I was honored to be a guest on the Catalyst Business Talk Radio Show.
I thank David Pace from  Business Speakers Bureau for the introduction.

Do you want to hear my latest podcast on how to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace?
If you answered, “yes”, you’re at the right place.

Check out the entertaining and informative interview that Catalyst Business Talk Radio Show Public Radio produced on
Secrets to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace.

Click here for the podcast
Click Here  For more great business podcasts from Catalyst Business Talk Radio Show

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Let us hear your thoughts after you listen to the interview.
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Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss
and Remember…You Get What You Tolerate!

PS If you haven’t signed up for the Free Video Series on “Reducing Conflict in the Workplace”… you can do this right now
Click here to register for the Free Video Series

I was recently interviewed by HAP (Health Alliance Plan) for their brilliant WISE WOMAN MAGAZINE.
They are generous enough to grant me permission to share the article with my readers.
I find that we all need to set boundaries in order to balance our hectic life.

Do you  have colleagues or loved ones that use a lot of your time talking and talking while you are in the middle of something important?
If so, this article will give you some ideas on how to take charge of this stressful situation.

Do you have a tough time saying, “no” to others who ask you to volunteer since you are the “right person” to help them with a project?
If so, you will find out how easy it is to say, “no” without sounding aggressive.

Enjoy the article and please let me know your boundary issues at work and home.  I will ask you to share these with me at the end of the
article.

Learn the Power of Boundaries

You’re invited to be on the PTA!
You’re such a great baker; we need your help with the bake sale!
A co-worker needs your help with a work project!

“It feels good when people ask us to do things we’re good
at,” says Joyce Weiss, M.A., C.S.P., and conflict resolution
consultant. “Our egos are stroked. We like it when other
people need us.”

Boundaries? What Boundaries?
“We had boundaries as kids,” Joyce points out.
“Come home when the streetlights come on. No TV until your homework is completed.”

Too often, though, we don’t set them for ourselves as adults.

“Think about recent commitments and make a list of duties you wish you had said no to.
This can help you prepare a response for the next time.
Finally, politely but firmly enforce your boundaries. If you set boundaries and people still take advantage, it’s your fault.
You get what you tolerate.”

Family Boundaries
Shannon, a busy working mother, wanted to return to school to earn her degree.
She knew the extra hours would affect her family, so she called a family meeting.
“She explained it was a two-year commitment,” Joyce recounts.
“Her kids would need to make their own lunches and life might be a little more stressful.
The payoff was a better job for Shannon, allowing the family to have money for the vacation they wanted, or for her kids to attend college.
They agreed to her plan. To this day, when they complain, she reminds them about that meeting  about Shannon’s boundary, and it’s working.”

Work Boundaries
Do you have a co-worker who stops by your desk, seeking help for her projects and leaving you with less time for your
own?   “Use ‘I’ language to deflect them,” suggests Joyce.
“For example, ‘I’m frustrated … because I’d love to help you out, but I’m too busy.
’ Or set a time limit: ‘I can give you five minutes, because I have a meeting at three.’”

Friendship Boundaries
What about that friend whose number on your caller ID makes you groan?
These energy vampires are talkaholics, and it’s all about them and what they need.
You don’t have to pick up the phone. Or you can say up front, “I’m tied up this week; I’ll be glad to call you back or email you.”

As Wise Women, we encounter demands for our time and energy from many directions.
When those demands become too much, the continual stress can lead to an array of health problems.
Create and enforce boundaries to help manage your stress levels, and you will feel better about the commitments you make.
It can mean a longer, healthier, happier life.
Joyce Weiss, based in West Bloomfield, Michigan, is the author of Take the Ride of Your Life! Shift Gears for More Balance, Growth, and Joy. Sign up for free articles at www.joyceweiss.com.

If you want to read an article on how to encourage work life balance at work… hit this link

You may want to check out my book Take the Ride of Your Life! which gives tips on boundaries and shifting gears for more balance and growth.  Check out the table of contents and summary at this link.

I hope that you enjoyed the article!
Was it helpful?
Send me what boundaries you set for yourself at home or work.
I will respond to you when you make comments.
Staying connected with my readers is an important part of my career!

 

Until next time, This is Joyce Weiss
and remember…You Get What You Tolerate!

