1.    What is our main challenge?
You need to pinpoint what specifically keeps you from having a working relationship based on cooperation and respect. Does it have to do with work styles, personalities, ethnicity/cultural differences, etc.? You need to know what you have to overcome before you can actually do it.

2.    How are we different?
Suppose that you figure out that your conflicting work styles cause the friction. The next step is to identify specifically how your work styles are different. For example, maybe you discover that while you prefer to have e-mail communications, your co-worker finds e-mail cold and impersonal and wants face-to-face meetings. At this point remember not to blame each other for the difference or defend yourself. You want to find how to capitalize on your differences.

3.    How are we the same?
Despite your differences, you likely have a few similarities. In fact, at one point in your history together, you probably did one thing – even one small project – together well. What worked then? The key is for you to build off your sameness to establish cooperation and respect.

4.    What opportunities are within our reach?
In other words, if we work together what can we accomplish together? This question gets you to think positively about the other person so you can have the motivation to work together in a way that fosters cooperation and respect.

5.    How can others in the department or company help us?
Remember that you’re not alone. Others in your department or company want you to develop mutual cooperation and respect. Identify who those people are and get their input.

6.    How can we communicate with each other better?
In order to work on your relationship, try spending some time together. This does not mean hanging out together on weekends. It simply means for you to go to lunch together once per week or agree to meet for 20 minutes every Monday to go over weekly goals. Do something to get the dialog started.

7.    How can we amaze ourselves?
Determine what would be an amazing experience for the two of you working together. Describe it in great detail. Use that vision to guide your future working efforts. Before you know it, you’ll have a solid base of cooperation and respect to build from.

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Until next time…Remember, You Get What You Tolerate!
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

P.S.  Sign up for your own FREE video series – “20 Tips to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace”  HERE

Communication woes plague professionals across the board: Supervisors reprimand you in front of others. Coworkers tactlessly reject your ideas. Clients lash out at people to get what they want.

Rather than pushing back, getting even, or seething in silence, you can gain control of the situation and diplomatically deal with unkind people and behavior. The solution is called Verbal Aikido, and it’s a communications technique that won’t get you fired.

Aikido is a Japanese form of self-defense that uses non-resistance to debilitate an opponent’s strength. The Aikido practitioner seeks to counter attacks without bringing harm to the attacker in order to create balance. In other words, when pushed, you pull; when pulled, you push.

This technique is just as effective with verbal attacks. It allows you to respond to a verbal attack by accepting the comment, redirecting it, and reaffirming your stance in a positive manner. Avoid being hostile and building emotional barriers!

Verbal Aikido Basics

The cardinal rule of Verbal Aikido is to not repeat the accusation. By doing so, you absorb the negative message.

EXAMPLE:

If someone questions a business purchase with an accusatory, “Why are you wasting the company’s money?” don’t respond by yelling, “I’m not wasting the company’s money! I need these items to perform my job!”

Such a response reinforces the blame on you. Instead, a verbal aikido practitioner would redirect the comment by saying, “Let me tell you how I invested the company’s money.”

Your Verbal Aikido response also reaffirms your control over unneeded emotional responses, thus giving the other person nothing to push against.

EXAMPLE:

Suppose you’re giving constructive criticism to a male co-worker who tells you, “What I did is perfectly fine. You’re just too emotional. All you women are alike.”

Instead of becoming emotional and reinforcing his claim, say, “I agree. I can overreact at times. Let me explain why I feel this way about the situation.”

This response accepts the basis of the situation without absorbing the negative aspects. However, you redirect the accusation by agreeing. The response also reaffirms the other person’s feelings of frustration. As a result, you diffuse the confrontation and can work toward repairing the situation.

There’s no doubt that being able to communicate effectively is a major determinant to professional success. Hostile and emotional reactions only add fuel to the discussion … while counter responses restore harmony and balance.

So the next time you’re the recipient of a verbal lashing, analyze the comment. If the other party is pushing your buttons, pull back. If the other party is pulling you in a direction you don’t want the conversation to go, push forward.

