I sure hope so! Fear is really False Evidence Appearing Real. The definition of FEAR is “A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence of danger.” I am writing about FEAR this week because the topic came up during my recent Communicate with Impact Trainings. Several participants stated that the concepts that they were practicing in the class made sense to them BUT they feared using them at work. Others in the class argued that NOT using the skills would set them back career wise. I’m sure you can guess what I shared after this energetic debate.
Reasons Why People Fear Using Be Direct with Respect®
- Making things worse
- Not saying the right thing
- Fear of getting fired
- Not being taken seriously
- Nothing changes
Click Here to read my short article Go From Fear to In Gear to learn action steps to use when dealing with a challenge.
Last week I wrote an article on “What Happens When You Work With a Narcissist?” Click Here if you did not read it or want to review the ideas. A few of you sent me private emails with questions on how to handle this personality disorder. This post gives you strategies. I can’t guarantee that they will work. That’s right, you read this correctly. Narcissists range from selfish to borderline disorders. At times I have been very frustrated with narcissists in my own life. I did research on this subject and am happy to report that I know how to handle myself MOST of the time. Are you ready to find out?
Recognize when you are with someone who repeatedly evokes shame, anger, and idealizes others. You can then figure out your next step
- Try not to personalize since they act the same with others
- Detach yourself while functioning either at work/home to have peace of mind
- Think of the narcissist as a 2 year old on the inside
- Resist retaliation, confrontation, or open communication because they will show rage and feel assaulted
- You won’t change the narcissist since they don’t have compassion for others
- Plan ahead on how to set boundaries since they excel at the control game
- Find others who can support you
- Be prepared for changes in the relationship if you decide to speak with them
- They will distance themselves from you and find others to control
- Limit your involvement with them if possible
- Document abuses and excuses for your own record to protect yourself since narcissists don’t recognize their boundary issues
- Set your own priorities without being manipulated and stop adapting to them
- Awareness will not change the reality but it changes your perspective
- Don’t feel guilty for taking care of your health
Do you experience some of the situations at work or home when the same person…
- Always has drama in his or her life?
- Constantly criticizes others and never accepts responsibility?
- Shows anger if he or she doesn’t get his or her way…just like a 2 year old child?
- Takes up your time only with their issues and impedes your boundaries?
If so you may be working or living with a narcissist. This person is a tough one to work with and is always a challenge for participants in my Resolving Conflict in the Workplace Trainings. My clients have tried to deal with the selfish and critical team player with no success. I tell them that this disorder is one that some people NEVER are able to figure out and resolve issues. It is worth the effort to look for options in order to make your life easier. Read the rest of the article
Has this ever happened to you?
A person comes up to you and says, “What’s up with that outfit?” or “Why are you always so quiet? or “Why are you always so talkative?” I’m sure that some of you are saying, “Joyce, of course that has happened to me!” My question to you is…What have you said or done when people express these statements to you?
Suffer in silence?
Give a sarcastic remark?
I need to make myself clear. I have stayed silent, gave sarcastic remarks, and became defensive. That’s right my loyal readers, even the Be Direct with Respect® Queen gets caught off guard at times. I was in shock when people said things like this to me. I didn’t know how to respond. It was like being with the mean girl or boy in high school! Read the rest of the article
- improve your communication skills
- reduce conflict in the workplace or home
- modify your exercise, eating or sleeping habits
Whatever keeps you from reaching your goals today had better be important – it’s costing you a day of your life!
What about your communication goals?
Have you kept silent with someone at work or home because he or she may get mad at you? If so, what is this costing you? Do you lose sleep over this or feel like you will erupt like a volcano? John Lennon said, “Being honest might not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones.” I have learned the importance of being honest and plan out communication strategies before I actually have tough conversations. I do get a better night’s sleep because I was honest and shared my thoughts in a constructive way. It is not about winning or losing…it is about expressing yourself directly and respectfully. Things don’t always work out, but at least the other person knows where I stand and I feel good that we had this tough conversation.