Hello Everyone!
I was recently interviewed by HAP (Health Alliance Plan) for their brilliant WISE WOMAN MAGAZINE.
They are generous enough to grant me permission to share the article with my readers.
I find that we all need to set boundaries in order to balance our hectic life.
Do you have colleagues or loved ones that use a lot of your time talking and talking while you are in the middle of something important?
If so, this article will give you some ideas on how to take charge of this stressful situation.
Do you have a tough time saying, “no” to others who ask you to volunteer since you are the “right person” to help them with a project?
If so, you will find out how easy it is to say, “no” without sounding aggressive.
Enjoy the article and please let me know your boundary issues at work and home. I will ask you to share these with me at the end of the
article.
Learn the Power of Boundaries
You’re invited to be on the PTA!
You’re such a great baker; we need your help with the bake sale!
A co-worker needs your help with a work project!
“It feels good when people ask us to do things we’re good
at,” says Joyce Weiss, M.A., C.S.P., and conflict resolution
consultant. “Our egos are stroked. We like it when other
people need us.”
Boundaries? What Boundaries?
“We had boundaries as kids,” Joyce points out.
“Come home when the streetlights come on. No TV until your homework is completed.”
Too often, though, we don’t set them for ourselves as adults.
“Think about recent commitments and make a list of duties you wish you had said no to.
This can help you prepare a response for the next time.
Finally, politely but firmly enforce your boundaries. If you set boundaries and people still take advantage, it’s your fault.
You get what you tolerate.”
Family Boundaries
Shannon, a busy working mother, wanted to return to school to earn her degree.
She knew the extra hours would affect her family, so she called a family meeting.
“She explained it was a two-year commitment,” Joyce recounts.
“Her kids would need to make their own lunches and life might be a little more stressful.
The payoff was a better job for Shannon, allowing the family to have money for the vacation they wanted, or for her kids to attend college.
They agreed to her plan. To this day, when they complain, she reminds them about that meeting about Shannon’s boundary, and it’s working.”
Work Boundaries
Do you have a co-worker who stops by your desk, seeking help for her projects and leaving you with less time for your
own? “Use ‘I’ language to deflect them,” suggests Joyce.
“For example, ‘I’m frustrated … because I’d love to help you out, but I’m too busy.
’ Or set a time limit: ‘I can give you five minutes, because I have a meeting at three.’”
Friendship Boundaries
What about that friend whose number on your caller ID makes you groan?
These energy vampires are talkaholics, and it’s all about them and what they need.
You don’t have to pick up the phone. Or you can say up front, “I’m tied up this week; I’ll be glad to call you back or email you.”
As Wise Women, we encounter demands for our time and energy from many directions.
When those demands become too much, the continual stress can lead to an array of health problems.
Create and enforce boundaries to help manage your stress levels, and you will feel better about the commitments you make.
It can mean a longer, healthier, happier life.
Joyce Weiss, based in West Bloomfield, Michigan, is the author of Take the Ride of Your Life! Shift Gears for More Balance, Growth, and Joy. Sign up for free articles at www.joyceweiss.com.
If you want to read an article on how to encourage work life balance at work… hit this link
You may want to check out my book Take the Ride of Your Life! which gives tips on boundaries and shifting gears for more balance and growth. Check out the table of contents and summary at this link.
I hope that you enjoyed the article!
Was it helpful?
Send me what boundaries you set for yourself at home or work.
I will respond to you when you make comments.
Staying connected with my readers is an important part of my career!
Until next time, This is Joyce Weiss
and remember…You Get What You Tolerate!
Have you ever had a great idea for your company and got everyone excited about doing it, but then no one took action and the great idea died? Such is a common occurrence in organizations across the country. In fact, in most companies generating great ideas isn’t the problem – it’s turning those ideas into action that stalls a company’s growth. This will also reduce conflict in the workplace.
In order to help your team take action on new ideas, use the following idea moving process to get from idea to final delivery.
1. Generate at least 50 ideas for your current dilemma.
How do you know if an idea is truly great unless you challenge it with new ideas? That’s why you need to generate a lot of ideas to get the idea process started. Have people write one idea per “sticky note.” During this phase, temporarily ignore rules and budgets. Anything goes. Don’t self-edit and don’t think anything is “stupid.” Encourage wild ideas from everyone; be playful. And since this is a group effort, feel free to expand on other people’s ideas. Remember, it’s not a competition.
2. Move the most exciting ideas forward.
Take all your sticky notes and group similar ideas together. Decide on a category heading for each group. Then, rather than decide on a single idea to pursue, begin by deciding on an idea-group that is most attractive given the current situation. Use past experience and current need to help with the decision process.
3. Remove hurdles and identify holes.
Analyze the selected group and come up with reasons why the ideas may not work using the following questions to refine the idea to implementation:
- What are the consequences if we do these ideas as presented?
- What potential challenges could arise in the workplace?