Remember these five tips:

1. Protect yourself from others who try to infect you with their anger and hostility by being Direct with Respect®.

2. No matter who is dishing out the verbal assault, whether it’s a client, coworker, or supervisor, never repeat the accusation. Doing so will only force you to absorb the negative message.

3. You can diffuse any verbal attack by dissecting the comment and then deciding whether to push or pull as you accept, redirect, and reaffirm the statement.

4. When you give the other party nothing to push against, you gain control of the situation.

You are able to remain positive during the conversation, not defensive.

5. When all else fails, have the courage to walk away from someone who is verbally attacking you. Don’t be a willing participant in an uncontrollable negative situation.

The more proficient you become at Verbal Aikido, the more natural it will become – and the stronger all your verbal communications will be.

*******************************************************************************************

If you want to go further into your own professional growth, check out the link for the on-demand
Communicate with Impact Course

“Joyce Weiss has a knack for getting to the point when it comes to communication.  Her Communicate with Impact program has taken us to another level in our communication through out all ranks of our organization.  This has allowed us to cut through our  personal barriers to get to the real issues at hand.”

Nancy Wasczenski, Presidnet, Parda Federal Credit Union

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Until next time…Remember

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability Coach

How we recover from our personal and professional mistakes makes all the difference in the world. My latest book,
Take the Ride of Your Life!, has some useful tools for making that graceful recovery.

1. Look at those old patterns

The obvious mistakes are easy to correct … it’s what we don’t see that causes the most damage. Have you ever noticed certain situations keep popping up? And some problems just get worse?

Start observing your rituals. This will help you decide which patterns are working and which ones are keeping you down.

2. Get some positive feedback

The most valuable and underused tool we have is input from our true friends. Who else can you trust when you’re stuck in a rut?

It’s difficult to recognize our own shortcomings, but a trustworthy friend can gently introduce areas for improvement. Open yourself to hearing what they have to say, and drop the defense mechanisms!

With your eyes newly opened, look for new ways of dealing with habitual mistakes, write down an action plan, and see how it works.

3. Forgive yourself

Our inner voices can be merciless! Forgive yourself. Quit carrying the guilt and shame around like a heavy suitcase. Torturing yourself with past failures helps you achieve … nothing.

Blame is another reason we don’t always get over our mistakes. We blame others for our mistakes, thinking this will shrink our guilt.

Once you get beyond guilt and blame, you can start enjoying the ride.

If you want to gain more tips on new facts about stress, check out the link for your own copy of the
life coaching book, Take The Ride of Your Life!

“Joyce has an amazing ability to help people see how simple it can be to “shift gears,” to make those small changes that can lead to dramatic and overwhelmingly positive improvements, both at work and in their personal lives.”
Bob Danzig, author, speaker, professor, and former Nationwide CEO of Hearst Newspapers

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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

Whenever interpersonal conflict arises in your day-to-day dealings with others, put these 5 steps to conflict resolution to work. They’ll save you both time and headaches, and enable everyone involved to work together harmoniously.

1. Identify the situation.

While this step may seem obvious, you need to remember to think in specifics. Simply saying, “The marketing department drives me crazy with their ‘pie in the sky’ thinking,” will not help you resolve the issue. You need to precisely pinpoint who is causing the conflict as well as what he or she is doing to upset you.

2. Make an appointment to discuss the conflict.

Once you’ve figured out the specifics, you need to meet with the person. Go to his or her office and say, “I need to talk to you about our working relationship. Would you be willing to meet me for lunch on Thursday?” Whatever you do, don’t barge into the person’s office and start accusing him or her of things. You want to meet the person on neutral ground in a public area so the conversation stays civil.

