to Use with Bullies

• Do you want to use my favorite conflict resolution skill to gain control during tough conversations?
• Are you ready to learn or relearn a communication strategy to use with bullies or others who push you?
• If so, you are in the right place at this very moment. 😊

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Conflict Resolution Skill #1:  Verbal Aikido

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a conflict resolution skill that won’t get you fired.

Conflict Resolution Skill:  A Definition of Verbal Aikido

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Conflict Resolution Skill:  Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of this powerful conflict resolution skill is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

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Please contact me at my cell 248.310.6998 or 800.713.1926 to explore how executive or career coaching could be a great action step for your career development. There are many options to fit your budget and time schedule!   My last 4 clients have asked me to help them feel more comfortable with their virtual training on zoom. They all knew that their meetings were boring and wanted to change this.  It only takes a few sessions to make this happen.  Hey, what can I say?  I’m quick and clients use their new virtual learning skills immediately.  A win/win for all.  🙂

Isn’t amazing how much drama occurs in the workplace?  It’s like it has it’s own reality TV show! 
If you can relate, it’s costing you BIG time!  I specialize in supporting  frustrated emerging leaders and business professions to kick conflict to the curb to get the respect and peace they deserve!

Find your voice with Joyce!

I would love to work with you!

READ more articles and listen to podcasts at our knowledge base bullying in the workplace here.

Until next time, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Queen of Conflict Resolution

Have a great week.

Rememer, You Get What You Tolerate!