There are times when most of us feel empathy for others who make legitimate complaints about health, relationships, work etc. BUT there are other times when the complaints are so outrageous that we want to walk away or yell at the other person. I was at a restaurant the other day and heard the following conversations:
“My house is so dusty and I can’t wait for the crew to leave!” You may be thinking so, Joyce what’s the big deal? The complainer is so lucky to have the resources to have her house remodeled. Dirt and dust are part of the reality when we are able to have home improvement. It is what it is.
This person’s friend didn’t miss a beat and in a VERY whiny voice said, “I’m not looking forward to going home because I have to pack for our 3 week cruise.” Again, you may be more tolerant to complainers than I am. Read the rest of the article
I recently watched a hearing between the Secret Service Director and Congress. It was extremely heated and I knew that I was going to write about this interaction in a future article. Let me refresh your memory. A few agents drank alcohol at a retirement party. After leaving the party, they crashed their car into the white house. It was on international news for several days.
Congress asked important and tough questions to the Secret Service Director and he repeatedly skirted all issues. Congressmen and women actually said, “What are you going to do about it?” The Director said, “I first need to get all of the facts.” Several members of Congress said the same thing, “Why not fire the agents on the spot? You need to make the hard decisions.” The Director was very nervous and it almost sounded like he was covering up the “real story.”
The bottom line is that there was a huge communication breakdown in the Department. Supposedly the Director did not hear about this incident for a few days. I ask the question, why didn’t he hear about this sooner?
Reasons why there are communication breakdowns:
- Fear of retribution
- Covering-up for each other
- Dysfunctional cultural barriers
- The wrong fit for roles and job responsibilities
- Not knowing who to go to for answers
- Unclear expectations
- Too much red tape
We still don’t know the facts about this embarrassing situation. There have been several mistakes in the last few years and it is obvious that leadership is weak. Read the full article…
Here Are a Few Questions For You:
- Have you used a mentor in your life?
- Have you mentored others?
- Have you had a mentor to discuss how you would handle tough conversations?
- Would you like to learn how to improve relationships at work?
- Do you want to know strategies on how to reduce conflict in the workplace?
I will be addressing these questions in future articles. One topic will be Whose responsibility is it to give constructive feedback, the mentee’s boss or the mentor? I have heard this frustration expressed from many mentors. Stay tuned for some interesting information. Feel free to send me your experience either as a mentor or mentee.
I am creating a new workshop on Top Level Mentoring Skills for a client of mine. It has been fascinating interviewing people on how mentoring has helped them in their life. AOL Time Warner Foundation wrote that 99% of individuals already in a formal mentoring relationship would recommend mentoring to others.
Reasons Why Mentoring is So Powerful
- Receive unbiased opinions
- Someone who helps others reach their goals
- Someone to go to when challenges arise
- The company retains experienced employees because their contributions are valued
Negative people are…
- energy drainers
Is that enough already?
They wallow in their problems and don’t focus on solutions. They want to suck us in and join their PITY PARTY so they feel better about themselves. The interesting thing is that most people want to run away from them, but never think that they can. It’s human nature to feel obligated to listen to complainers because we don’t want to be rude. How about giving this a new spin…They are being rude and taking your valuable time while sucking all of your energy. There is a fine line between listening to someone who is complaining and getting pulled into their toxic behavior.
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any!
Joyce, How Can I Put a Different Spin on the Negativo?
You can avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and distancing yourself from them. One of my clients gave me this brilliant idea. If you are a non smoker and a person is smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the secondhand smoke? Of course not. You’d distance yourself. You need to start doing the same with complainers. Of course if you run away from a negative person and they continue to follow you, I strongly suggest that you have the honest and tough conversation by using Be Direct with Respect®.
I want to hear from you! Read the full article…
I sure hope so! Fear is really False Evidence Appearing Real. The definition of FEAR is “A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence of danger.” I am writing about FEAR this week because the topic came up during my recent Communicate with Impact Trainings. Several participants stated that the concepts that they were practicing in the class made sense to them BUT they feared using them at work. Others in the class argued that NOT using the skills would set them back career wise. I’m sure you can guess what I shared after this energetic debate.
Reasons Why People Fear Using Be Direct with Respect®
- Making things worse
- Not saying the right thing
- Fear of getting fired
- Not being taken seriously
- Nothing changes
Click Here to read my short article Go From Fear to In Gear to learn action steps to use when dealing with a challenge.