3. Craft your “I” message.

The first few words you say to the person will set the tone for the rest of the meeting. Therefore, make sure you don’t accuse the person or put him or her on the defensive by using “you” statements, as in, “You are always late for work and you’re making my job very hard.” Instead, follow this formula:

I feel ______________ when I ____________ because _____________. (your responsibility) (non-judgmental) (how it affects you)

For example, “I feel frustrated when I have to lead the morning meetings every day because everyone agreed to be here on time for the meetings but not everyone is.” This approach takes the attention away from the person and focuses it on the behavior that is causing conflict.

4. Set your goal.

Plan ahead of time what you think the other person will say and what you will say in response. Additionally, plan the desired changes you would like to see the other person implement. And don’t

forget that no conflict is one-sided. You have to look at the other person’s side of things and find out what you can do to make work easier for him or her too.

5. Get closure.

Before leaving the meeting, detail the specific agreements both parties have made. Shake hands, and then choose a date and time that you’ll meet again to evaluate overall progress.

Conflicts don’t have to be ugly situations that cause grief and pain. Anyone can resolve conflicts by being Direct with Respect® and by keeping an open mind. The more you work toward conflict resolution, the more successful you’ll be in business and in life.

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Until Next Time, Remember…
“You Get What You Tolerate!”

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict in the Workplace Consultant & Accountability Coach

If eighty-hour workweeks and impending layoffs are leaving you apprehensive about your career decision, you’re not alone. These days, countless professionals are yearning for more fulfilling careers.

Unfortunately, many business people are going through their day-to-day work activities and feeling as if they’re pedaling a bicycle uphill in the wrong gear.

They secretly yearn for the feelings of freedom and self-reliance they used to have when they were children pedaling away on their very own Schwinns, Huffys, and Evans Colsons.

How can we recapture those childhood feelings of independence, adventure, and joy?

1. Safely navigate work’s potholes, ruts, curbs, obstacles, and challenges.

In order to excel professionally, you need the ability to learn from any past mistakes rather than dwell on them.

The truth is that the only wrong mistake is one we don’t learn from – when things go wrong, we have a choice. We can criticize ourselves and curse our own bad luck, or we can coach ourselves, extract value from what we learned, and focus on how we can handle that situation better in the future.

The next time something devastating happens to you, whether it’s a layoff or a failed project, remember there are lessons to be learned.

2. Take the direct route.

Many people are so confused at work that they don’t know what is expected of them anymore. It’s during these times that people need to use straight talk to solve issues.

Being Direct with Respect® means being able to communicate openly and honestly without hurt feelings. Encourage Be Direct with Respect® in your office by thinking about what you really want to say, writing it down, and practicing it.

The more you use it, the more comfortable you’ll feel, and the more your colleagues will follow your lead.

3. Stay balanced when the road is bumpy.

The majority of people are running on empty.

If your workday feels out of balance, the quickest way to identify what is missing is to know your core values: What’s holding you back from achieving balance in your day? Can you say no to the things that aren’t consistent with your core values?

When you ignore your personal values for the sake of others, keeping balanced is a challenging ordeal.

To gain balance, you first must be true to yourself. When you can gear down, relax, and enjoy the flowers on the side of the road, you can finally see the right path.

4. Stop pedaling in circles.

How long has it been since you’ve tried something new and different in your work?

After evaluating yourself personally, ask people you trust to make suggestions on how you need to grow.

Use their advice to guide your education decisions. Do you need to take a computer class, a writing course, find an accountability coach, or attend a management training workshop?

To carve a new career or enhance your current one, you must take responsibility for your own future and learn new skills on a daily basis.

Conclusion

Your ability to safely navigate workday obstacles, use straight talk, stay balanced, and keep learning will help you recapture the feelings of your youth – when your bike was your ticket to exhilaration.

You’re the one in control! Sometimes the journey will be easy coasting, while other times it will be an uphill bumpy trek.

Either way, it’s up to you to shift your professional life in gear and create your own career path.

Check out the article Is Your Enthusiasm for work Flickering Out? to find more ideas
on how to develop your own career path in the link below:
Leadership Consulting Article

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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

Instead of resigning or dealing with a grueling commute, she proposed that she could come into the office just one day a week, and work the rest of the time from home. The company leadership agreed.