- How will these ideas work within the available resources of time, money, and people?If you don’t like your answers, refine the ideas – don’t kill them.
4. Create a specific step-by-step action plan.
Create a plan to ensure that the idea can be implemented successfully. Consider such things as:
- Training and resources: Does the timeline and task schedule require training or resources not currently at hand? If so, how do you get them?
- Budget: Do you have the financial resources to see the idea through to completion? If not, what creative things can you do to offset costs (trade out of products or services, use contract labor, etc.)?
- Timelines: What is the chronological order for doing each step?
- Celebration points: At what point will you celebrate milestones, and what celebration activities will be most appropriate?
Action is the Key to Results
When people have a thought-out plan for carrying out an idea, they are better equipped and better able to turn that idea into reality. So use this idea process for every dilemma, whether large or small. You’ll get the most creative solution for your current challenge, as well as the ability to turn that idea into action. This will reduce conflict in the workplace to move your team to the next level.
What is your most pressing issue about your team?
Send them to me and I will send you back some creative idea that you can put to use immediately!
Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team – Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.
Until next time
Remember, You get what YOU Tolerate!Joyce Weiss, M.A., CSP
Conflict Resolution Consultant and Accountability CoachPS Have you signed up for the FREE Video Series on “Reducing Conflict in the Workplace?”
If not, you will receive 20 short videos from me once/week for 20 weeksPPS If you have signed up please send me questions or comments so that I can support you any way that I
can.PPPS Sign up at www.JoyceWeiss.com for your FREE Video Series…right now!
Do you want to increase respect in the workplace?
Do you want to reduce conflict and stress?
Do you want to re-energize your team?
If you said “yes” to even one question…please continue reading!
All teams need a wake up call from time to time – an energy boost or an attitude adjustment. How do you know when it’s time for your team to get re-energized? Look at them. Is there energy in the team? Are they communicating with respect? Do your teams make time for stress relief exercises? Are people excited about work? Are employees talking to each other? Is there laughter and fun in the air? If you answered “no” to even one of these questions, then it could be time for you to initiate your team for ideas on how to increase respect and reduce stress. It helps if you are open and will use some of their ideas.
For many companies, it’s the “same old” routine day in and day out. People grudgingly go through the motions of work, but they don’t have their heart into it. There’s so much stress or negativity in the air that you can cut it with a knife. The silence is deafening, and when someone does talk, it’s laced with sarcasm and retaliation…there is an over abundance of conflict in the workplace.
But work doesn’t have to be this way. You can help your team learn new facts about stress so everyone is focused and having fun again. Here’s how.
• Create a stress relief committee.
Ask for volunteers to head a stress relief committee. Typically the people who want this role are the overly optimistic people who are full of energy anyway, but that’s okay. You need someone to take the lead. Empower the committee to determine when the team needs to do various stress relief exercises and allow them to organize a group break so everyone can recharge.
• Ask the group for their input. Ask them the question…
What does respect mean?
You can’t mandate what the team “should” do to reduce stress and re-energize. That approach will always backfire because someone (or maybe everyone) will think the activity is “dumb” or a “waste of time.” Therefore, have the stress relief committee find out what each person would like to do to reduce stress and increase respect in the workplace. It could be anything from bringing in a chair masseuse once a month to getting everyone to dance to some upbeat music to having a 15-minute silence break. There are numerous respect activities and I will include a few examples in the next article. The possibilities are endless so long as you get everyone’s input.
• Address the nay-sayers.
Invariably you’ll have at least one person who won’t want to go along with the group’s activity. The key to winning this person over is to find out what he or she needs to do to reduce stress. Whatever you do, don’t let the nay-sayer sit out from the designated activity. That will only cause others to look down on him or her and erode the team’s spirit and increase workplace gossip. Instead, say to the person, “As the manager, it’s my job to make sure everyone has some stress relief. Tell me what will help you re-energize.” Listen to what the person says and do that activity next (as long as he or she participates in the current activity).
The Energy to Succeed
Everyone needs a fun break from time to time – an escape from the stresses of work and life. So give your team the opportunity to discuss how to reduce stress to increase respect in the workplace. By doing so, they’ll have the strength and creativity to get more done in less time…and with better results.
Was this helpful?
Let us hear your thoughts in the comment section below.
Feel free to share these tips with your team – Just be sure to give Joyce credit when you share or publish.
Sign up at the RSS feed on the blog site to be included in future blog posts from Joyce on this subject.
If you have not signed up for the Free Video Series on Reducing Conflict in the Workplace…please do so now.
You will receive one video/week for 20 weeks. The videos are only 2-3 minutes long and are packed with tips and stories that you can use at home or at work.
Sign up now at www.JoyceWeiss.com
Until next time, Remember…”You Get What YOU Tolerate!”
Joyce Weiss
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Joyce in Excellence Magazine: Four Ways to Solve Problems
Joyce in HAP Magazine: Learn the Power of Boundaries
Joyce in HAP Magazine: Three Strategies for Communication