  Have you ever had a great idea for your company and got everyone excited about doing it, but then no one took       action and the great idea died? Such is a common occurrence in organizations across the country. In fact, in most companies generating great ideas isn’t the problem – it’s turning those ideas into action that stalls a company’s growth. This will also reduce conflict in the workplace.

In order to help your team take action on new ideas, use the following idea moving process to get from idea to final delivery.

 1. Generate at least 50 ideas for your current dilemma.

How do you know if an idea is truly great unless you challenge it with new ideas? That’s why you need to generate a lot of ideas to get the idea process started. Have people write one idea per “sticky note.” During this phase, temporarily ignore rules and budgets. Anything goes. Don’t self-edit and don’t think anything is “stupid.” Encourage wild ideas from everyone; be playful. And since this is a group effort, feel free to expand on other people’s ideas. Remember, it’s not a competition.

2. Move the most exciting ideas forward.

Take all your sticky notes and group similar ideas together. Decide on a category heading for each group. Then, rather than decide on a single idea to pursue, begin by deciding on an idea-group that is most attractive given the current situation. Use past experience and current need to help with the decision process.

3. Remove hurdles and identify holes.

Analyze the selected group and come up with reasons why the ideas may not work using the following questions to refine the idea to implementation:

• What are the consequences if we do these ideas as presented?
• What potential challenges could arise in the workplace?

• How will these ideas work within the available resources of time, money, and people?If you don’t like your answers, refine the ideas – don’t kill them.

4. Create a specific step-by-step action plan.

Create a plan to ensure that the idea can be implemented successfully. Consider such things as:

• Training and resources: Does the timeline and task schedule require training or resources not currently at hand? If so, how do you get them?

• Budget: Do you have the financial resources to see the idea through to completion? If not, what creative things can you do to offset costs (trade out of products or services, use contract labor, etc.)?

• Timelines: What is the chronological order for doing each step?

• Celebration points: At what point will you celebrate milestones, and what celebration activities will be most appropriate?

Action is the Key to Results

When people have a thought-out plan for carrying out an idea, they are better equipped and better able to turn that idea into reality. So use this idea process for every dilemma, whether large or small. You’ll get the most creative solution for your current challenge, as well as the ability to turn that idea into action. This will reduce conflict in the workplace to move your team to the next level.

What is your most pressing issue about your team?
Send them to me and I will send you back some creative idea that you can put to use immediately!

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Until next time
Remember, You get what YOU Tolerate!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

PS  Have you signed up for the FREE Video Series on “Reducing Conflict in the Workplace?”
                   If not, you will receive 20 short videos from me once/week for 20 weeks

PPS  If you have signed up please send me questions or comments so that I can support you any way that I
can.

PPPS  Sign up at www.JoyceWeiss.com for your FREE Video Series…right now! 

If you said “yes” to even one question…please continue reading!

All teams need a wake up call from time to time – an energy boost or an attitude adjustment. How do you know when it’s time for your team to get re-energized? Look at them. Is there energy in the team?  Are they communicating with respect?  Do your teams make time for stress relief exercises? Are people excited about work? Are employees talking to each other? Is there laughter and fun in the air? If you answered “no” to even one of these questions, then it could be time for you to initiate your team for ideas on how to increase respect and reduce stress.  It helps if you are open and will use some of their ideas.

For many companies, it’s the “same old” routine day in and day out. People grudgingly go through the motions of work, but they don’t have their heart into it. There’s so much stress or negativity in the air that you can cut it with a knife. The silence is deafening, and when someone does talk, it’s laced with sarcasm and retaliation…there is an over abundance of conflict in the workplace.

But work doesn’t have to be this way. You can help your team learn new facts about stress so everyone is focused and having fun again. Here’s how.

•    Create a stress relief committee.
Ask for volunteers to head a stress relief committee. Typically the people who want this role are the overly optimistic people who are full of energy anyway, but that’s okay. You need someone to take the lead. Empower the committee to determine when the team needs to do various stress relief exercises and allow them to organize a group break so everyone can recharge.