The young woman found a mutually agreeable solution that allowed her to achieve work-life balance. Unfortunately, many employees in the same situation wouldn’t feel comfortable making such a request.

With so many companies doing more with less, employees need to achieve a better work-life balance… and you can help your organization do just that.

1. Find Out What Coworkers and Employees Need

Some workers might want a more flexible office schedule, a compressed workweek, job sharing options, or resources for child or elder care. Others may want healthy workplace initiatives like on-site exercise classes and wellness lectures.

What can you do?

Form a work-life committee to survey people and find out their needs. Members can then recommend ways the organization might help employees achieve more balanced lives.

2. Relieving the Pressure of Overtime Demands

When demands become rigorous, everyone suffers.

What can you do?

Do something special for coworkers and employees – like providing a dessert, a dinner, or little thank you gestures. Suggest that dedicated people get an afternoon off… and everyone will be rewarded with a newly refreshed coworker.

3. Setting an Example

People who don’t take time for themselves feel more stressed, and consequently, become less productive at work.

What can you do?

Don’t begrudge people their personal time. Encourage others in showing the proper work-life balance – when your boss leaves at 5:00 p.m. to see her son’s soccer game, realize that she should be doing it with pride!

Check out the podcast for more ideas on how to help your employees juggle it all at the link below:
Reduce Conflict in the Workplace by Helping Your Employees Juggle it All

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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

You can now go to the next level in your career development after reading this article by taking Joyce’s newest on line course which includes a coaching session on the phone.  You have the opportunity to work with Joyce on an issue that you learned about yourself during the course. Look for details about this exciting offer below the article.

Strategy 1: Eliminate Ambiguity

By being Direct With Respect®, you’ll always begin with positive statements and get right to the point. If your conversation is to point out and correct negative behaviors, describe the person’s actions, not their personality. Use language that makes an impact, yet decreases defensiveness. One good way to do this is by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Also, use factual descriptions instead of judgments or exaggerations.

Strategy 2: Gain the ability to be direct and truthful

When should you be direct and speak up? As soon as you reasonably can. If you wait too long, you may forget what you needed to say, which can leave a nasty residue of resentment that can explode at the wrong time ­ or at the wrong person. While it’s difficult to know precisely when to speak up, it’s equally challenging to know when to let something drop. To gain perspective, imagine how important the incident will be in six months. If you think it will still be important, then say something immediately. If it would sound a little silly in six months, then let it drop.

Remember, though, telling the truth isn’t a license to dump your negative feelings on others.

Strategy 3: Develop positive self-talk strategies that propel your career

Once you realize you’re giving negative messages, make a conscious effort to stop and say something positive instead. Stop focusing on what you feel you don’t do well and congratulate yourself for all your strong points. Also, strive to seek out other positive people so you can support each other. Challenge yourself to break away from negative people who are only holding you down. The more positive you are, the more confident you’ll be at being Direct with Respect®. In return, others will feel more confident about your abilities, thus leading to more future success.

Be Direct with Respect® is a new way of thinking and communicating for those who are used to holding things inside. Once you implement Be Direct with Respect®, you’ll find that being direct and truthful will make you self-confident and earn you the respect you deserve. Even more important, as the concept of Be Direct with Respect® takes hold in your company, your employees will communicate better and build stronger relationships with co-workers and customers alike. Before you know it, morale will be up, profits will soar, and your company will be ready to make its mark on the business world.

Check out how you can go deeper and learn more ideas on how you can communicate with impact with
Joyce’s On Demand Course.
Like my client  Lori did after she took the course.

“Things are really going well here since people started taking the Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact Course.
We continue to see great progress within our management team which is beginning to flow down to the staff.  I had a meeting with one of my managers this moring and she commented again on your program and how well it impacted her.”
Lori Verbrugge, Human Resource Director, Midwest Financial Credit Union

Click the link below so can get ready for radical communication improvement!
Be Direct with Respect®:  Communicate with Impact On Demand Course

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Until our next visit, Remember…
You Get What You Tolerate!

Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

Burnout is a general erosion of the spirit. It occurs when its victims have been worn out physically and emotionally as a result of long term stress … However, burnout is also a time for deep reflection to make major changes.
or the overwhelming situations to just go away?

10 TIPS TO KEEP THE FLAME BURNING

It took us a long time to form these negative habits, so it may take some time to make life changing choices. These ideas will take you back to the basics. Find the one idea that “speaks to you” and take some action. Are you ready?

1. Find a hobby.

Talk to people who have achieved balance in their lives and find out what activities they’ve added to enrich their lives. What activities have you wanted to experience? Now is the time to discover them – not when you retire.

2. Take a class for fun in order to add something different to your life.

A benefit from taking a new class is that you will meet people who have the same interests as you. If you are thinking that you don’t have the time, ask yourself…”If not now, then when?”

3. Volunteer for a cause that means something to you.

I hear many success stories of people finding new opportunities after they give their time and attention to others. Studies show that people tend to be happier when they help others.

4. Eat right and exercise.

Do these for the right reasons. Find a nutritionist or health coach who will support you to make behavioral changes that are stopping you from feeling as good as you can. It usually takes only a few sessions.

5. Rest.

I don’t mean hide. Your body may need some extra time to heal. So take the time, just don’t use it as an excuse to stay away from others.

6. Concentrate on what is in front of your nose.

If you’re taking a walk, notice what’s in front of you. If you’re at home, notice the person you’re talking to. Do your best to turn off your self talk about work.

7. Suggest holding team meetings to discuss what everyone in the organization can do together.

Are teams working together or waiting for the stress to go away?

The new norm is doing more with less. Strategize fresh ideas on how the team can work better than ever before.

8. Learn how to be authentic and share your thoughts with others.

This tip is a real burnout buster. People who are straightforward experience less stress. Instead of wasting hours during the night thinking of what you should have said to someone, just do it. Be Direct with Respect® is a skill that is well worth learning!

Look at the my Communicate with Impact! online course to stay connected with Joyce and get great results.

9. Discover the necessity of positive humor at work and at home.

Positive humor lightens the stress of impossible tasks. Humor’s not a luxury in our lives anymore, it’s become a necessity.

10. Discover what values are important to you.

The qualities you consider most significant will have a tremendous impact on your life.

Which ones need immediate attention? Could it be personal solitude, creativity, family, social welfare, freedom, or independence? Balance is the key to re-igniting your energy.

REIGNITE YOUR ENERGY!

Abraham Lincoln said, “People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Burnout is a time for us to look within ourselves and find what is missing in our lives. With some introspection and change, we can rekindle our vitality and move on to more exciting times. And one last thing… make sure to enjoy the journey!

Check out the link below if you want to go deeper in your own life to gain the control that you deserve.
You will hear Joyce being interviewed on how to gain control and new facts about stress.
Click on this link to discover more information with the Stress Facts podcast

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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

But let’s also face today’s economic reality. Jobs are hard to find, and any job that pays is one you have to keep. So if your work situation is less than ideal and you want a way to love what you do without changing your job, here are some suggestions to help.

1. Show optimism and a positive outlook at all times.

How can you be optimistic when you dislike your job? Remember that at least you have a job. You’re paying your bills and providing for your family. You’re not part of the newest unemployment statistic. Find something positive to focus on to remind yourself of how life would be if you didn’t have any job at all. In order to stay positive, strive for excellence, not because you have to, but because you want to.

2. Learn from setbacks and convert challenges into success.

Many people feel that they have “bad luck” at work. Everything that can go wrong seems to happen to them, and they then like to talk about these negative experiences, which only makes them even more depressed. But when something goes wrong, rather than dwell on the setback, find out what you can learn from the experience so you can be successful next time.

