Last week I wrote an article on “What Happens When You Work With a Narcissist?” Click Here if you did not read it or want to review the ideas. A few of you sent me private emails with questions on how to handle this personality disorder. This post gives you strategies. I can’t guarantee that they will work. That’s right, you read this correctly. Narcissists range from selfish to borderline disorders. At times I have been very frustrated with narcissists in my own life. I did research on this subject and am happy to report that I know how to handle myself MOST of the time. Are you ready to find out?
Coping Guidelines
Recognize when you are with someone who repeatedly evokes shame, anger, and idealizes others. You can then figure out your next step
- Try not to personalize since they act the same with others
- Detach yourself while functioning either at work/home to have peace of mind
- Think of the narcissist as a 2 year old on the inside
- Resist retaliation, confrontation, or open communication because they will show rage and feel assaulted
- You won’t change the narcissist since they don’t have compassion for others
- Plan ahead on how to set boundaries since they excel at the control game
- Find others who can support you
- Be prepared for changes in the relationship if you decide to speak with them
- They will distance themselves from you and find others to control
- Limit your involvement with them if possible
- Document abuses and excuses for your own record to protect yourself since narcissists don’t recognize their boundary issues
- Set your own priorities without being manipulated and stop adapting to them
- Awareness will not change the reality but it changes your perspective
- Don’t feel guilty for taking care of your health
Click Here let me know which of the above guidelines “speak to you.” I want to hear from you and of course I will respond.
An Example From A Workshop Participant
Brad shared the following story about his brother Marty (a narcissist) while June, their mother was in a Memory Care Facility for Alzheimer’s. Marty was embarrassed by June’s behavior and appearance. Brad realized that his mother was showing signs of the disease and wanted his mother to live with dignity for the short amount of time that she had with her sons.
Marty told his mother’s friends not to visit because he was embarrassed how June acted. Brad was very frustrated and discussed his situation in my workshop. He realized that he usually gave in to Marty because Marty acted like a 2 year old if he did not get his way. It was easier for Brad not to say things to Marty even though the stress was beginning to affect Brad’s sleeping and eating.
Brad figured out his new strategy and we all saw a change in his behavior. Brad called June’s friends and told them to visit. He warned them that she looked and acted like a person who had Alzheimer’s.
Marty was furious with Brad and actually threw a tantrum. Brad did not cave in and made sure that he was at the Memory Care Facility when June’s friends visited her.
Guess what happened at each visit? June was lucid, smiled, and held her friends’ hands. Some people called this luck, fate, or chance. All I know is that Brad felt empowered because he gave his mother such a gift having her friends there. This was the beginning of a new relationship between the brothers. Brad distanced himself from Marty.
So, Joyce What Do You Think?
- Distance yourself from the narcissist and stop adapting to him or her
- Look at patterns in the person and how you are being affected
- Set personal boundaries immediately
- Read books…The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or Damaged Sibling by Jeanne Safer
- Speak to a psychologist who specializes in personality disorders
- Realize that you probably WON’T change the narcissist BUT you will gain control by doing some of the strategies in this article
I want to hear from you!
Click Here to send me your questions or concerns. I enjoy hearing from my readers plus they get their questions answered. Let me know what topics you want me to write about concerning your own conflict in the workplace “issues.”
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A recognized expert on Resolving Conflict in the Workplace, Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP is an author, accountability coach, and a Certified Speaking Professional. To book Joyce to speak at your event or company call: 800.713.1926 or email: Joyce@JoyceWeiss.com
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Until next time,
This is Joyce Weiss, Business Conflict Resolution Consultant
I help people become top level leaders who get GREAT results.
How do I do this?
I teach them to tackle the tough conversations with bullies and negative people to build employee engagement, accountability, and rock star performance…
The Result? My clients resolve their conflict and they get a better night’s sleep!Feel free to call me (800.713.1926) concerning your own team/executive retreats, workshops, on line professional growth coaching, and keynote speeches.
Remember…You Get What YOU Tolerate!
See YOU Next Week.
PS Look for exciting news about our new website describing how YOU can successfully communicate at work or home. You will receive more details in a few weeks.
Jerry weiss says
After reading your blog I realize that I know someone
Who is a narcissistic and does not know
How to set boundaries. Thanks for teaching me how to handle
This kind of personality disorder
Joyce Weiss says
Thanks Jerry. I have received numerous private emails from readers who either live or work with a narcissist. The #1 strategy is to set boundaries or even not get involved with their drama. It is hard to do at times BUT necessary. Let me know how your relationship changes with this person after you start setting boundaries.