•    Ask the group for their input.  Ask them the question…
What does respect mean?
You can’t mandate what the team “should” do to reduce stress and re-energize. That approach will always backfire because someone (or maybe everyone) will think the activity is “dumb” or a “waste of time.” Therefore, have the stress relief committee find out what each person would like to do to reduce stress and increase respect in the workplace. It could be anything from bringing in a chair masseuse once a month to getting everyone to dance to some upbeat music to having a 15-minute silence break. There are numerous respect activities and I will include a few examples in the next article.  The possibilities are endless so long as you get everyone’s input.

•    Address the nay-sayers.
Invariably you’ll have at least one person who won’t want to go along with the group’s activity. The key to winning this person over is to find out what he or she needs to do to reduce stress. Whatever you do, don’t let the nay-sayer sit out from the designated activity. That will only cause others to look down on him or her and erode the team’s spirit and increase workplace gossip. Instead, say to the person, “As the manager, it’s my job to make sure everyone has some stress relief. Tell me what will help you re-energize.” Listen to what the person says and do that activity next (as long as he or she participates in the current activity).

The Energy to Succeed
Everyone needs a fun break from time to time – an escape from the stresses of work and life. So give your team the opportunity to discuss how to reduce stress to increase respect in the workplace. By doing so, they’ll have the strength and creativity to get more done in less time…and with better results.

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If you have not signed up for the Free Video Series on Reducing Conflict in the Workplace…please do so now.
You will receive one video/week for 20 weeks.  The videos are only 2-3 minutes long and are packed with tips and stories that you can use at home or at work.
Sign up now at www.JoyceWeiss.com
Until next time, Remember…”You Get What YOU Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss

1.    What is our main challenge?
You need to pinpoint what specifically keeps you from having a working relationship based on cooperation and respect. Does it have to do with work styles, personalities, ethnicity/cultural differences, etc.? You need to know what you have to overcome before you can actually do it.

2.    How are we different?
Suppose that you figure out that your conflicting work styles cause the friction. The next step is to identify specifically how your work styles are different. For example, maybe you discover that while you prefer to have e-mail communications, your co-worker finds e-mail cold and impersonal and wants face-to-face meetings. At this point remember not to blame each other for the difference or defend yourself. You want to find how to capitalize on your differences.

3.    How are we the same?
Despite your differences, you likely have a few similarities. In fact, at one point in your history together, you probably did one thing – even one small project – together well. What worked then? The key is for you to build off your sameness to establish cooperation and respect.

4.    What opportunities are within our reach?
In other words, if we work together what can we accomplish together? This question gets you to think positively about the other person so you can have the motivation to work together in a way that fosters cooperation and respect.

5.    How can others in the department or company help us?
Remember that you’re not alone. Others in your department or company want you to develop mutual cooperation and respect. Identify who those people are and get their input.

6.    How can we communicate with each other better?
In order to work on your relationship, try spending some time together. This does not mean hanging out together on weekends. It simply means for you to go to lunch together once per week or agree to meet for 20 minutes every Monday to go over weekly goals. Do something to get the dialog started.

7.    How can we amaze ourselves?
Determine what would be an amazing experience for the two of you working together. Describe it in great detail. Use that vision to guide your future working efforts. Before you know it, you’ll have a solid base of cooperation and respect to build from.

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Until next time…Remember, You Get What You Tolerate!
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

P.S.  Sign up for your own FREE video series – “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace”  HERE

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired.

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker in order to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of Verbal Aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

There’s no doubt that being able to communicate effectively is a major determinant to professional success. Hostile and emotional reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while counter responses restore harmony and balance.

So the next time you’re the recipient of a verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the other party is pulling you in a direction you don’t want the conversation to go, push forward.

Remember these five tips:

1. Protect yourself from others who try to infect you with their anger and hostility by being Direct with Respect®.

2. No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only force you to absorb the negative message.

3. You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting the comment and then deciding whether to push or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the statement.

4. When you give the other party nothing to push against, you gain control of the situation.

You are able to remain positive during the conversation, not defensive.

5. When all else fails, have the courage to walk away from someone who is verbally attacking you. Don’t be a willing participant in an uncontrollable negative situation.

The more proficient you become at Verbal Aikido, the more natural it will become – and the stronger all your verbal communications will be.