3. Do whatever it takes to get the job done.

If you don’t like the job and don’t want to do it, then the job won’t get done at all. It’ll be hanging over your head like a dark rain cloud, so you might as well do it anyway. Also, if you don’t get the job done, someone else will, and then you’ll get the pink slip. If you feel that you can’t do whatever it takes to get the job done because of a lack of resources and your hands are tied, then untie your own hands. What could you do differently given your existing resources? There’s always a second right answer.

4. Be eager to share ideas with leaders and colleagues.

You can’t work in a vacuum. You need to talk with others and collaborate in order to expand your thinking and gain new perspective. And you never know… someone may say something that makes you realize your job isn’t so bad after all.

5. Look for ways to constantly grow.

We are all a work in progress. And growth and learning is something that we must initiate; we can’t expect others to do it for us. Additionally, lifelong learning will make you more competitive in the marketplace. So when the economy rebounds and you can find that new job you want, you’ll have the skills and mindset to make it happen.

Check out Full Speed Ahead: Become Driven by Change
which is a life coaching book
to help you deal with life’s stresses.

“A Straight forward, engaging and down to earth book for those desiring improvement in the quality and direction of their lives.”
Anthony Robbins, Author Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

“Joyce Weiss in Full Speed Ahead challenges the reader to deal with change on a personal and professional level as a way to maximize opportunity.  The book starts with charging your life’s battery with positive attitude and brakes with a discussion of goal-setting and prioritizing.  Each chapter has helpful worksheets that drive Weiss’ points home.  Chapter 7, covering creativity, was a personal
favorite because it identifies the mental roadblocks to creatvity and shows how on can detour around them.

Jim Pawlak, Book Reviewer for The Detroit News

Check out Full Speed Ahead: Become Driven by Change

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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach

 

Despite these differences, people from the varying generations must work together productively for the company to succeed. If they let their generational outlooks get in the way, conflict will result.

Use the following suggestions to overcome generational differences so everyone can get along:

Know each others preferences

In a nutshell, the Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers prefer face-to-face communication. They like consensus, and they expect everyone to respect authority. They don’t like conflict and will avoid it at all costs.

Generation X and the Millennials love online meetings. They twitter each other and use e-mail the majority of the time. They’re not afraid to confront others; they want their voices heard. They dislike being on teams and prefer to work alone.

While we can’t automatically assume every single person in a particular generation behaves and thinks a certain way, knowing the generalities is a great first step. Therefore, take the initiative to learn about the other generations you work with. The more you understand their point of view and what events shaped their lives, the more you’ll be able to work with them without conflict.

Spend time with each other

Simply knowing each other’s preferences is one thing; it’s another to actually spend time learning from the person. Remember that learning and mentoring is a two- way street. Just as younger people can learn things from older people, the older generation can definitely learn from the “kids.”

As you do this, realize that you’ll likely have to make compromises. For example, a younger person can teach an older person about some new computer communication tool. The younger person will need to employ patience during the training, and the older person will need to keep an open mind to the new technology. You’ll also have to confront your own personal biases and work through them. Only then can you truly benefit from the interaction.

Be open to talking things out

The older people don’t understand what all the pierced noses and tattoos are about, while the younger people can’t comprehend how someone can be so loyal to a company. Instead of just wondering in silence, it’s time to talk it out ­ with the very people you don’t understand. As long as the conversation stays respectful and does not turn into an accusatory yelling match, it will be a healthy way to gain broader understanding of each other. The sooner you start the conversation, the quicker you’ll resolve differences.

Bridge the Gap

Generational differences can be tough. However, when you are open and honest and take the time to really listen to each other, you can overcome any perceived differences ­ real or otherwise. A little generational understanding can go a long way to boosting the company’s bottom line.

Check out the link below for more ideas to improve communication skills
Understanding 5 Generations to Reduce Conflict in the Workplace

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Until next time, Remember…

“You Get What You Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant & Accountability Coach