*******************************************************************************************

If you want to go further into your own professional growth, check out the link for the on-demand
Communicate with Impact Course

“Joyce Weiss has a knack for getting to the point when it comes to communication.  Her Communicate with Impact program has taken us to another level in our communication through out all ranks of our organization.  This has allowed us to cut through our  personal barriers to get to the real issues at hand.”

Nancy Wasczenski, Presidnet, Parda Federal Credit Union

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Until next time…Remember

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

How we recover from our personal and professional mistakes makes all the difference in the world. My latest book,
Take the Ride of Your Life!, has some useful tools for making that graceful recovery.

1. Look at those old patterns

The obvious mistakes are easy to correct … it’s what we don’t see that causes the most damage. Have you ever noticed certain situations keep popping up? And some problems just get worse?

Start observing your rituals. This will help you decide which patterns are working and which ones are keeping you down.

2. Get some positive feedback

The most valuable and underused tool we have is input from our true friends. Who else can you trust when you’re stuck in a rut?

It’s difficult to recognize our own shortcomings, but a trustworthy friend can gently introduce areas for improvement. Open yourself to hearing what they have to say, and drop the defense mechanisms!

With your eyes newly opened, look for new ways of dealing with habitual mistakes, write down an action plan, and see how it works.

3. Forgive yourself

Our inner voices can be merciless! Forgive yourself. Quit carrying the guilt and shame around like a heavy suitcase. Torturing yourself with past failures helps you achieve … nothing.

Blame is another reason we don’t always get over our mistakes. We blame others for our mistakes, thinking this will shrink our guilt.

Once you get beyond guilt and blame, you can start enjoying the ride.

If you want to gain more tips on new facts about stress, check out the link for your own copy of the
life coaching book, Take The Ride of Your Life!

“Joyce has an amazing ability to help people see how simple it can be to “shift gears,” to make those small changes that can lead to dramatic and overwhelmingly positive improvements, both at work and in their personal lives.”
Bob Danzig, author, speaker, professor, and former Nationwide CEO of Hearst Newspapers

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

Whenever interpersonal conflict arises in your day-to-day dealings with others, put these 5 steps to conflict resolution to work. They’ll save you both time and headaches, and enable everyone involved to work together harmoniously.

1. Identify the situation.

While this step may seem obvious, you need to remember to think in specifics. Simply saying, “The marketing department drives me crazy with their ‘pie in the sky’ thinking,” will not help you resolve the issue. You need to precisely pinpoint who is causing the conflict as well as what he or she is doing to upset you.

2. Make an appointment to discuss the conflict.

Once you’ve figured out the specifics, you need to meet with the person. Go to his or her office and say, “I need to talk to you about our working relationship. Would you be willing to meet me for lunch on Thursday?” Whatever you do, don’t barge into the person’s office and start accusing him or her of things. You want to meet the person on neutral ground in a public area so the conversation stays civil.

3. Craft your “I” message.

The first few words you say to the person will set the tone for the rest of the meeting. Therefore, make sure you don’t accuse the person or put him or her on the defensive by using “you” statements, as in, “You are always late for work and you’re making my job very hard.” Instead, follow this formula:

I feel ______________ when I ____________ because _____________. (your responsibility) (non-judgmental) (how it affects you)

For example, “I feel frustrated when I have to lead the morning meetings every day because everyone agreed to be here on time for the meetings but not everyone is.” This approach takes the attention away from the person and focuses it on the behavior that is causing conflict.

4. Set your goal.

Plan ahead of time what you think the other person will say and what you will say in response. Additionally, plan the desired changes you would like to see the other person implement. And don’t

forget that no conflict is one-sided. You have to look at the other person’s side of things and find out what you can do to make work easier for him or her too.

5. Get closure.

Before leaving the meeting, detail the specific agreements both parties have made. Shake hands, and then choose a date and time that you’ll meet again to evaluate overall progress.

Conflicts don’t have to be ugly situations that cause grief and pain. Anyone can resolve conflicts by being Direct with Respect® and by keeping an open mind. The more you work toward conflict resolution, the more successful you’ll be in business and in life.

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Until Next Time, Remember…
“You Get What You Tolerate!”

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict in the Workplace Consultant & Accountability Coach

If eighty-hour workweeks and impending layoffs are leaving you apprehensive about your career decision, you’re not alone. These days, countless professionals are yearning for more fulfilling careers.

Unfortunately, many business people are going through their day-to-day work activities and feeling as if they’re pedaling a bicycle uphill in the wrong gear.

They secretly yearn for the feelings of freedom and self-reliance they used to have when they were children pedaling away on their very own Schwinns, Huffys, and Evans Colsons.

How can we recapture those childhood feelings of independence, adventure, and joy?

1. Safely navigate work’s potholes, ruts, curbs, obstacles, and challenges.

In order to excel professionally, you need the ability to learn from any past mistakes rather than dwell on them.

The truth is that the only wrong mistake is one we don’t learn from – when things go wrong, we have a choice. We can criticize ourselves and curse our own bad luck, or we can coach ourselves, extract value from what we learned, and focus on how we can handle that situation better in the future.

The next time something devastating happens to you, whether it’s a layoff or a failed project, remember there are lessons to be learned.

2. Take the direct route.

Many people are so confused at work that they don’t know what is expected of them anymore. It’s during these times that people need to use straight talk to solve issues.

Being Direct with Respect® means being able to communicate openly and honestly without hurt feelings. Encourage Be Direct with Respect® in your office by thinking about what you really want to say, writing it down, and practicing it.

The more you use it, the more comfortable you’ll feel, and the more your colleagues will follow your lead.

3. Stay balanced when the road is bumpy.

The majority of people are running on empty.

If your workday feels out of balance, the quickest way to identify what is missing is to know your core values: What’s holding you back from achieving balance in your day? Can you say no to the things that aren’t consistent with your core values?

When you ignore your personal values for the sake of others, keeping balanced is a challenging ordeal.

To gain balance, you first must be true to yourself. When you can gear down, relax, and enjoy the flowers on the side of the road, you can finally see the right path.

4. Stop pedaling in circles.

How long has it been since you’ve tried something new and different in your work?

After evaluating yourself personally, ask people you trust to make suggestions on how you need to grow.

Use their advice to guide your education decisions. Do you need to take a computer class, a writing course, find an accountability coach, or attend a management training workshop?

To carve a new career or enhance your current one, you must take responsibility for your own future and learn new skills on a daily basis.

Conclusion

Your ability to safely navigate workday obstacles, use straight talk, stay balanced, and keep learning will help you recapture the feelings of your youth – when your bike was your ticket to exhilaration.

You’re the one in control! Sometimes the journey will be easy coasting, while other times it will be an uphill bumpy trek.

Either way, it’s up to you to shift your professional life in gear and create your own career path.

Check out the article Is Your Enthusiasm for work Flickering Out? to find more ideas
on how to develop your own career path in the link below:
Leadership Consulting Article

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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

Instead of resigning or dealing with a grueling commute, she proposed that she could come into the office just one day a week, and work the rest of the time from home. The company leadership agreed.

The young woman found a mutually agreeable solution that allowed her to achieve work-life balance. Unfortunately, many employees in the same situation wouldn’t feel comfortable making such a request.

With so many companies doing more with less, employees need to achieve a better work-life balance… and you can help your organization do just that.

1. Find Out What Coworkers and Employees Need

Some workers might want a more flexible office schedule, a compressed workweek, job sharing options, or resources for child or elder care. Others may want healthy workplace initiatives like on-site exercise classes and wellness lectures.

What can you do?

Form a work-life committee to survey people and find out their needs. Members can then recommend ways the organization might help employees achieve more balanced lives.

2. Relieving the Pressure of Overtime Demands

When demands become rigorous, everyone suffers.

What can you do?

Do something special for coworkers and employees – like providing a dessert, a dinner, or little thank you gestures. Suggest that dedicated people get an afternoon off… and everyone will be rewarded with a newly refreshed coworker.

3. Setting an Example

People who don’t take time for themselves feel more stressed, and consequently, become less productive at work.

What can you do?

Don’t begrudge people their personal time. Encourage others in showing the proper work-life balance – when your boss leaves at 5:00 p.m. to see her son’s soccer game, realize that she should be doing it with pride!

Check out the podcast for more ideas on how to help your employees juggle it all at the link below:
Reduce Conflict in the Workplace by Helping Your Employees Juggle it All

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Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach